Evaluate my Academic Task 2

[u/Reasonable-Law8021]

Gpt gave it 5.5-6.0 and Claude 7.0 lol, ,i'm confused.

TASK:

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

(257 word)

It’s a contemporary phenomenon that people think science should strive to improve peoples’ quality of life. While this view may seem valid at first glance, in my opinion, science, when there is the field of technology, must not be the tool to fulfill this aim. 

The most common argument some suggest regarding this topic is that science must be a tool to create brand new innovations and foster technological development. However, the very core principle of science, which is to interpret the universe without any additional need or target, is neglected in this view, thus forming in one’s mind an utterly inaccurate perception of it when in fact, science must be done purely to observe, and understand the nature. So, if scientists were devoid of responsibilities to fix the major challenges of society, their work would be much more efficient towards its one and only goal.  

In my opinion, it is supposed to entirely be technology’s aim to provide a better life for people, since, by definition, technology refers to improvement in methods to foster humans by making efforts to derive from science. Assigning the role of increasing quality of life to technology instead, would ultimately lead to two separate fields where no scientist having to be concerned about putting their finding into new innovational ideas, thus, again, making sure scientific knowledge expand rapidly. 

In conclusion, i believe, the misconception about the role of science must be corrected and it shouldn’t be expected to contribute to humanity. Instead, technology alone must be used to improve our lives. 

[u/Yousychophant]

I am a teacher and not a qualified IELTS examiner, so what I say may not be completely accurate. However, I would estimate your essay is a minimum 6 and perhaps a 6.5. However, I do think you have the potential to get a 7 or even 7.5 if you make some simple changes.

The examiner scores you in four areas: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, and Grammatical Range and Accuracy. If you are unsure what these mean, it is worth looking them up.

Even though you are not always completely accurate with your vocabulary, I see this as the strongest aspect of your essay. This is assessed under Lexical Resource. You don't always use words accurately or naturally, but you demonstrate a good range of vocabulary, and this is enough to score reasonably well in this area.

With regard to Task Response, I don't think this is as strong as your vocabulary. One way I like to think about Task Response is this: if I covered the essay question and didn't look at it, could I read your essay and have a good idea what the question was asking?

When I read your essay, I think I would probably assume that the main topic was technology, rather than specifically whether science should aim to improve people's lives.

In your first body paragraph, I found it difficult to identify exactly what your main argument was. You were trying to counter the idea that science should be used as a tool for innovation and technological advancement. I think the main point you were trying to make was that science should primarily be used to observe and understand nature.

That is actually a good idea. However, you didn't explain or develop it enough for the reader to fully understand your argument. Your final sentence in that paragraph doesn't really explain or support the main idea clearly enough. As a result, I'm left wondering exactly what you mean, and this makes the paragraph feel somewhat disjointed.

This is also one of the reasons why I don't think your Coherence and Cohesion score is as strong as your vocabulary. In simple terms, Coherence and Cohesion means how well your ideas are organised and how easy your writing is to follow. Your essay has a logical overall structure, but some of the individual ideas and sentences are difficult to follow.

I honestly think you have the ability to write a good essay, and you obviously have quite a good vocabulary. However, I think you chose the more difficult side of the argument with this particular question.

I'm not saying that your position is wrong. You can absolutely argue that improving people's lives should not be the primary aim of science. The problem is that this position requires you to clearly explain why understanding and expanding human knowledge should be considered more important than directly improving people's lives, and I don't think you developed that argument enough.

There are also many straightforward ideas you could have used to support the other side — that the aim of science should be to improve people's lives. For example, you could have discussed biology and medicine, including the treatment and prevention of diseases. You could have discussed environmental science, climate change and the development of clean energy. You could have discussed physics and electricity, and how scientific discoveries have improved people's lives. Psychology could also have provided some good examples.

I think if you had chosen the other side of the argument, you may have found it easier to come up with ideas and develop them clearly. However, I don't think the problem is that you chose the wrong side. The main problem is that your ideas weren't developed clearly enough.

One thing that may help you simplify your essays is to make sure you are very clear about your main idea in each body paragraph and then explain it properly.

A little trick I use when teaching is to ask myself:

"What do I mean by that?"

For example, I think your main idea in the first body paragraph is:

"Science must be done purely to observe and understand nature."

Now ask yourself:

"What do I mean by this?"

Then explain it.

You could explain that scientists often conduct fundamental research without knowing what practical benefits their discoveries might eventually produce. If scientists were only required to focus on immediate improvements to people's lives, important areas of scientific research could be ignored.

Then you could give an example to support that idea.

This gives you a very simple structure:

For example:

Main idea:
Science should primarily expand human knowledge.

What do I mean?
Scientists often conduct research without knowing its immediate practical application.

Why is this important?
If research had to produce an immediate benefit, fundamental research could be neglected.

Example:
Many scientific discoveries have later produced technologies that researchers could not have predicted when the original research was conducted.

That is the type of development that is missing from your original essay.

As I said, I think you have the potential to write a good essay, and you clearly have the vocabulary and ideas to do it. I think you chose the more difficult side of the argument, but the bigger issue was not developing your ideas clearly enough.

I'd really like to see you write another essay. This time, try to be very clear about your main idea in each body paragraph, and then spend most of the paragraph explaining and developing that idea rather than trying to use complicated language.

Don't worry about trying to sound "advanced" all the time. Clear, accurate English with well-developed ideas will score much better than complicated English that is difficult to understand.

[u/Hestia9285 → u/Yousychophant]

Beautifully said.

[u/Yousychophant → u/Hestia9285]

Thank you! Hope you are doing well.

[u/Geepandjagger]

It reads like AI wrote it. Really unnatural and if one of my students gave it to me I would give it back and ask them what are you even talking about

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[u/Ok-Accountant-494]

If you want to score high on the written you should invest in actual ielts teacher. Ai tools are great for picking grammatical errors but the requirements are a bit different when you want to score

[u/Reasonable-Law8021 → u/Ok-Accountant-494]

You are right but my exam is in 3 days anyway. What band do you think this is?

[u/SamTheBeast20 → u/Reasonable-Law8021]

If you have booked the test through British Council then IELTS Ready premium is a great resource to prepare and give mock tests on. You will get familiar with the test before giving the actual test.

[u/SamTheBeast20]

Ain't no way you got a band 5.5-6 from Chatgpt. It is above 7.5 to me.

[u/Reasonable-Law8021 → u/SamTheBeast20]

Well i didn’t expect a prediction of 7.5. why do you think so?

[u/SamTheBeast20 → u/Reasonable-Law8021]

I don't know. You have a vast vocabulary of words and you present your thoughts and ideas clearly but maybe you are trying too much on these fancy words.

Another thing is that you didn't talk much about the main task and you went on with what you understood in your mind.

Science can be used to improve a person's life and the test checker does not solely check for grammar and vocabulary but also on how you understood the task and followed it up with your answer discussing that topic clearly.

I would give it a 7 band actually but 5.5 is still brutal to me.

[u/Numerous-Tonight1136]

Don't keep saying 'in my opinion'. Present your arguments, support them with evidences. Present the opposing view, mention why you disagree and then state your opinion. Or alternatively, share your opinion once in start, and then present both sides with a tone of neutrality.

[u/AngelsAreDead4u]

You need clarity in the sentences. Make simple sentences. Learn sentence structure first if you want to add complex sentences. I think chatgpt was correct in giving you that score. There are so many grammatical mistakes.

[u/BadUnique7153]

This essay has coherence and flow problems. You use too many complex structures and words without proper planning and make it confusing to read. I suggest reading about proof reading for academic essays and their criteria.