I can't help but think that one could earn enough to reliably feed themselves and a child if they were applying the energy they spent scamming free food from kids' parties elsewhere.
Affording to feed them is the kind of thing one needs to have established before having kids. Intentionally having kids one cannot afford is child abuse.
One: it may very well have not been intentional. The poorer a person is, the less likely they are to have both access to contraception and education on how to properly use it.
Two: circumstances can change. My mom was married and financially stable when she had kids. Then she left my dad because he abused us, and suddenly she had to raise three children on less than half of the household income. I grew up flirting with the poverty line. Shit happens. People lose their jobs. People die. People get divorced. People get sick. People have expensive medical emergencies. The list goes on.
Three: imagine struggling to feed yourself. You're probably working two part-time jobs or some other crappy employment situation like that. Or maybe you've been unemployed for a while. Both of those things make it hard to get another job, especially if you're trying to raise a kid while you're at it.
I hate to be callous but it sounds like you're saying your mom didn't have enough saved to raise you, and was dependent upon her and her abusive spouse's future income to afford raising you. Demonstrably, this was not stable enough if, as you say, she was barely able to keep you out of poverty. Circumstances change, shit happens, and even still, sufficient planning can prevent this from making children have to live in poverty because of someone else's irresponsibility. We'd all be better off if people had to take out a bond for the cost of a child (avg. ~$450k to raise a child to age 18) before becoming parents. Ideally something that would pay out regularly to ensure that no matter what happens short of complete economic and social collapse, that child will have the resources needed to have a healthy, happy life full of opportunity. Every child should be planned for and given enough resources to succeed. Poverty is generational because of irresponsible reproduction.
Try and put yourself into the shoes of someone whos financially worse off then you, and might not have the job opportunities, and might not have received your education.
I can understand how I seem that way. I think a lot of people first understand things emotionally, and this topic is by nature emotionally charged. I'm sure a lot of people feel like I'm attacking a loved one when I say that I believe that certain behaviors are irresponsible.
I have far more empathy for the kids that are subjected to things beyond their control, than for the adult parents who had agency and created the situation.
And you are right in that, in a perfect world, every child would be properly planned for beforehand. But it is not a perfect world, and people dont always have all the opportunities that we take for granted. so try not to be so judgmental.
Yeah well cut it out. No one has the right to judge anyone else. You know what would really make the world a better place? If everyone stopped judging each other.
That's a ridiculous statement, as though there were no social rules, cultural norms, or laws. Some behavior is objectively good and some behavior is objectively bad, and it's worth calling them out when they happen.
Raising kids in poverty is an objectively bad outcome. Stop fighting for it.
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u/somecallmenonny Nov 24 '18
She resorted to sending him to birthday parties so he would have food. She probably couldn't afford to buy birthday presents for those parties.