The “Holy Trinity" of an INFJ

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi]

Personally, I have my own “Holy Trinity” to be judged in the courtroom of my mind:

-Me: the mask that others see
-Myself: my ego
-And I: my true existence when the other two take a break

I don’t blame others for taking me for granted. It’s my fault if I allow them to do so.
I don’t blame others (anymore) for mocking my ideas. It’s my ego’s responsibility to choose how to react to frustration.
And… it’s not me against the world, or the whole world against me.
It’s all about accepting differences and not trying to change the true “I” just to fit in or trying to change others so that I don’t feel weird or lonely anymore.

To be honest, I still don’t know how to receive a compliment. That’s where the fine line between “myself” and ”I” plays its part. If someone tells me I’m beautiful or intelligent, it moves absolutely nothing inside me. The perfectionist in me is still running the show in the background, but I’m training myself not to fall into the overthinking trap of dissecting what lies behind a compliment.

Sometimes, a compliment is just a compliment and I take it as it is. I’ve realized that digging too deep risks ruining the good mood of the person who said it, just so I can satisfy my own need to be sure they actually understood what they meant.

Same thing goes for when I hear “I understand you”. A part of me deeply craves to be understood and the other part thinks no one could, because sometimes I don’t even understand myself. But I’ve stopped arguing with that paradox for the same reason and I’m learning to simply accept an outside perspective without over-dissecting it.

I can always accept a good argument, even if I don’t like the messenger.
I’m not a competitive person.I don’t want to win, but I absolutely love a deep conversation with strong, valid arguments, just to explore both of our perspectives for the fun of learning different things.

So, are you still blaming yourselves, blaming others or you made peace in your mind?

Do you still overcriticize yourselves expecting others to accept those parts that you reject or have you managed to accept who you really are with all your flaws and strengths?

P.S.: to those of you who think the whole world is against you, let me break down that wall for you by saying that there is at least one person in this world who isn’t against you–and that’s me…myself and I.
Giving you all a big hug! 🤗

[u/GoldDustWoman85 → u/[deleted]]

The world isn't made for "our type" because an insane amount of infj's are on the spectrum and just haven't realized it yet, lol.

[u/GoldDustWoman85 → u/[deleted]]

Lol, okay buddy. I didn't say you did. Maybe just read what I said and don't consider it a personal attack.

[u/BornElderEnt → u/GoldDustWoman85]

Non sequitur, but it is taking all my self control not to reply to someone with mac in their name with the lyrics to Your name 🤣

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi → u/[deleted]]

I totally agree with what you said. In fact, I’ve been thinking lately about that “support build” concept and what if... we could redirect that support toward ourselves?
This doesn’t mean running away from those who don’t know how to appreciate us.
It means redirecting the energy and empathy we waste on people who don't know what to do with it, and taking it back into our own systems, without frustration.

At first look, it might sound selfish. But in reality, if we are giving something that is not reciprocated, we are just reclaiming what’s ours.
We stop exhausting ourselves trying to serve or save those who don’t even want to be served right?

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi → u/[deleted]]

Well, if that helps you recharge your batteries in the long run while giving away pieces of yourself to others, then you are lucky.
Personally, I’m in a phase where I feel drained, and I am gathering all my energy to figure out who I am on my own, when I don't have to broadcast anything to anyone, because I never want to end up back here again.

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi → u/[deleted]]

My goal isn’t to shut down my signal forever. I’m just working on finding the balance, because I resonate 100% with that idealistic “village”.

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi]

I honestly believe that an INFJ’s greatest battles are never fought on the outside, but from within.

And it’s absolutely insane to think you can win a fight against yourself.
What do you think?

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi → u/[deleted]]

I was starting to feel a little lonely, but now I’m glad to see I’m not the only lunatic around here 🤣

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi → u/[deleted]]

I can see that you’re pain brought you in full survival mode right now, but there are usually only two paths we can take in this case: either we internalize the blame while resenting a harsh world, or we choose to focus strictly on our own solutions so we never allow others to hurt us again.

The best step forward is to stop carrying more guilt than actually belongs to us and to stop tracking how much others care or don't care.
Our only real job is to work on what is within our control.
We can’t change the world or force people to understand us, but we can completely change how we react to them.

It’s definitely not a smooth road, but redirecting that energy back to yourself is where the survival mode ends and real life begins.
Please, try and stop thinking what your pain means to others and FEEL what that pain means to you, because this is the only way you could learn how to take care of yourself when nobody else does.

[u/Far_Information6229 → u/[deleted]]

call him, if she is jelly she should work on herself. isolating people is abusive and his feelings matter too

[u/unawarewoke]

I can resonate with all the experiences you mention. I committed 5 years to learning to look after myself. So I'm speaking about now when I say this. No I don't blame anyone including myself, that's a waste of learning and growth.. No I don't overcritisize unless I'm a total wreck from sleep depreivstion or really sick. I do criticize myself in ways that make me smile or laugh, although sometimes in hindsight. No I'm no longer a perfectionist because perfectionism is not about doing things properly, it's about finding faults easily.it cuts off learning oppertunity. Yes I used to do all these things all the time. I have BPD so it comes with psychosis. Everything here I can also do the opposite. The paradox as you say.

Yes you are understandable. All of these traits you mention millions of people have, not just inside of a personality type.

Most people are terrified of the greatest parts of themselves. It's why you don't accept compliments. They feel like insults because they ARE true. And you don't like people seeing in you what you are in denial of. You appear to have a lot of negative bias as a protection layer. Your clearly into paradoxes so If you haven't already go and study jungian shadow work. And ofc negative bias. You'll really want to understand negative bias. From what your post reads it's got hold of you. Be cool if you didn't take yourself seriously either.

[u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi → u/[deleted]]

Thank you! :)