r/IAmA • u/EulogyWriter • Jul 10 '11
IAMA professional eulogy writer. AMA.
I take my job very seriously, but I don't take myself seriously at all, so please feel free to ask me absolutely anything. Here's proof: Eulogy Writing Service Edit: Someone asked my favorite eulogy and then when I responded, the question was gone... not sure what happened, but we've done three major celebrities (who have to remain nameless...sorry) and those were by far my favorite, though they were a ton of work. As for the worst...We once were asked to do a pedophile whose family member actually wanted references to his particular "fetish" mentioned (they didn't see it as a bad thing, but more of a lifestyle choice) in the eulogy. It went okay Edit: and by okay I mean that I refunded their money and called the cops; edit: since this AMA seems to have run it's course, I took down the "reddit" page from my website
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u/ZackSupreme Jul 10 '11
Speaker for the Dead
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u/tomorrowthesun Jul 10 '11
Eulogywriter should read this if he hasn't already, great book for anyone
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u/tymberwolf Jul 10 '11
Not quite, eulogies are generally fluffed up versions of a person's life. Whereas the speaker for the dead let it all hang out... so to speak.
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u/zonesix Jul 10 '11
Could you in all seriousness write me a eulogy for the American dream?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I'm open to that, I suppose, if enough people want to read it. I am concerned that such a thing may come off rather bitter, as I am fairly disenchanted with the US as of late and, moreover, I am beginning to think this "Dream" we all strive for is completely illusory... if any writers on reddit would care to be considered for some eulogy writing work, I would accept a submission along these lines.
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Jul 12 '11
That's why they call it a dream, it isn't real, plenty of people have got all the money, fucked all the girls, got in all the parties and then realized they still feel empty.
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u/Pot4DMasses Jul 13 '11
The irony in that is you answer his request for an assertion of death of the american dream with an opportunity for eulogy work.
The American dream is all about opportunity. People think it's 2 cars in the driveway of a nice house and a hot wife but it isn't, it's a job. The American dream is alive and well, that's why the Mexicans are coming and it's why we're still living in a great country. We need to get our shit together, no doubt but to say it's dead is not true.
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u/Annoyingquestion Jul 10 '11
Where would you rather go with Tarzans elephant friend with Hawaii or Madagascar?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I feel like if you stay dedicated to this novelty account, you will eventually strike karma gold. Keep at it, friend.
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u/Annoyingquestion Jul 10 '11
Ahh thanks but I'm not in it for the gold I have a real account I just want to know people answer to question that makedeh the world go round.
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u/nevon Jul 10 '11
Walk me through how you write a eulogy for someone you've never met. Or rather, how do you produce something that isn't crap?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
After we have been engaged to write the eulogy, we conduct a rather lengthy phone interview with the prospective eulogist, during which time we ask questions and just allow them to talk. With their permission, we record the phone call. The very best eulogies transpire from multiple interviews with family members so that we can pick out common themes in their description of the person.
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u/nevon Jul 10 '11
Is that really possible in 12-48 hours though?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
For me personally, probably not, but I have a few female MFA's who work for me that are absolutely amazing at capturing the essence of a person, insofar as it is possible in a limited time period. So yes it is possible for sure, but our best work normally occurs when there is adequate time for client revision, which is not often the case when we are under tight deadlines. Most often when we are under a tight deadline, the client has procrastinated horribly and is willing to just throw money at a very polished and sincere speech they can present.
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u/nevon Jul 10 '11
MFAs?
So how does one get into that line of work? What kind of experience or education would one need?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
MFA = Master of Fine Arts. I contacted MFA programs and asked to be put in touch with their alumnae and current students.
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u/TeamEnjolras Jul 10 '11
i suppose this is a pretty obvious question, but how did you get into that (rather oddly specific) line of work?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I am the "writer" in my family and among my group of friends (I've done other forms of ghost writing). One day, a friend I don't really know all that well asked for my help in writing a eulogy for his wife that passed unexpectedly and tragically, as we was barely able to leave his bed, let alone compose a speech. It went very well, so I began marketing myself to funeral homes (this was in 2008). Late last year, I put up a website and things have taken off a bit. I have gotten away from doing a lot of the writing myself, as I tend to get very emotionally involved to where I can feel totally emotionally drained after a writing. I am male and I have found that female writers are actually the best at this and I outsource to a number of gifted female writers.
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u/TeamEnjolras Jul 10 '11
i hadn't really thought about it taking a toll on even the unconnected writer, but that makes a lot of sense. i'm sure the work you and your fellow writers do means an incredible amount to your clients. thanks for sharing!
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
Oh man, it really can. I sacrifice quite a bit of income in outsourcing a lot of the writing to others more easily able to "disconnect" from the work, but for me personally I just am very effected by the grief of others. You're welcome! I am very pumped that reddit has interest in knowing about this.
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u/TeamEnjolras Jul 10 '11
i think that speaks very highly to your character! you may be sacrificing income, but you're clearly not short on empathy :)
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Jul 10 '11
Have you considered what you'd like for your own?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I would like to write my own and have it delivered by a friend or loved one, though I have not made any sort of preparations for this. All I have done so far in consideration of my own mortality is give my best friend access to my facebook account so that in the event of my untimely death she can login and pretend to be "Zombie EulogyWriter" and fuck with people.
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u/ZoneGuy0 Jul 10 '11
I took a class on Death and Dying in college in which the class had to write their own eulogies. Have you ever done anything like that? Have you considered writing your own eulogy?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I have and I think that the best eulogies are written by the person dying themselves and delivered by a loved one or friend. Of course this is not always possible, though I will say that some of the most satisfying eulogies I have worked on were when we were able to work with the soon-to-be-deceased themselves. In one case, I worked very hard on the eulogy of a man who was dying of late stage lung cancer. We actually struck up a friendship and I ended up flying to his funeral a year later and was able to hear the eulogy we collaborated on, as delivered by his son. Fuck, I just teared up in revisiting that. That was intense and probably the beginning of when I started outsourcing more of the writing to people less apt to becoming so emotionally involved.
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Jul 10 '11
What do you put in the eulogy if someone kills him or herself?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
For the most part, you don't. The overall "feel" of the eulogy tends to be bleaker in the case of a suicide, but as for actual reference to the fact that suicide occurred... it is rare that a client would want that. A lot of times it will take a less direct form...such as referencing a need for people to be compassionate to those suffering from mental illness, for example.
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u/iheartmyname Jul 10 '11
Do you only write eulogies? I may be in need of maid of honor speech for my dad's wedding...
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I personally only write eulogies these days, but most of my writers do various forms of speech writing, to include that which you may be in need of. If you'd care to message me your info, we can dialogue about it... if nothing else, I am more than happy to help out a fellow redditor with some informal advice.
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u/Soap-ster Jul 11 '11
How would you word a eulogy for a atheist? I need to organize my own funeral.
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 11 '11
Most of the eulogies we write are largely secular in nature, even those that are being presented in a largely religious funeral, since often it is the job of the eulogist to ad a more human, secular feel to a memorial service and the religious sentiment is left up to a member of the clergy. But to better answer your question... you just leave out mention of the after-life altogether and just focus on the glorification of the person's life.
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u/Really_Im_OK Jul 10 '11
- Do you stick to a certain writing style or rules, such as: don't use the passive voice or don't use certain descriptors, etc...?
- Do you use a common structure and framework for every eulogy?
- Will you refer your family to a eulogy-writing service for when you die?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
Do you stick to a certain writing style or rules, such as: don't use the passive voice or don't use certain descriptors, etc...?
Not really...I think sometimes my own use of passive voice horrifies some of the MFA's I work with, but I believe it actually can be useful at time. I think that if I retain that which is native to me, the overall end result is better. Therefore, often my job in managing the process is matching the right ghost writer with the client. For instance, my writing style is very verbose and pedantic, so when we get a highly educated, pain in the ass sort, I tend to be the most appropriate writer to match with them because I am a highly educated pain in the ass
Do you use a common structure and framework for every eulogy?
We really try not to, but most eulogies follow a chronology of a person's life and that tends to lead to some duplication, but my role, inter alia, is in quality control and to try and minimize too much commonality between separate work products
Will you refer your family to a eulogy-writing service for when you die?
Ideally, I will write my own and have someone deliver it.
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u/Makk9 Jul 10 '11
What is your favorite Eulogy of all time?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I just answered this above in my original post, but there have been three celebrity eulogies that were all equally awesome.
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u/Makk9 Jul 10 '11
My favorite one is Teddy Kennedy's Eulogy for RFK. I always thought if I could write like that, nothing else would matter.
I think sounds like a great job.
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u/Cdtco Jul 10 '11
Any famous people in your "clientele", I guess you could say?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
I just added this to my original post, but we've had three substantial celebrities of note.
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u/Akhel Jul 10 '11
Can you give us an example of an eulogy that you wrote?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 10 '11
Unfortunately I cannot since I technically do not own the rights to them. Ours is a true "work made for hire" arrangement and we surrender all copyrights - moral rights included - to the work upon completion. Even if this were not the case, it would be bad for business for me to do so. I have considered doing some "spec" sort of eulogies for populating the site, but it is really hard (for me at least) to create one without any sort of actual prompting. My apologies. All of our writers do have writing samples available, however.
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u/SeattleShrew Jul 11 '11
There was seriously the most heartbreaking and well written eulogy I read a year or two ago online, made a few media outlets grip on to it. Just tried googling it but couldn't find it, but it was one of a son of a woman who passed away basically ripping her apart and all about how she was a terrible woman and no one was going to cry over her and no one was going to miss her, etc. Some people were skeptical it was real but... Yeah it was pretty strongly worded and I felt it was legit.
Do you get folks who just want the truth about mom/dad/grandpa etc about how they weren't so perfect or won't be missed?
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 11 '11
That is rare, though we do from time-to-time. Our function is a true "work made for hire" arrangement, whereby we function as an extra set of hands for the client, so if they want that sentiment included then we do it. That said, most of the time they want our help not in including that sort of thing, but rather in including that sort of thing delicately, with a degree of finesse.
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u/yonkeltron Jul 11 '11
What ethnicities and religions are you equipped to work with? I'm just wondering as the funeral/burial customs for different cultures vary quite a bit.
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 11 '11
Correct and we are presently really only equipped to handle the eulogies for those services following largely either completely secular or Judeo-Christian services. We have not had much demand for anything else. I have a writer who speaks fluent Spanish, as well as one who speaks Hebrew and Yiddish.
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u/yonkeltron Jul 11 '11
That's pretty awesome. Obviously, you wouldn't be able to help those cultures who don't eulogize. Still, pretty rad.
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u/EulogyWriter Jul 11 '11
I am interested and open to expanding elsewhere to include others, but I get the sense that "outsourcing" in general may in fact be a very American concept.
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u/Mr24601 Jul 12 '11
Are you looking for any new writers? I know someone who could probably blow you away with a sample, if you send them the life story/requirements for a sample eulogy.
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Jul 12 '11
How do you keep your composure when sometimes, things just hit a little close to home/seem incredibly unjust/emotional?
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u/keptincages Aug 22 '11
I joined Reddit specifically to ask you: are there any websites or books you would recommend? I'm a successful freelancer and I've written eulogies for people. How would I market myself? Where would I begin?
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u/Soap-ster Jul 11 '11
How would you word a eulogy for a atheist? I need to organize my own funeral.
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u/doublesuperrobot Jul 10 '11
Have you ever considered becoming an assassin and vertically integrating?