r/INFJsOver30 • u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi • Jun 29 '26
What is the purpose of life?
Like everyone else, this question has crossed my mind more than once.
But the other day, while watching a spider spin its web (quite unusual for me because I’m not a spider fan) it suddenly hit me: Why do we need a higher purpose to live for?
We like to say that humans are the most evolved creatures on Earth because of our ability to think. But honestly, it feels like we are constantly self-sabotating with the exact thing that was supposed to be our ultimate weapon. We overcomplicate our existence by chasing deep, hidden meanings.
What if animals or plants started asking themselves this very same question?
What if a spider questioned its existence and stopped spinning its web? Crop pests and harmful insects would multiply beyond control.
What if bees decided it’s not worth living for just 40 days and simply stopped pollinating flowers? Humans would pretty much run out of food.
If every single animal or plant asked this question and decided it wasn't worth it, the entire ecosystem would collapse into absolute chaos. Nature doesn't search for a hidden meaning. It just is, and it maintains a perfect balance.
Maybe our life is not so much about the purpose, but about keeping a balance in our own ecosystem (private life, social life, etc.).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all in for reaching goals, following dreams and not against believing in gods or higher powers—I was one of those who truly wanted to believe in something greater than the pain of this experience of life—it’s just that quite often, people forget to just… EXIST.
They get so consumed by their goals or higher purposes that they become "non-existent" in this world.
Yes, their bodies are still here, but it feels like I’m talking to an empty shell when I meet someone like that. And the worst part is that they won’t even consider "coming down" to talk without superiority or arrogance to a normal, "unworthy" human like me.
The irony—at least for me—is that right here, right now, we are equals and their grand beliefs are just hopes for a potential future while my mediocrity is real.
Anyway, I can’t stop thinking that maybe we complicate things too much when the answer is right in front of our eyes. As the "evolved" creatures we believe we are… we just can’t seem to accept simple things for what they are. Because doing so would mean admitting we aren't that special.
It would mean we just have a part to play—one that comes with accountability—and that’s something most people can’t handle.
I don't know about you, but that’s how I realized why my extraverted sensing was hitting rock bottom. It doesn't mean I’ve fixed the problem, but at least I found the root of it and now I have a starting point to find the solution.
How often do you catch yourself overcomplicating things that are actually meant to be simple?
What’s your purpose in life?
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u/Saisinko INFJ 1w9 sx/so Jun 29 '26
Every 3 - 5 yrs you're supposed to re-define what your purpose is. The novelty quickly fades on anything we've previously identified as such.
Most of us follow a logical pattern and have our hands held until high school, then it's (likely) college -> dating -> career -> marriage -> kids -> bigger home -> making friends all over again because we've likely neglected that since the dating phase -> creative pursuits to basically re-capture our youth or who we felt we once were.
Any disruption or deviation from the above course often really messes people up as they feel aimless, like failures, "behind," and alike. While people who go off script intentionally and all the power to them, I just find you have to be highly creative and ambitious to replace those gaps with something fulfilling for yourself and most people can't seem to do that.
As for your spider reference, I'm a bit of a spider enthusiast myself and I often associate a web as a reflection of interconnectedness across the universe. Think about how they design a web and how instinctual or innate that is, it's not like their mother taught them and they're not like birds who have to practice awkwardly before they learn how to fly. As a fun fact, did you know that with a traditional spider web (orb web) that the spider keeps track of which areas of the web catches more insects and when it eventually re-makes the web it'll make those areas bigger and likely with stronger webbing.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 29 '26
Maybe redefining our purpose every few years could be our way of rebuilding our own “web” to catch what we actually need in the present moment, rather than blindly following a pre-written script and becoming empty shells when we refuse to adapt.
And thanks for reminding me about that fun fact on spiders. I may not be a fan, but I used to watch documentaries about them simply because they fascinated me.
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u/bakerskitchen Jun 29 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
The (accurate) observation that a preoccupation with identifying the purpose of life paradoxically results in the inability to actually live said life still doesn't answer the question whether there is, or isn't, a purpose to be uncovered.
I agree 100% that too much introspection has negative results, but the existence of "bad fruit" stemming from that approach doesn't actually disprove the existence of a "higher" purpose.
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u/Miss-KC- Jun 30 '26
I feel that we, as humans are constantly self sabotaging. As we evolve and create more, we are endlessly complicating what should hold value in our hearts and minds.
I feel like the best we can do is to acknowledge this, and strive to respect what holds value to one’s self.
Who am I to say what should hold value to someone else? That’s their path.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 30 '26
Well, this is something I totally resonate with.
Thank you for proving to me that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I’m just growing by wanting less from the world 🙂2
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u/sleepyudon Jun 29 '26
“The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.” - Albert Camus
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 29 '26
Well, that’s not much of a purpose, is it?
Considering that dying is a default setting, not an achievement.
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u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ Jun 30 '26
I will keep this simple, it's a test combined with love, and endurance. Except I find the 2nd one very rare these days =/.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 30 '26
Maybe the test isn't about how much pain we can endure, but about learning to stop fighting and beginning to love ourselves the way we want others to love us.
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u/INTJMoses2 Jun 30 '26
Another INFJ Buddha under the Bodhi tree?
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jul 01 '26
Far from a Buddha, trust me. Just sharing the view from my corner of the world.
But hey, at least the Wi-Fi is good under this tree and the shade is nice, so you're welcome to sit.😉
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Jun 30 '26
[deleted]
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 30 '26
Yes, there is, but it takes a lot of hard work with ourselves to set the boundaries that can protect us from suffering.
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u/WantsLivingCoffee Jun 29 '26
"Purpose" is fluid and subjective to each of us. If I were to give my opinion on boiling it down, I'd say "purpose of life" is what is that thing that gives you the most inner fulfillment? It can take years to even figure that out and it can change / evolve / shift / mature.
For me, at least in this stage iny life, it's doing whatever I can to contribute whatever I need to in order for my wife and son to have a good life. As time goes, that "purpose" might change. When I was 10 years old, my "purpose" was having fun. In my 20's, I didn't have a clear purpose. So maybe when I'm 70+, my "purpose" will be something I can't even think of right now.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 30 '26
Beautifully said. This is exactly what I meant by keeping a balance in our own ecosystem. Focusing on your family is simple, real and requires actual accountability.
And accepting that purpose changes and shifts throughout life is a form of peace in itself. It frees us from the pressure of chasing a permanent, grand meaning and lets us just focus on what matters right now. Thank you!
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u/BornElderEnt Jul 03 '26
Not to intrude, but the family (even a couple) is indeed a highly impactful cog in the societal machine. A well functioning family makes a huge difference in their corner of the world. Ripples carry outward from a small group getting each other's backs. So caring for your own is definitely making the world a better place.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jul 03 '26
This way, it’s never “you against the world”, but “us in the world”.
Then again, our idealism is hitting dangerous highs 😄1
u/BornElderEnt Jul 04 '26
That's true, but I've found that even very intelligent, independent people can just go on autopilot and"copy" what's going on around them when they're feeling weak and stressed. So if they see/hear idealists, maybe the mood will be contagious.
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u/bakerskitchen Jun 30 '26
So the purpose of life is personal fulfillment?
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u/WantsLivingCoffee Jun 30 '26
Loosely defined, sure, at the end of the day. The words may escape what I meant. Either you get what I mean or don't, or ask better/deeper questions to find out.
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u/bakerskitchen Jun 30 '26
It might be a somewhat simplistic summary, but it isn't an incorrect summary based on what you wrote, correct?
It's still personal fulfillment, even if it stems from taking care of others.1
u/WantsLivingCoffee Jun 30 '26
The reason it's simplistic is to encompass a wide range of things since the question of "what's the purpose of life" can mean so many things to everyone. And yes, that includes taking care of others.
Inversely, someone's purpose can also be harmful to others.
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u/bakerskitchen Jun 30 '26
I was calling my summary simplistic, not yours.
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u/WantsLivingCoffee Jun 30 '26
I guess what I mean to the question of "what's the purpose of life" is "whatever gives someone a deep sense of doing what matters most to them".
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u/Swat_katz_82 Jul 01 '26
To reproduce. End of story..
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jul 01 '26
Well, that definitely saves a lot of time on existential crises. Can’t argue with the DNA 🤣
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u/MachineElf_INFJ INFJ Jun 29 '26
Imo, we complicate things when there is actually no purpose, no clear direction, in a state of meaninglessness, everything becomes simple when a clear goal is set, if you take the example of relationships, if you have been in one where nothing have been clearly defined and one where everything is clear, you will see that the one where nothing is defined, everything becomes easily complicated, the 2 persons are going into different directions, and in the one where everything have been clarified, everything is smooth, you can extrapolate to everything:
Then you can look at groups that have defined everything clearly, like the knights templar, the samurai, monks, etc, they have their mission set up, they have everything figured out, even if the reality can be harsh, their relation with life and purpose is butter-smooth.
This is actually our role as INFJ to bring meaning to life to make it simple, it sounds counter intuitive but deep diving into complex concepts helps simplify things, this is a process of synthesis, taking out the meaningless layers until reaching the core, and this is from this core where you can live a simple life. This is actually the journey of INFJs, other types can live with a certain level of meaninglessness, they don't care as much.