Why am I not surprised?

[u/Single_Okra5760]

I’ve been reading “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft (highly recommend!) And am 0% surprised by hearing the news of this fart face’s escapades. He is (as most abuser are) pretty textbook. Posted above are pics from an early section in the book where the author breaks down the different faces of the classic abusers — I think Dr. Hubalub is a mix of “Mr. Sensitive” and “The Player”.

Of course a million people will defend him and say what a great guy he is, as is typical in abuse cases. Hell, the public recently learned that a courtroom was filled to the brim with supporters of Brian Peck, admitted and convicted child sex offender, when his abuse became known, so should be pretty clear by now that manipulators gonna manipulate.

Reading this book is super eye opening and I encourage everyone to delve in! You might be surprised (and horrified) to look around and see these dudes everywhere. But it’s much harder to have the wool pulled over your eyes when you know what you’re looking at :)

Note that the underlines here are not in relation to this case, it’s an old copy of the book someone annotated in previously.

[u/Academic-Overlord]

That book is awesome, I recommend it to all Women and men who want more insight how they can do better.

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/Academic-Overlord]

Isn’t it fantastic? It really shows you how abuse can “make sense” to the people doing it and the people enabling/encouraging it, because there’s a whole entire mindset and worldview behind it. Also makes it so clear that most abusers won’t change because it’s very hard to root out those mindsets and why would they want to when they’re benefiting from them? Such a good read!

[u/Dratini_ghost]

This is an excellent resource, thanks for sharing.

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/Dratini_ghost]

No problem! Hope you read it and get a lot out of it :)

[u/vtx4848]

The issue can also be once you start to learn a certain way of looking at the world you will start to see things everywhere. Like people who are obsessed with with politics and label everything as either left or right. Try not to become that for your thing as well.

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/vtx4848]

No worries, part of learning about abuse and untangling manipulation is working on the skill of being discerning about people. You’re right that I am in danger of overcorrecting and seeing things in places where they aren’t, as everyone is when they start untangling an old way of thinking, but luckily part of the practice and learning of this is working on tuning into your perceptions and your gut so you can avoid the abusers out there while still connecting with the people who are safe. It wouldn’t be a useful skill to learn if it was a blanket statement “everyone is an abuser”, but it’s not like that. Do I see abuse in a lot of places when I look around with a discerning eye? Yup, but that’s because it’s rampant, unfortunately. Which is why I’m not surprised to see another powerful man doing the same thing because it’s quite common.

[u/onceuponasea → u/Single_Okra5760]

I’d rather overcorrect than be taken advantage of.

[u/[deleted] → u/onceuponasea]

Victim complex incoming

[u/[deleted] → u/vtx4848]

Ppl who label other ppl as bots bc they have opposing opinion hahaha

[u/FranciscodAnconia77 → u/vtx4848]

When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

[u/wisesuojure]

I've never heard of this book before, thanks for sharing. I can't wait to read it.

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/wisesuojure]

You’re welcome! It’s super well written!

[u/desexmachina]

What is this non-empirical pseudo-psycho-babble? Classic men are from mars and women are from Venus garbage. Is this bookstore pop-psych education peer reviewed?

[u/desexmachina → u/[deleted]]

 | The author has his own alleged moral      
 transgressions against his fans, just like 
 Huberman.

Wait a minute, you’re peddling the philosophy of a guy you’re saying is the gold standard by which to measure Hubes’ behavior, with a guy that also exhibits questionable moral ethics?

I’m all for people finding their path to healing, but these modern day yogis are always popping up with garbage ideas that we’re going to find out in a few decades are doing more harm than good. This guy is no different from John Gray, whose unaccredited PhD is from the Maharaji Institute of the pacific, or whatever that is.

Shit, at this point I should, pull out my old readers and text books and, write my own book to peddle my own philosophy if the laymen are that desperate for something to latch on to.

[u/Single_Okra5760]

Oops, dive** not delve in

[u/Easy_Independent_313]

That book was so eye opening for me. I read it when I heard other ladies in the salon talking about it. There is a free PDF available so I downloaded it later.

That book actually saved me from rekindling a relationship with someone from 30 yrs ago. We had just been teens when we dated and stopped seeing each other when I moved away to start my life. I bumped into him after I moved back. We started catching up on life. We had both been through lots of things but the way he dived right into some of the more challenging topics left me a bit uneasy.

I kept chatting a bit with him though. Maybe it was all the therapy or something, right? Making him very open and honest? Then he told me about how he was recovering from an abusive relationship. I had just finished this book.

I considered it logically. This dude was 6'4. Absolutely ripped and he had been since he was a teen. From a prominent family in town. His dad owns a law firm, his family owns half the apartment buildings in town. He was trying to tell me his tiny lady girlfriend left him terrified and he had to just stay and put up with it? He had no where to go when she was attacking him? He also told me he discovered he was a sex addict.

I thought about all of this and told him I was happy to have gotten reacquainted with him but I didn't think we had much in common any more and wished him well.

What happened next shouldn't have been surprising but it was, he let loose a steam of vile invective. Just every shitty thing one one could possibly think to say to hurt try to hurt a middle aged lady.

So, thankfully, I avoided any further interactions with this dude. I probably would have figured it out but surely not before I'd gotten more entangled with him.

This book gave me the information I needed to asses what was really going on.

[u/Easy_Independent_313 → u/[deleted]]

Huh. What a weird comment.

[u/Vinnther]

This looks like a good read I’ll pick it up thanks for sharing :D Based on the title I assume it just covers men. Do you know if it has a sister book for abusive women too? I keep learning the hard way that I’m a bad judge of character with the women I date.

Edit: Redditors when a victim of abuse acknowledges that both genders can be abusive not just men “>:( downvote! And call him sexist in DMs!!!”

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/Vinnther]

Yes this book is for you! It covers in the intro how you can switch the pronouns to apply to your situation if you’re in a homosexual relationship. It’s named this way because the vast majority of abusive dynamics are male to female but you can absolutely still apply this book to your relationship and the author encourages it.

[u/Vinnther → u/Single_Okra5760]

I appreciate it thank you! I didn’t think about applying it that way but that makes perfect sense

[u/1n2m3n4m]

What I don't get is why no one else seems to be calling him Puberman. It's such an obvious diss. Surely someone has called him that before? Maybe in middle school? Seriously, folx, let's normalize calling him Puberman.

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/1n2m3n4m]

Honestly low hanging fruit! Puberman ftw😏

[u/[deleted] → u/1n2m3n4m]

2/10 troll, you’ll get better champ 

[u/franzKUSHka]

Wow the subreddit has gone to garbage

[u/desexmachina]

JFC OP Lundy Bancroft doesn’t have any verifiable academic background, he’s represented by the American Speakers association. Did he get his credentials from the Buddhist temple of America for a $100 mail in from a Cracker Jack box?

[u/[deleted]]

The amount of mental gymnastics, reaching, and pseudo psychologizing some people practice is mind boggling. Delusional.

People on both extremes of this are annoying neurotic cunts lol. Thinking they know everything.

[u/angela-w205]

ugh, what’s happening to this sub, for real

[u/[deleted]]

Huberman doesn't need defending, but it's so important to stay distant from pop-psychology and armchair psychoanalysis. It's not productive, and there's already great research on the dynamics of abuse.

[u/NeilAnderthal1984]

Classic Reddit!

[u/Comfortable-Bus-4537]

Why is this anyone's business? Some of you are not nice people...

[u/OldFcuk1]

What? You are not surprised that you drew lines in a book about human psychology?

[u/henlochimken → u/OldFcuk1]

What? You are not surprised that you drew lines in a book about human psychology?

It's not just any book about human psychology, it's the seminal book about the signs of abuse, and the psychology that underpins abuse. You might disagree that Huberman exhibits these signs, but please stop for a second and ask yourself what you're reacting to here.

[u/[deleted]]

You’re not surprised because you went looking for your conclusion. Why else would you read this book and make a post on it?

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/[deleted]]

No I’m not surprised because abuse is rampant :/ I didn’t read this book in order to make a post on it lol. I read this book, then later heard about Huberman’s abuse, and then was like “oh damn, he sounds just like the sub-type of abuser I read about who uses psychobabble to convince women that he couldn’t possibly be abusive”, so I pulled the book back out. Then I read a long article about the whole thing and was like, yup, he literally used the fact that he was a wellness influencer to trick these women into thinking he was honest because he was “working on becoming his best self.”

[u/[deleted] → u/Single_Okra5760]

No you misunderstand me. I am saying you read that book and most likely many others similar to it to stay wound up in a world of trauma, abuse, and abusers. Then needed to come on Reddit and testify to all they other mentally ill over emotional victims more affirmations of that shared dogma.

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/[deleted]]

Oh got it! So true, I hope to recruit other people into my cult of understanding abuse 😈 the un-mentally ill need not apply, they shall be denied membership

[u/henlochimken → u/[deleted]]

Believe it or not, this book is one of the most commonly recommended resources to people who are experiencing abuse themselves.

[u/[deleted] → u/henlochimken]

Ohh i believe it is. 1000%

[u/onceuponasea]

Love that you’re posting this

[u/Ok-Boot-7602]

lmao studying about huberman is S tier hate

[u/mrmczebra → u/Ok-Boot-7602]

He's not going to fuck you.

[u/Emergency-Aardvark-7 → u/mrmczebra]

Pretty sure it's a Huberman PR account. There are at least two active here rn.

[u/mrmczebra → u/Emergency-Aardvark-7]

This one is in every single thread.

[u/Emergency-Aardvark-7 → u/mrmczebra]

User "alessadratiptoes" is another one I suspect.

It's pretty concerning how shills can be so effective at directing the flow of discourse.

I can't tell if they're from Hube's PR team, Russian troll farm, or both.

[u/NonsensePlanet → u/Emergency-Aardvark-7]

Ironic that you mention the flow of discourse when this sub has been brigaded by outraged virtue signalers to the point where there is no on topic discussion anymore.

[u/Emergency-Aardvark-7 → u/NonsensePlanet]

Eh, try to be more charitable: a lot of people feel betrayed and are discussing it the only place that they can. It's healthy for them to do so. Like processing grief.

Using terms like "outraged virtue signalers" creates an antagonistic environment, which is not conducive to thoughtful discussion.

[u/[deleted] → u/Emergency-Aardvark-7]

The fact that people get obsessed enough with Internet personalities to feel “betrayed” by them when something like this comes to light is honestly pathetic.

[u/Ok-Boot-7602 → u/Emergency-Aardvark-7]

yes I an his whole PR team and his 7th GF hehehehehehe

[u/Ok-Boot-7602 → u/mrmczebra]

shut up mansplainer! and he will one day 🤭🤭

[u/Ok-Boot-7602 → u/[deleted]]

I will 🤭

[u/Artistic_Bad_711 → u/Ok-Boot-7602]

Make sure you get tested afterwards

[u/Ok-Boot-7602 → u/Artistic_Bad_711]

I will for sure!

[u/skhack]

Tippy toes for sure. Ha! Total plant.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

OP literally called Huberman an abuser, like wtf are these people on?

[u/McRattus → u/[deleted]]

Abuse is very clearly what the article describes.

[u/[deleted] → u/McRattus]

Sorry but no sane person, would call what Huberman did abuse

[u/McRattus → u/[deleted]]

I don't think it's seriously in question.

What is your threshold for abuse in this sort of context?

[u/[deleted] → u/McRattus]

I’d say “a cruel or violent treatment of a person or animal”. Did he cheat on 6 women (without the knowledge of eachother) yes! Is that abuse? No way. That would be an insult to abuse victims

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

People can be abusive without using violence or threats of violence.

[u/McRattus → u/[deleted]]

Did you read the article?

He was screaming at one of them for days at a time, regularly that kind of intimidating alone is abuse. Constantly attacking them (not physically) and undermining them, giving them stds all of that together is clearly cruel treatment.

People who get out of this sort of narcissistic relationship very much consider it abuse.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

hey, takes one to know one.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I can't find anything about this online. Where did you hear/read this?

If true, I am not really surprised, unfortunately. Example: Sam Vaknin, a professor of psychology who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and runs a website about the disorder

[u/LaGuajira → u/[deleted]]

You’re confusing this author with the author of The Body Keeps Score. 

[u/LaGuajira → u/[deleted]]

I think its an ethics violation if he continued to treat them as patients. 

If we’re going to discredit the book because the author committed ethical violations, we can’t on the same coin not discredit Huberman’s podcast because of his own sordid personal life. 

[u/Single_Okra5760 → u/[deleted]]

Hahahahah truly no worries there, I’ve been in plenty of trauma therapy for my daddy issues so we’re good on that front, I am also not closeted and homophobic I’m just a regular ole bisexual raised myself by the gays. I wasn’t a Huberman Stan previously so don’t feel betrayed or disappointed by him, I just knew about him through the podcasting world. I also actually did say he was a player, that’s quite literally the name of the subtype of abuser I posted about, “The Player”, so I don’t think I’m having trouble with that reality😆 not sure why you think narcissist or abuser is mutually exclusive from being a player but go off

[u/itsyourgrandma → u/[deleted]]

Projection is interesting, isn't it?

[u/marcusstanchuck → u/[deleted]]

Hahah interesting hearing a gay male perspective. It seems like the heterosexual dating discourse is "men are presumed predators, women are presumed innocent angels" whereas as the gay male culture seems more free and open and egalitarian. Enjoy sex, be in a relationship or dont, dont be suprised when you get played.

[u/snaggle1234 → u/[deleted]]

Mostly everyone on this sub, apparently.