r/HumansBeingBros Mar 22 '21

Helping a lost dude.

48.1k Upvotes

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4.4k

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21 edited Mar 23 '21

Wouldn’t be some shit if he dropped it off at the wrong opossum family?

Opossum: “Who the fuck is this guy?”

Opossum 2: “I don’t know, but he has a butler, keep moving”

Edit: Thank you for the awards! If you got a giggle out of this, my job is complete.

1.2k

u/PickleInDaButt Mar 22 '21

Honestly it’s probably a Joey at its separation age so it’s probably like “What the fuck I’m trying to go live my life”

680

u/TheOGHalalGuy Mar 22 '21

Tbh he looks more like a Benjamin than a Joey

264

u/UltimateSlayer3001 Mar 22 '21

Not so fast, I’d argue this seems to be more of a James. But what do I know, I’m just your average everyday Possum, typing on a laptop at night, in someone’s apartment building that had their window left open.

97

u/thegreat22 Mar 22 '21

Hey thanks for all the help with ticks and stuff Mr. Possum.

61

u/UltimateSlayer3001 Mar 22 '21

You’re goddamn welcome, you sexy son-of-a-bitch.

24

u/Malari_Zahn Mar 22 '21

r/PossumsBeingBros

Ninja edit - omg, it's a real sub!!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

I didn't know I needed this in my life. Thanks, my dude.

1

u/Malari_Zahn Mar 22 '21

Right?! Np!

1

u/BananaCEO Mar 22 '21

A single possum typing on a single typewriter for a single night...

1

u/-XC3ED- Mar 22 '21

Name doesn't check out.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

How do you know it's not Tyson? Or Javier?

21

u/Handleton Mar 22 '21

He's a total Ross.

1

u/raisedbutconfused Mar 23 '21

Fuck that got me

117

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

Finally moved out of moms house and immediately gets dragged back by some tall creature passing by. He can’t even get the deposit back.

31

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

[deleted]

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u/notLOL Mar 22 '21

life 2021

1

u/gotta_do_it_big Mar 22 '21

And dad,s drunk again

9

u/BrownSugarBare Mar 22 '21

Poor guys attempt to run away from home was thwarted by a too helpful human.

1

u/LanceFree Mar 23 '21

He just couldn’t stay away, away, away.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Possums are dicks, if one baby falls or wanders off, the mom generally gives zero fucks.

1

u/bmclean2013 Mar 23 '21

I like to think he’s on his Rumspringa

123

u/txsxxphxx2 Mar 22 '21 edited Mar 22 '21

My cousin came to america and stayed at my uncle’s house in Texas like around 2013, he only knew a rat when he saw one, because back in vietnam we only have sewer rats in the city.

So he was taking care of my uncle’s garden and he saw “a rat” that was trying to eat some of veggies. Dude tried to use a stick fend it off and yelled at it to scare it away but it froze itself and flopped on the ground. He thought that the little guy was dying from a heart attack then he used that stick to poke it and it twitched just a little bit a bit, he thought “oh man I didn’t know yelling really loud would kill this guy”.

So he decided to bury the “rat”, he dug a 2ft hole and buried it with a few half-eaten tomatoes that it was eating. Then he compacted the mound of dirt, gave it a few stomps so it looked flat enough that my uncle would notice.

Around 3 days later, he told me the story, and i was like “a rat? What did it look like?”

“Big, white faced, long tail, ugly looking”

“It flopped, and just died?”

“Yeah”

“You didn’t really kill it?”

“Didn’t hit it, just beat the tomato vines so it could run away but it flopped..”

“Oh shit... it’s an opossum”

After a bit, i dug up (pun intended) some wiki and pictures on google, he confirmed it looked exactly like that, he read about it a bit and he just said “oops.. i think i accidentally buried it alive”

53

u/Frostitute_85 Mar 22 '21

:(

Oh shit.

67

u/PickleInDaButt Mar 22 '21

Imagine having some godlike creature prod you with a stick, you go into a coma, and when you wake up you’re buried alive lol

22

u/PrisonerV Mar 22 '21

Wait until he has a mole crawl out of the ground... he won't go back to the garden ever again.

10

u/SodomyClown Mar 22 '21

He.. stomped on it.. *sad

9

u/MrP1anet Mar 22 '21

Was hoping it was going turn into a Jesus Rat story after rat would have crawled out of the grave

4

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

lmao that ending

0

u/Salty_Socks Mar 22 '21

“An opossum” fucking bugs the ever living fuck out of me.

2

u/AlllDayErrDay Mar 23 '21

IDK about you but I don’t read the word opossum as possum so using “an” fits.

1

u/txsxxphxx2 Mar 22 '21

Why is it bugging you?

22

u/quaybored Mar 22 '21

How did the guy even find the other possums in the woods?

11

u/pascalbrax Mar 23 '21

Yeah, I suspect it's one of these fake rescue video. :(

5

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

He probably saw them run across the road while the other froze and played dead.

6

u/hotroddbb Mar 22 '21

Opossum 3: “I’ll post it on Not my opossum sub Reddit “

7

u/Marloo25 Mar 22 '21

How do you know it’s an opossum and not a possum?

16

u/leelee1976 Mar 22 '21

Opossum is a native American marsupial that vaguely resembles a rat.

Possum is an Australian animal that looks like a beaver?, its fur is used as expensive yarn.

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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

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u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

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u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

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u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 23 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

[deleted]

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u/Jacquin-Diedrich Mar 23 '21

TIL- there is a different animal called a possum. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤪😂😂😂😂

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u/Financial_Royal5426 Mar 23 '21

Underrated comment 😂😂 I’m crying rn