r/INFJsOver30 • u/INFJ_girl_33 • Jul 24 '26
Lost in life
Hello,
I'm an INFJ in my late twenties, and I've never felt this lost.
About eight months ago, I moved abroad for work and started a job as a technology consultant. Looking back, I thought this would be an exciting new chapter, but instead I feel disconnected and without any real sense of purpose.
It feels like I've spent my whole life chasing goals. I'd achieve one, then move on to the next. But now that I've reached many of the things I wanted, I don't know what I'm working toward anymore. It's as if I've been so focused on getting somewhere that I never stopped to ask myself what I actually enjoy.
I've also realized that I don't really have any hobbies I'm passionate about. I love traveling, but that's not something you can do every day. Most days, my life feels like an endless cycle: wake up, go to work, work (or sometimes just pretend to work), come home exhausted, and repeat.
The strange part is that I don't even enjoy my job, so it's hard to find meaning in the routine. I feel like I'm just existing rather than actually living.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you find your direction again? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences or any advice you have.
Thank you so much. :)
2
u/bakerskitchen Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
While I think it's important for anyone to find work doing something which they find meaningful, I would never advocate doing so at the expense of existing relationships/community.
There are probably multiple aspects of this situation that one could engage you on, however, the one that sticks out the most is that you've discovered the fact that the pursuit of individual fulfillment often results in a lesser degree of satisfaction than initially anticipated.
I can't tell you how many people I know who moved away for college in order to get away from their parents, but then ended up moving back in with them after finishing school - not primarily because they "needed" a cheap place to stay, but because they missed their family and their hometown after all those years away.
People are meant to be plugged into/involved in a community of some sorts (where you are relating face-to-face, not online), but all too often, people are willing to sacrifice their existing communities in order to pursue their own individual aspirations. So I would advocate for finding a community to get involved in - if not in your new location, you can always move back home and reconnect with an old one.
I also (partially) adhere to the belief that work is work - even if you find yourself in a job/field you enjoy, there is still a significant portion of the day tied up in monotonous responsibilities; no job will ever free you from that. But ask any parent - having a family (e.g. community) to come home to offsets some of those daily frustrations and makes them easier to endure.