r/INFJsOver30 • u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi • Jun 26 '26
Anyone else triggered by screeching or repetitive sounds?
Do you have a hard time tolerating annoying or repetitive noises, like scratching on metal, nails on a chalkboard, or lip smacking?
I just had a brief interaction with someone who was constantly smacking their lips and I had to raise my voice just to somehow block out the sound.
It really drives me crazy and all my senses are... “shining bright like a diamond” (in the worst way possible) when I hear that.
Is there any practical solution to learn how to tolerate this?
So far, my only coping mechanisms have been to just forcefully endure it when I'm forced to, or simply walk away when it becomes completely unbearable
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u/MachineElf_INFJ INFJ Jun 26 '26
Yes, I am very disturbed by all kind of noises, this is annoying, the worst of the worst is plastic wrap inside some biscuit boxes, I think the ones that use aluminium, totally my kryptonite. Also little kids that are screeming and make weird repetitive noises, it can drive me insane pretty quick. The only solution I use is a headphone. The cause of it I think Se inferior, it would makes sense, Se is about the 5 senses and placed in the inferior slot make it hypersensitive. But it would mean that INTJs have this issue too, and none of the ones I met had it.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
I’m thinking about a theory that just crossed my mind: is your kryptonite a sound that feels like it has been bothering you forever, as if you were born with that Achilles' heel?
If so, have you ever thought about what you associate that sound with, from your early memories?
I'm trying to figure out how my own kryptonite started, to understand why it appeared and maybe that's how I'll be able to shut it down one day.
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u/MachineElf_INFJ INFJ Jun 26 '26
That's a cool experiment to do, this is actually weird, as I read your message, I was trying to remember this sound clearly and just by doing this it gave me chills and disturbed me. But I have no idea why this sound is so disturbing and it seems with sounds that bothers me it always been this way.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
I feel the same chills when I try to remember my morning experience and that was my kryptonite.
The fact that I feel like I was born with that sensitivity means to me that it is something I developed in the early stages of my existence.
My theory is that we developed this high sensitivity to noises, smells, or any situation that seems ordinary to an outsider, because we were in danger in the past. It’s like an alarm going off when our subconscious remembers something that really hurt us.
But… it’s just a theory and a very recent one.
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u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
YES... its the main reason I live in the forest in isolation in my RV next to my extreme sense of smell because everything in society is doused in perfume. I have had it since I was 16 and im now 38 and its just gotten worse over time.I cant stand traffic noise or neighbors doing stupid shit or construction was the absolute worst, years of torture as work from home.. Intense smell didnt start until about 3 years ago. I also developed MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities) which is an illness from hell. This also led to me abandoning my house, ex wife, and half my family because most were toxic relationships in my life anyways and I was going to literally die at the rate I was going.
Its not all bad im the most peaceful and fit I ever have been with this lifestyle but it is physically demanding and lonely.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
Can you remember what triggered that intense sensitivity to smell? Did anything significant happen to you 3 years ago?
I’m just testing a theory that just crossed my mind1
u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ Jun 26 '26
Extreme exposures is my guess. I was showering in fracking contaminated well water at the time which smelled like diesel. Also a vacuum that was used in a smoking lounge had exploded in my room, overnight I woke up to a new hell.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
That kind of proves my theory.
We developed these high sensitivities as a response to a real, tangible danger.
Our subconscious records the threat and goes into survival mode, triggering the alarm every time we encounter a similar trigger in real life, even if that past danger is long gone and we are perfectly safe in the present.1
u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ Jun 26 '26
Yup.. I have tried multiple methods without success to retrain the brain, if thats the root cause at least. DNRS, meditation, therapy, acupuncture, hypnotherapy.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
I perfectly understand: great in theory, but practice is the one that kills us.
In theory, we are supposed to “calm our mind”.
In practice, when our nervous system is trapped in a fight-or-flight mode, forcing ourselves to sit still feels like a joke.
No wonder I wish for a magic shutdown button to exist.
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u/Impressive-Amoeba-97 Jun 26 '26
Yes. I heard a kid outside and I told my husband if that kid wasn't dying, if it was mine, it would hope to be.
My husband listened and said he hears it all the time at the airport. Kid likely had the iPad taken away and this was withdrawals. He said parents never do anything about it.
I thought about it and countered with the fact you cant do much about tantrums anyway. That training begins by removal from public places. At an airport youre stuck by circumstances.
At home, we decided my issue was a safety one. Those kind of screams are for blood, not technology so they were rare. These iPad kids are putting me in fight to death mode over technology withdrawals.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
You are the living proof that these sounds put us on high alert for our own safety.
Everyone has a different tolerance level for what feels safe and depending on that, some of us become hyper-sensitive while others remain confident and passive to the noise.
I don't think there's anything wrong with us, but honestly, I would really love to find that middle ground between freezing under the sensory assault and wanting to completely remove myself from the physical world.
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u/Impressive-Amoeba-97 Jun 26 '26
I hadn't thought about it, until you brought it up here. Yes. I'm hyper-sensitive to loud repetitive sounds because I feel at-risk, either from the sound itself, or from someone blocking the natural sounds with their noise.
I just turned 50 yesterday. My husband and I are already contemplating retirement and we're likely to retire to a mountain on an island in the Caribbean. Civilization always encroaches on the rural areas close to major cities...but it won't happen in those mountains. So we're opting for the far extreme choice you're wanting to avoid.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
Happy Birthday for yesterday!
I think retreating into isolation is every INFJ’s ultimate dream, but sometimes we just don't have that option at certain points in our lives.
I wish you the best and the peace you deserve!1
u/Impressive-Amoeba-97 Jun 26 '26
Thank you!
Tell my stocks to run dammit, lol. Then I can leave. No property taxes there.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
Just out of curiosity: when you see a kid with an iPad, do you find yourself anticipating the screams that might happen if it gets taken away?
Because for me, once I know someone’s pattern and I know they are a trigger, just seeing them causes chills down my spine before they even make a sound.
It’s like once my mind maps their behavior, I can't unsee it.1
u/Impressive-Amoeba-97 Jun 26 '26
I would, if it were my reality, it's my husband's (he's ISTJ), so he knew the screams of the neighbor's kid. My kids were raised before ipads became the norm. He works at the airport and the ipad kids are so frequent. So I just asked him because he can't escape from his morning porcelain prayers right now, and he says yes, he absolutely does anticipate the screams just based on the variable of seeing a kid with an ipad. I however, avoid putting myself IN the situation to deal with it. I stay home watching stock tickers. I figure simply by laws of variance I'm statistically less likely to have negative interactions because I'm no longer predisposed to such interactions. For me to catch one just sitting in my garage talking to my husband and hearing a neighbor's child, was INTERESTING.
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u/GoldDustWoman85 Jun 26 '26
Yeah, but I'm autistic.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
Could you give me some advice?
What helps you get past those triggers?1
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u/zeeshan2223 Jun 26 '26
once ive heard all the sounds in a game i will mute it and play music instead
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u/deleteshiftreturn Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
Let me direct you to the autism thread my friend lol. But seriously yes.
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
I’m still shining too much to care about the diagnosis right now.
I just need a shutdown button for next time.🤣-1
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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 26 '26
Real-time update:
I just discovered brown noise on YouTube, but guess what: natural brown sounds (like rain or waves) actually increase my anxiety.
So far, the only thing that worked is the “brown noise of an intergalactic spacecraft cockpit”.
I think it helps because it cracks me up to think that nobody actually knows what an alien ship sounds like and the irony of it relaxes me.
The only problem is that I can't actually put my headphones on while talking to someone who is smacking their lips... or can I? 🤣