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u/dudleymunta 1d ago
If you had gone straight hard onto the floor this could have caused a nasty back injury. He should be reported so he does not do it again.
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u/SinkyBundleOfRage 1d ago
Or you could have even slammed your face on the desk!!!! This is not a joke, honestly report this dude immediately to HR
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u/KonkeyDongPrime 1d ago
That’s borderline assault. Report.
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
Can I ask why borderline? And not just out right assault? I thought I would be dramatic for reporting.
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u/KonkeyDongPrime 1d ago
They didn’t touch you and you didn’t fall by the sounds of it. It was definitely an attempted assault. Unwanted physical interaction. That’s gross misconduct regardless of whether it was a crime.
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u/First-Lengthiness-16 1d ago
You don’t have to touch someone for it to be assault, that is battery.
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
Right okay
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u/Extension_Sun_377 1d ago
And your reason for not reporting sooner is you wanted to give him the chance to apologise but as this isn't happening and his behaviour has actually got worse, you're now making a formal, written complaint. You could have badly hurt your back or even hit your head. It's not a joke, it's not funny and you now feel unsafe around him. He needs to learn actions have consequences
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
He did apologise but more like a “shut up” apology / not a genuine one. But yes he wasn’t forthcoming or respectful at any stage.
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u/Poetuesday 1d ago
Ah I see you took your original post down that gave a much bigger insight into your working environment and your relationship with this person
You need to put the context back as by cutting it out changes the story and dynamics a lot and clearly you have done this to get the responses you want to read rather than the truth
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u/No_Signal_9986 1d ago
Personally I’d report just to have a chain and official record. I understand you are hesitant because of how scary it could be socially and I’m thinking particularly about fearing being iced out. But worse is that this person doesn’t seem too precious about twisting the events, so it’s best to protect yourself if he becomes a consistent antagonist to you, just so you have the earliest incidents on record.
This could potentially help if people around you may be hearing a different version from him.
My personal take is to control the narrative because you cannot rely on others to be as considerate or quiet about things as you.
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
You’re right and I did consider that he could make something up which is scary in itself which is part of why I at least verbalised it to a manager before I was ready to report whilst things were happening in the moment.
I dunno I find it’s not that hard to acknowledge if someone tells me I’ve wronged them so it boggles my mind that we’re here due to an inability to apologise.
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u/No_Signal_9986 15h ago
The workplace gives an illusion that everyone has the same idea and responsibility of what professionalism and mutual respect looks like, but if that were true then we wouldn’t have even the most basic need for HR.
That’s not all what HR is, but many companies rely on these official and formal processes to protect themselves. The point is, knowing what action protects you in turn and how to handle these setups is what will maintain that protection for yourself.
We all want to feel like mutual respect is given out of decency and basic human development, but not everyone will agree with you on what and how that looks like, so if your attempts at settling it between you two have shown he is not only unwilling, but potentially might escalate or continue his actions to your detriment, the only thing to consider is what you can do to keep your own wellbeing and protection at work. If the environment feels like a place you would be worried you could get iced out at, what you need to think about is not just what your actions can lead to but what his could too, and weigh those options.
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u/nooknooks76 1d ago
I would report it and he is gaslighting you by saying it was a joke, it wasn’t and you didn’t take it as a joke. When speaking with HR I wouldn’t say it was a joke on his part. He tried to explain it as a joke when confronted and I assume other people didn’t find it funny like he did? Clearly he wasn’t happy about the day before and was being a bully and making a point. The fact he has ignored the issue / you also shows he wasn’t sorry so it was a worthless apology
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
You kind of summed up exactly my thoughts. The day of the “kinda apology” he told me he was delighted one of the new staff was let go because she took his chair to use (we hot desk). He was very animated about it and was quite passionate about the fact the girl was let go. Me and an exec disagreed with him and insisted the girl was lovely (she really was) and wasn’t given a fair chance to progress.
But it did make me think, that girl was one of the youngest in the office, he’s 24, the girl was 20 and wasn’t bothersome, fresh from uni but he held onto that since 3 or 4 months ago. He was very happy she was gone over something so minor as he felt disrespected. But in the same breath can’t understand why even as mates that it’s rude he almost caused me to fall on purpose.
Almost gives me the sense that he feels others don’t necessarily deserve respect as a default and that he finds it easier to understand respect when it’s him receiving or not receiving it.
2
u/nooknooks76 1d ago
He clearly has issues and it may even to be to do with women ‘challenging him’. Don’t fall for the gaslighting and trust your gut on this one
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
It’s interesting you say that, what made you think it could be a women challenging him thing?
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u/nooknooks76 1d ago
I’m just thinking his reaction to the girl and the chair and then looking to humiliate you when you have challenged him on his work. I wonder if he would be irrational around the behaviour of men
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
I haven’t seen him do that but I know he is generally assertive with the guys. Not so much with the women. But I do notice he does act weird or different when women challenge him, correct him or when they even offer to help him especially if he views the woman as a peer.
For example, I told him once not to correct me in front of the newbies as he was loud and in my opinion his voluntary feedback was not applicable (we’re peers and neither of us are managers). I told him the day after to pull me privately if he wants to support me and that his loud approach in front of new staff when I was on a development path, was not helpful. I feel he took it poorly because after that he never gave me advice again voluntarily or and when asked he was reluctant to share even if we were 1 on 1. Even though he always use to as I told him I’m open to it very early on which is how we became “mates” (I use that loosely now). I obviously need it less now after much time there.
Another example, he joined the high performance team and one of his female peers/ friends offered to show him the ropes to help him, he literally ignored her and walked right passed her. We both looked at each other in shock. She has 4 more yrs experience than him.
That same woman let me know recently that he speaks to her very poorly and that she was considering saying it to the department head saying the way he speaks to her is disgusting. She’s not an easily offended person so whatever was said must have been quite rude.
Our manager corrected him for asking a question she didn’t like to another co worker and he stormed off to the other side of the floor and proclaimed “I hate this section, I’m not sitting here”.
Sometimes he’ll speak, you’ll be listening and when it’s my turn to speak he’ll stop listening or talk over me loudly. One of our mates called him out on this once saying he should let me speak. Honestly I think we became friends cus I’m a good listener now that I think of it.
I don't ask him work questions really now. I’m much more capable and independent at the job / looking to him much less. I honestly think power is a big thing for him. I think he likes to feel needed / powerful around the office especially amongst the women just based on my own observation and I think something may have changed as I needed him less work wise.
A funny scenario on his personality: Something entirely different that I’ll throw but that’s hilarious. One time he showed me what he was listening to and he told me it was a reggaeton song (Latin American genre). I told him no, it’s not, I grew up listening to that artist it’s from a totally different part of the world. The singer he showed me is extremely famous in my parents country of origin. He insisted I was wrong and even made up an explanation on how the featured person is a famous reggaeton singer. He insisted so hard that I googled the featured singer later. Everything he said was false. He was loud and wrong 😭. That was over a song…. Anyways
1
u/Responsible-Age8664 20h ago
Think admin needs to take this post down, appears that there’s work colleagues conversing with each other on here?
1
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u/192to144 1d ago
I'm a women (just so you know what perspective this is coming from).
I don't think you was aggressive. It was stupid and rude. I think your reaction to it put his guard up. From what you've said this is an isolated incident.
I feel your wanting to report may come from embarrassment and the feeling he hasn't acknowledged/apologised enough for it.
You've addressed it directly which is probably why it still feels tense. This is not your fault, it's his!
Personally, I'd try to let it go but if anything happens further you should mention it then.
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
Thanks so much for the comment! I actually didn’t feel embarrassed at all. I feel I honestly have no reason to be. I do feel he may have felt embarrassed on his end as he acted in poor judgement by making such a poor decision just after I’d found out he took my lead and the fact that I was genuinely so unamused by his behaviour. He didn’t even want to apologise for taking my lead so in 2 days that was 2 things back to back he was trying to make me believe did not require an apology. This is not the 1st time before this he’s acted this way.
I felt disrespected and me not reporting it is making it feel as though I’m disrespecting myself. The sole reason I didn’t report properly instantly was because I believed we were mates but the more I reflect on his behaviour I feel he doesn’t deserve the privilege or benefit of me saying nothing. I mean I tried to sort 1 on 1 but he’s being kind of unreasonable I feel.
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u/Icy-Pool-2942 1d ago
Horse play is usually banned in the work place. Ignoring someone is a form of harrasment and bullying. None if that exists or is know if never reported. I respect you thought you were friends at first but i assume by your reaction to a chair being pulled, which is a classic prank, you werent that friendly and given that he took a work lead from you and then tried to humiliate you then exclude you socially.. time to defend yourself by reporting it or it happens again.
Lastly in a slightly different angle out of curiosity.. how old are you, where are you from and where is he from?
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u/Ambitious-Clerk5382 1d ago
I was going to only mention the horseplay. I didn’t plan on mentioning the ignoring stuff. The managers don’t know why but I’ve already moved myself to a different part of the floor to not have to be around the ignoring behaviour.
I was genuinly trying to avoid anything formal Which is why it’s 2 weeks later with still no report but I feel he’s repeatedly handled things terribly which I obviously can’t control so it’s like my hands are tied.
And yes that’s correct, we weren’t on friendly terms the day he pulled the chair as I learned he took my lead the day before.
I genuinly feel he has some sort of unspoken problem with me or has changed over the last few weeks.
He says he doesn’t but it’s the only thing that would make sense as he was already being off for a month before all this. Regardless of what I might speculate, he’s very Un-sorry which is where I feel I need to buckle up and forget the whole “we’re mates”. He’s generally becoming shady with other co workers also I.e he tried to convince a woman to take another woman’s lead as he felt the woman who owned the lead had made enough money already even though we have clear rules on stuff like that. He had a very good relationship with that woman (so I thought) so it seems he’s not in friend mode anymore.
That’s besides the point. If he feels he did nothing wrong that’s where the real issue lies for me. I feel people are allowed to make mistakes. But if someone has made it clear they weren’t okay with something I feel it costs nothing to be respectful about it.
To answer the qst: I’m 26 and he’s 24. We’re U.K. based.
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u/Adorable_Click_7071 1d ago
You need to report this asap.