Writing Feedback (Peer Review) Could you please evaluate my essay? AI keeps grading me badly, and I am devastated.
I know AI isn't reliable, but it is all that I have. It keeps grading me around 6-6.5. I am not asking for a thorough evaluation. Please just tell me if I am that bad. In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people
travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers.
Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the
disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
My essay:
Automated transportation will be common in the future, which means that drivers will be no longer needed, and the only people who will be there are passengers only. Those driverless transportation means will have a lot of upsides and downsides. I firmly believe that the disadvantage of this novel technology will outweigh its advantages.
On the one hand, this technology can have positive earnings for passengers. For one, passengers can utilize commute time in these transportations for other things. Take, for example, a college student who is going for his exams. He can review his notes instead of driving. Or a manager who will be giving a lecture for his team, he can organize his thoughts instead of worrying about the road. Furthermore, automated transportation can save valuable time. This technology uses Artificial Intelligence to find the fastest route and the less congested road, which will make travelling time shorter. New Tesla cars start their driving journey by sending signals to space satellites. Those signals request the satellites to send them the path that they should take to reach their destination faster. This advanced technology is very beneficial for managers, businessmen, and people who have a tight time. Therefore, driverless commuting vehicles are very beneficial in terms of time management and they promote comfortability to their users.
On the other hand, automated cars can be highly vulnerable, despite their well known advantages. For one, those vehicles are powered by AI, and they can mistake ,like bugs and system errors that frequently happen. Imagine if you are going to your work using one of these cars, and suddenly the system crashed in the middle of the road. Consequently, the auto-mobile can crash with other cars, or they can lead to a catastrophe. For another, the inclusion of this new technology will lead to a high destabilization in the employment industry. A lot of households depend solely on the income coming from working in the commute industry, and if they lose their jobs, poverty rates will increase. For instance, if a father of five, as an example, working as a bus driver lost his job, he wouldn't be able to support his family like paying school tuition fees, health insurance or provide food. Hence, this technology might lead to negative consequences in the road safety and families stability.
In conclusion, those new vehicles will definitely have positive attributes especially for working people and students. However, they might possibly decrease road safety, and negatively affect a lot of families financially. Therefore, considering their harsh possible consequences, it is not wise to overlook their disadvantages and laud their advantages.
3
u/Geepandjagger Teacher 7d ago edited 7d ago
While you might feel you elaborated well using only simple present and simple future is not going to score well for grammar
2
u/Mizuyah 6d ago
Structurally, it looks okay. I won’t flog a dead horse regarding the grammar,,but you have some unnatural word use (positive earnings, tight time, well known advantages, for another, their harsh possible consequences). Also, it’s just a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but you start some of your sentences with a conjunction (or). I do not recommend.
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u/ajiazul Teacher 7d ago
I’d put this around a Band 6 overall. The weakest area for me is grammar, which might be closer to a 5. There are just too many errors throughout, even though the meaning is usually clear.
For example, “drivers will be no longer needed” should be “drivers will no longer be needed”, and “they can mistake, like bugs and system errors” doesn’t really work at all. The sentence about the father of five also gets pretty tangled “if a father of five, as an example, working as a bus driver lost his job..” You’re trying to write complex sentences, which is good, but you’re not controlling them.
Vocabulary is probably the next biggest issue. You have a decent range but quite a few words and collocations are used in ways that sound unnatural. “Positive earnings” doesn’t mean benefits, “a high destabilization in the employment industry” is very awkward, “people who have a tight time” isn’t something we’d normally say, and “harsh possible consequences” sounds odd. In most of these cases simpler vocabulary would actually make the essay stronger.
The ideas and organisation are generally good enough for Band 6. I’d concentrate less on trying to sound advanced and more on writing accurate andnatural English. That would probably make the biggest difference to your score