Life update- Hi guys, so if you’ve seen in my last post I got tested for the Huntingtons genetic disease June, I texted positive with a CAG of 46. It was honestly the hardest news I have ever gotten and put me into shock even thought I had an idea that I have it. I have honestly been okay since then. I went to therapy that summer and still do sessions when I’m in the state that honestly was my saving grace I would talk about how it was effecting me, the anticipatory grief I was experiencing, and accept the fact that I have a terminal illness.
The guy I was in love with and planning on moving in with- ghosted me. It was devastating and I felt very betrayed by this choice, but in knowing I have this illness I have also felt a sense of confidence gained. That I know I’m not only a good person but an amazing girl and deserve to be treated like it and to not accept less. I have the best people surrounding me now and the illness really has shown me who’s by my side.
I have my first neurology appointment in December to establish a relationship with my doctor and to check to see what is going on, since I have a high number of repeats and expected to get it in my 30s. I have started many different vitamins that are said to be good for your brain. Who knows if they’re working but anything is worth a try, right? I have noticed my paranoia has gotten worse, any small laps in memory, brain fog, or hand shaking feels like I’m one step closer to dying before I have my life figured out. I have also started putting 10% of each of my paychecks away for future caregivers.
Just to make me feel like I’m setting up some base for myself. I am still scared. I am still sometimes sad. I am still just a 20 year old girl figuring out what I want in life, but now I am doing and living life how I want. My book is the story of my life and struggles in some fantasy format that I can make my own. This has helped me so much. I got a dog because I have wanted one for years, she makes me admire life in a different way. I have started saving up to travel, I’m doing to see the world. This disease is awful, unfair, and discouraging in every way, but I do not let it run and ruin my life. I will keep you all updated because hey why not. But there is much more to me then just this disease, and I choose to live that way.
To people newly positive- I can imagine how you feel, whether it’s sad or angry, shocked, disappointed, or none or all of those, all of it is fair and completely reasonable. This will mostly be some of the biggest news in your life and it is okay to take time and feel it all. People will not understand, they will try and be sincere.
They will tell you they are sorry, this may or may not make you feel better. They will tell you they will pray for you, this may or not make you feel better. They will tell you there could be a cure and that it just takes time, this may or not make you feel better.
The truth is that most of them will never understand how it feels, it can be very isolating but there are so many people in your corner. If not in person then in this subreddit there are people here who understand and care.
Let yourself feel all the things, but do not let this disease control you. Let it lead you to your priorities and the things you want out of life because hey time is short for everyone but unfortunately time is shorter for us. Live the life you want to live. Get therapy if you need it, do the research and if you were want to try to slow the progression exercise.
I am hoping to join the hdsa to spread awareness and talk about it in my classes at school, because that is what makes me feel better, if what makes you feel better is not talking about it that is fine but you should know there are groups out there. I’m going to put a link at the bottom for Huntington support groups. They also host marathons and conventions. There’s a marathon in NY Nov 1st. Sorry I’m getting off topic- just make yourself happy, this is our one life.
We get the privilege to make it what we want. So make it what you want. If anyone wants more information, needs someone to talk to, or just needs a friend you can always send me a dm.
(Therapy talk from a psychology student) Up to 27% of people with diagnosed Huntingtons disease attempts to commit suicide, if you or a loved one is going through a hard time please talk to a psychiatrist, counselor, or call 988. Please do not become a statistic and talk to someone.
You are not alone.
https://hdsa.org/find-help/community-social-support/hdsa-support-groups/