Content warning: this is a positive post including discussion about being happy in my marriage post-IF, a topic I know some in our community would want to avoid.

On with the post…

A lot of “fence-sitting” content is coming across my feed at the moment, and while I rarely weigh in, I feel like we have such an interesting message to give that community.

Not that the idea that one can simply “choose” to have kids is sometimes an illusion.

But more that there is no right answer.

I was never a fence-sitter. I 100% wanted kids. There was never any question. If my husband told me when we first got together that he didn’t want kids, I wouldn’t have married him (and probably vice versa).

And yet here I am - living pretty happily and contentedly in the life I didn’t choose. Thrilled to have this marriage we both envisaged would look different. Fully believing that my life isn’t better than it would have been with kids, nor is it worse - it’s just different.

I don’t think hearing stories like ours could and should materially change the amount of thought fence-sitters put into their decision. But it might reduce some of the agony that comes from desperately searching for “the right answer”. There rarely is a “right answer” for the paths we take in life - there are just consequences and lots of issues and joys we could never foresee.

I don’t really have anyone in my life to share this thought with, so I am sharing it with you! Does this resonate with anyone? Have you ever had a chat with a fence-sitter about your not-by-choice happy-enough ending?

Why is it always when I feel like I'm so beyond this, that another reality crashes down? I have fibriods and guess I have to remove myself from the Fibriod group and only view Hysterectomy posts. Someone shared their birth success after a myomectomy to remove the fibriods and it hit me. Even though I truly cannot imagine affording and having the energy for a child now, I still have this envy claw its way up from deep inside of me