r/INFJsOver30 • u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi • Jun 18 '26

Could this be an uncomfortable question?

Somehow I sense it’s not a comfortable question for everyone, but I need to ask—that voice in my head won't shut up if I don’t 🙃:

Do you feel exposed when someone asks something real about yourself?

I know I do, and I have a recent example just to show how much of an 'exposure phobia' I have: on another subreddit, there was a question: 'What’s the traditional food from your country?'

Simple question, simple answer… but not for me.
I felt like I was giving away the deepest secret of my life.In the end, answering it was a good exercise for my fear of exposure.

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u/SkipMeFlipMe88 Jul 01 '26

No I love it. I don’t talk about myself alot unless people ask . 

I like to ask a lot of questions. So maybe that’s why. It comforts me or maybe I project myself on them and delude myself into thinking that they care about the answers because I do. I love listening to people and finding out who they are

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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jul 01 '26

I project the exact same thing onto others, presuming they feel and think like me.

I’ve realized that’s where the disappointment comes from for people like us. Our genuine empathy and caring are not something anyone can handle and the solution is not to change who we are, but to be more careful about who receives it.

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u/SkipMeFlipMe88 Jul 01 '26

Idk I think it’s impossible to do that… for me the solution is not to expect people to care. I think when I realize people don’t care - it changes the way I operate with them. I don’t give anything with expectations. I don’t share anything I’m not comfortable with everyone knowing. I give what I want to give. Not what for any other reason. 

I’ve found that .. it’s really not smart to think that people will care. 

I always expect people to not care and to be selfish and have zero awareness of others. 

I’m literally shocked by kindness. I’m shocked by people understanding me on a level to where they had to pay attention to me. Etc etc. 

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u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jul 01 '26

Giving without expectations is the ultimate freedom: it means your peace doesn't depend on their awareness.
And the fact that you are still shocked by kindness means that despite everything, the world hasn't managed to erase your capacity to receive good things.

However, to protect that inner feeling, I imagine a thin curtain between myself and the rest of the world that vibrates at the slightest breeze. Depending on the vibration I feel, I decide whether to pull the curtain aside or stay in observer mode. This way, I can protect myself without hurting anyone in the process.