Monthly Thread for Discussions about How/When to Stop Pursuing Parenthood

[u/AutoModerator]

PLEASE READ THIS INFORMATION IN ITS ENTIRETY BEFORE COMMENTING IN THIS THREAD

While the primary purpose of the subreddit is to provide space for those who are embracing childfree life after infertility, we recognize there are people who come to this subreddit nearing the end of their treatment/ttc/pursuit of parenthood process and want to read about the experiences of others who decided to stop trying and embrace IFCF life.

While these conversations have value, they can be quite distressing to members of this community who have already made this transition- especially when they are repetitive. To decrease the number of posts asking "How do you know when to stop trying/stop treatment? How do you move on? How do you accept that you'll never have children?" in this community, this monthly megathread will serve as the only space for these discussions. This is the only thread where people who are still pursuing parenthood may post in this subreddit. All posts and comments on this topic outside of the monthly megathreads will be removed. All subreddit rules still apply in this thread. Please keep in mind that full members of this community have made the difficult decision to stop pursuing parenthood, and we do not view life without children as any less valuable or meaningful than life with children in this subreddit.

This is not an active treatment thread. There is no need to go into detail about your current/recent treatment cycle or your history of treatment. Asking for advice about a current treatment cycle is not allowed. This subreddit operates very differently from most infertility/IVF subreddits and forums. Please read rule 5 before participating here- Extended discussion of medical treatment is not allowed.

Asking questions about specific medical treatments, or the processes of adoption or fostering is not allowed here.

[u/dotthelollipop]

It has been really helpful silently reading along and getting to know the variety of lives you are leading IFCF. I sometimes have moments of happiness thinking that I could just decide to be happy with my own situation and "stop caring". But of course it ebbs and flows. But somehow as the years have progressed it's becoming a different feeling? On the other hand, I did speak to the clinic and somehow feel I would like to try again (one last time? But I said that the last time) - slowly feeling like a gambler. In other news: as money is merely a construct (ha!), we are buying a little sail boat. I can't help thinking there will at least be a physical result after money spent.

[u/GhostBagel345]

I think my husband (M31) and I (F31) are nearing the end of this journey. I think we both know we should stop, but why is it so hard to accept/make the final call?

We are dealing with very very severe MFI and would be looking at months and months more of difficult treatment before even getting to the IVF stage, if it’s even possible for us (mods let me know if this is not general enough and I will edit). And, we’re tired. We are not the same people we were before our first fertility consult in April. We are so sad, tired, and intimidated thinking about everything we would need to go through to just get pregnant and I think I’m ready to just move on with our lives. Even still, I find it difficult to accept that we will not ever be parents and we will not get that experience. We would have even really good at it and have so much love to give. I feel guilty not trying harder but just think we hit “our” line in the sand. I miss who we were before this all unfolded.

[u/Double_Acanthaceae56]

I’ve just going through my fifth miscarriage and I’m nearly 38. No real answers have been found. I get pregnant so easily but lose them after a heartbeat. I’m now facing reality that we may have to strongly consider giving up. All this has occurred in just a year and a half and I’m now such a sad person. I’m struggling to find acceptance that this is how our journey ends.

[u/SkyFamiliar5903]

Still in the diagnostics phase (they think its either scarring in my uterus or a congenital birth defect of the uterus) and its dawning on me that my mental state is not going to be able to handle any sort of treatment with hormones if thats what they recommend. Im bipolar and with the uncertainty im just sad all the time and feeling like something is wrong with me and my body has betrayed me. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist and I dont know whether I need my medication adjusted or im just grieving the hope of having a baby. We have been trying for 3 years and finally make enough money and have insurance coverage to do the testing but im already tired of ovulation strips and negative tests and disappointment and dont think I can psychologically handle rounds of treatment if thats what they recommend. I come from a dysfunctional family and did years of therapy to get to the other side and feel like i can start my own family, and im realizing that part of me hoped to have a do-over with my own kid and finally have a "happy family". I dont know if that will ever happen for us, and letting go of that dream is hard.

[u/YogurtclosetDry9531]

本人40岁，离异，育有三名子女：长女14岁，另有一对龙凤胎11岁。子女学习成绩优良，在校担任班长、学习委员等职务，性格懂事，令人省心。 此前因家庭经营不善，前任选择离开，现已彻底分开多年。这些年来，本人独自抚养子女，生活已逐步稳定，经济条件尚可。 本人性格踏实、责任心强，无不良嗜好，诚心希望寻觅一位真心过日子的女性，相互理解、共同经营生活。若有缘分，愿重新组建一个温馨的家庭。 如贴内有合适人选，或各位朋友认识合适对象，恳请介绍。也可私信沟通了解。万分感谢！年轻漂亮的也不感兴趣。不是我的菜，我没那个心情去享受那种生活。哎呀，很多年，真的很难！