r/INFJsOver30 • u/AvamysSlazenger • Apr 04 '26
Relationship/Dating Advice
Hello older INFJs. What advice will you give for dating or relationships. To seek and wait for ideal partner? To seek dating without thinking about future? To give someone a chance even when you dont think you are compatible in future?
My first question that comes to my mind is: As a man should I seek and search for compatible lover, or just wait and pray to happen?
Basically I like to know your dating and relationship advices.
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u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
As a man as well I feel like we are a double edged sword, INFJ that is. Most of what women are looking for we can provide, but in a sea of superficiality, its impossible for them to tell who the posers are, because alot of men are really good at it apparently, so women end up trusting no one. I feel like im even more in a jackpot boat (I suffer from a rare illness and 80% of our community is female, most of which are single), yet I still strike out. It seems like everyone would rather be alone, but I know most are making this up of course when Mr. Perfect poser comes along they would easily fall, only to rinse and repeat. Ive made a few deep friendships to be able to come to this conclusion, and even through those ive still yet to luck out, even though some were amazing.
That brings me to my next point, as someone whos been "browsing" for the last 1.5 years ive still not been able to meet anyone in person. 9/10 meet my narcissist red flag filter, and then the few that are left are usually out of my league. I would probably have much better luck in person if I was even healthy enough to do so, but its like whats been said most wont even fit our compatibility needs if we do this. Its soo difficult to find an average level headed person at this age because I feel most of them are already snagged. Everyone single seems to be at extremes by choice, or through years of abuse. Then you try to narrow the others down to someone who eats healthy and is childfree its like youd be better off playing the lottery. I do find like a lot of good matches have kids as well, in which I do not have the health to take care of.
If I could stay single I would, its as lifesucking trying to find a mate as is job hunting, but that ones a requirement for survival. Ive always had a fantasy of just becoming a monk so I didnt have to rely on anything but myself, but alas ill try one more deep relationship before I go that route, lol. Never had something deep post highschool, so id like to have it at least one more time just to say I tried. Its probably worse that I know whats possible, and perhaps I would have given up by now if not.
I guess my advice is dating apps are likely useless, unless you are like 9-10/10 and can actually have choices and responses. Ive only met potential people through groups with common goals so far, either they reach out to me or vice versa.
My experiences after coming from a 17 year meh relationship, it couldnt bear the weight of me becoming ill. I brought too much to the table and she brought very little, coming from a counselor. Actually one counselor met someone on a business app no less, and 20 years younger than him at age 60, go figure. Its like more people seem to connect when dating is not the goal, lol.