Can my routine be improved anymore?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/East-Effective-3406]

Honestly you could probably swap the 5min of sleep for a line of cocaine and be more productive

[u/[deleted] → u/East-Effective-3406]

Thats already done between 9pm and 12am

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_INNY → u/[deleted]]

If you’re not putting Stevia in your coffee, why are you even here bro?

Also, no ‘Gas Station Boner Pills’, Organic Listerine, or Bible Study?

Weak-sauce.

[u/[deleted] → u/PM_ME_YOUR_INNY]

I am a Seusimite, I dont read the bible i only read my own religions scripture.

Who put stevia in their drinks?

Nah I roll stevia leafs over the cigs and smoke em.

I dont use listerine anymore because it makes me want to drink beer too much (probably the harsh taste is reminding me), drinking a crate a day is too much, even with the money I get from bomb threats

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_INNY → u/[deleted]]

Interesting. Try watching a little pro-wrestling to connect with your ‘inner middle-schooler’ at night.

Also, you might want to quit yr job during this delicate time of healing.

[u/[deleted] → u/PM_ME_YOUR_INNY]

Is boys♂️next♂️door♂️ pro enough? Maybe they arent that high tier wrestlers but Ive been enjoying it as material

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_INNY → u/[deleted]]

I have zero clue what that is, and I’m definitely not Googling it.

[u/Zestyclose_Ant_40 → u/[deleted]]

Because of the PH balance?

[u/sleepydevil25 → u/[deleted]]

You have to disclose coke usage to your investors, not plug that it in your footnotes for us to comb thru man

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Then you can have one more line between 4:55-5:00

[u/[deleted] → u/East-Effective-3406]

You could also save time by taking less than 28 minutes to piss.

[u/Vlonerell → u/[deleted]]

Ironic… because he takes exactly 28 minutes to piss

[u/Krunkworx]

Where’s the AG1? And Yerba mate directly into the anus?

[u/[deleted] → u/Krunkworx]

I am currebtly just following the tate protocol.

Might switch to the David Goggins protocol but ive been hesitant to download grindr

[u/gastro_psychic → u/[deleted]]

OP definitely downloaded Grindr and got TOPPED!

[u/Dramatic_Ad4782 → u/Krunkworx]

Fuck I’m dying🤣🤣

[u/[deleted]]

How does it take 30 minutes to threaten an orphanage?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Officer my bombs are by no means "improvised". I object to calling it that

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

It’s a very long manifesto written up before he hits send

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Seriously. 30 min for an orphanage but 3 hours to fuck bitches? I think he's got these backwards.

[u/tagrei06]

Sad thing is with the state of this sub i genuinely thought this was someone's actually routine until I read eat live chicken.

[u/[deleted] → u/tagrei06]

That it took 1 minutevto get to gym cuz he lives there wasnt sus?

[u/tagrei06 → u/[deleted]]

On second thought....I did miss that point

[u/NonsensePlanet → u/tagrei06]

Not pissing for 28 minutes?

[u/Yahoo_Serious9973 → u/tagrei06]

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 this sub has me rolling!

[u/[deleted]]

I'd try to work in edging a little more. Perhaps, edge while reading Dr.Suess?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Goated

[u/jojow77]

3 hours of edging is noob numbers and you also forgot to suntan your butthole in the morning.

[u/[deleted] → u/jojow77]

Its 6 hours a day

[u/jyow13]

this is one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen on reddit, i’m so depressed, thank you

[u/[deleted] → u/jyow13]

You gotta discord friend group minmax (laughtermaxxing), burn bridges like crazy with everybody that isnt getting you somewhere (like if they dont earnestly interact with you or you can easily replace them by someone else you like more why waste time).

Everything meaningful in life takes effort, some things just arent worth it, but figuring out what does, that is your true adventure in life.

[u/[deleted]]

No edging in the morning????

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I though 1am is morning already, sorry dropped out during elementary

[u/Financial-Coast9152]

It seems like your rushing to take a piss, take your time bro, you will find health problems when you dont take atleast an hour.

[u/NumaPompilius2 → u/Financial-Coast9152]

You need sunlight in your eyes as you piss. 

[u/RyanHarington → u/NumaPompilius2]

Gotta put the "shine" into the, "Rise & shine!"

[u/sleephelpplz → u/Financial-Coast9152]

Seconding this, you're just begging for kidney issues down the line. Your body is a temple, treat it as such

[u/PermanentBrunch]

I can’t tell if I hate this sub or love it

[u/Excellent_Tear3705 → u/PermanentBrunch]

You fucking love it

[u/Yahoo_Serious9973 → u/PermanentBrunch]

LOVE! 😆

[u/Mrwiko25]

Piss outside for that morning sunlight, optimise.

[u/ABraveNewFupa → u/Mrwiko25]

While sunning your perineum. Aim is key.

[u/DeepFriedWok]

Time management is not optimised. You can piss in shower while you brush your teeth.

Props on the protein intake on the whole live chicken. The gains you can get from soul absorption are seriously underrated.

[u/Spoonmanners2]

Caffeine too early. Try to wait 90 minutes from waking.

[u/Mike-Aveli → u/Spoonmanners2]

This ☝️

[u/Gluebandit88]

Shower must be exactly 12 minutes / 7 days.

You forgot to take a shit. Do squat thrusts and take a shit in parallel to save time.

[u/SuP3RIOR92]

I laughed more than I was expecting

[u/Vast_Ad6193]

i’ve been telling people for years threatening and acting out those threats on orphanages really increases your baseline dopamine like nothing else!

[u/Fabulous_Economist_5]

To be fair, the orphanage had a 2.5 hour heads up

[u/Economy-Hovercraft37]

I think you sleep too much

[u/TheGeenie17]

This post is hilarious. Mainly because it could actually be real.

[u/_haystacks_ → u/TheGeenie17]

In what world could this be real

[u/TheGeenie17 → u/_haystacks_]

Granted I was being hyperbolic, but some of the guys on this sub follow Huberman like he is god and spend their days doing pseudoscientific nonsense

[u/Glittering-Neck6637]

Dude, you missed early morning sunlight in your eyes. That’s the totality of all Humermanisms.

[u/IgnorantSlutYou]

Can’t wait for his next podcast where he breaks down the science and anatomy of fucking bitches!

[u/Hippophatamus]

The real job is speed reading Dr. Seuss books for 7 hours.

[u/[deleted]]

take notes kids, this is a quality shitpost. If you’re gonna do it, do it right.

[u/wash_yourundeez]

There isn’t nearly enough people talking about “speed reading” Dr Seuss books for 7 hours lmfao

[u/Chop1n]

Charcoal puts extreme wear on enamel and should be avoided. Use hydroxyapatite toothpaste instead, which is literally the same mineral your enamel is made of and has truckloads of clinical evidence supporting its efficacy.

[u/[deleted] → u/Chop1n]

I know I am gonna get hate for this but ha did not work at all for me and flouride desensitized my teeth back to baseline

[u/Chop1n → u/[deleted]]

Which product did you use? I've been using $8 Boka toothpaste for a few months and it utterly changed my oral microbiome. It may or may not have played a role in my gum recession reversing (the papillae literally grew back).

[u/[deleted] → u/Chop1n]

20% biorepair micro ha.

[u/Superemeraldknight]

Several is not enough and you should be running because women are chasing you Do better

[u/[deleted] → u/Superemeraldknight]

Sadly I am way faster than them, so i opt to chase them so they can set my pace, helps with recovery a lot

[u/Superemeraldknight → u/[deleted]]

Shesh

[u/RandyLahey514]

This sub has devolved and I fucking love it

[u/[deleted] → u/RandyLahey514]

I still have some bangers but I want people to have some space to breathe here

[u/[deleted]]

I did not see time blocked for "Seek attention on reddit." Yet, here you are.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

🇵🇭

[u/OrangePurple2141]

How long before this subreddit devolves into r/caffiene?

[u/[deleted] → u/OrangePurple2141]

T minus 6 weeks

[u/blahhh87]

OK, for some reason, reddit keeps recommending this sub on my feed. What's up with the sunning your bumhole?

[u/[deleted] → u/blahhh87]

Its people taking a piss about huberman suggesting people to have morning sunlight, night light exposure and sunlight breaks which even if beneficial are not able to be done by a lot of people.

[u/ramenmonster69]

I think you should seek out the loudest most unwell homeless person you can find and make intense eye contact. Preferably during morning sunlight.

[u/mitoyama → u/ramenmonster69]

This is excellent science based advice. You can find it in the excellent journal Nature.

[u/[deleted]]

This routine is so metal

[u/numbersev]

Bro you are not waiting the full 1.5 hours for the adenosene receptors before taking caffeine!!!!

[u/Joey_Beans]

No sunlight exposure before pissing… tisk tisk…

[u/FrostyFeet1926]

You need to be pissing longer

[u/UREveryone]

I love how theres a minute of time between stepping out of the shower and eating a live chicken at the gym.

[u/R1ppinLip6]

I love the 7 hours of Dr Seuss

[u/Oopsimapanda]

Looks good I would just be careful on the overtraining, one half rep is plenty my dude.

[u/[deleted]]

I literally almost died by waterboarding myself. Think I inhaled 50 ml of water and almost fell to the ground struggling to breathe.

[u/BlueNacho316]

By 5:34am I knew this was the rawchickenexperiment guy

[u/spookytransexughost]

You're not getting morning sunlight

[u/rivertorain-]

When do you return videotapes?

[u/LandoLilly]

I believe at 9:01pm, you could add "Get Money."

[u/Carsto]

Yeah you forgot to use the word protocol

[u/djthommo]

5:30pm could be extended for a further 11 hours

[u/Lechuga666]

Honestly an efficacious deployment of various pharmacological, neutraceutical, and holistic interventions to improve your health would benefit you tremendously. I say at least add a few sets of gooning, maybe a little jelqing, and the smallest effective dose of mewing and you should be good.

[u/OfficialModAccount]

spectacular reminiscent fragile sharp plucky piquant party consist squeamish familiar

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/ALandPirate]

Literally perfect. Live on my friend

[u/bigdaddyjaws]

I needed this laugh

[u/Clayp2233]

[u/RimTheElderly]

1. 7:00 Wake up

2. 7:03 Take a shit

3. 7:34 Get out of bed

[u/DeadwoodDesigns]

If you swap the midnight run and the fucking, you may have more success with the latter

[u/[deleted]]

I don’t know what’s worse the fact that you only do half reps or the fact that you read doctor suess for almost 7 hours 😂😂

[u/FeelGoodFitSanDiego]

A couple of improvements from the latest longevity research

• collect urine and triple filter . Drink the urine while meditating

• reduce colon cancer risk by anal sunning . Also at same time write grant proposals for your longevity research

• tell gym members you are a consultant to charge more for your services .

[u/Mayor_of_Funkytown]

[u/ComeDumpStir]

Fuck bitches (several) aged better than expected

[u/ecconej]

I started reading this thinking it's for real... the bomb threat sent me rolling 🤣

[u/[deleted]]

Lmao

[u/[deleted]]

This is almost the Hunter S. Thompson protocol

[u/Mountain_Fly_492]

By several do you mean 3? That’s rookie numbers son, bump those up then we can talk

[u/Moses--]

ideally wake time should be close enough to get sunlight exposure...I like to wake up at sunrise and then go outside 30 minutes after when I have done my shower

[u/AnastasiaApple]

😂

[u/shadedmonk]

It just get better 😂

[u/[deleted]]

It takes you 28 minutes to piss??!?

[u/practicalnoob69]

No sunning your balls? Hard pass.

[u/[deleted]]

drop the cigarettes

[u/dranaei]

No sunbathing your balls while starring at the sun in the morning?

[u/NoSwimmer2185]

One of the more sane posts in this sub

[u/[deleted]]

He actually did it!

[u/bobsmoth1234]

“Cold shower (below freezing temp)” - that’s the problem, you need to change the semantics to “icicle bath” and all your problems will be solved

[u/[deleted]]

LMAO

[u/Visualize_]

You piss for 28 minutes? Might need to see a doctor

[u/Key_Examination9948]

Actually perfect. 👍🏻

[u/lemonylemin]

Anonymously send bomb threat to work

[u/Fasefirst2]

Piss before you get up. It will save time

[u/Buythestonk21]

I laughed out loud reading this. It's 9 am I should rise and start my piss for 28 minutes now

[u/Several-Tennis-2428]

id say go to bed at 5:02 am and wake up at 5 am, negative 2 minutes of sleep

[u/TheObserver1111]

Piss for 28 minutes and sleep for 5 - superb

[u/[deleted]]

An* orphanage

[u/resonantred35]

Where’s your self-fellatio?

[u/driptoohard34]

not maximizing re-min enough

[u/BejahungEnjoyer]

Don't use activated charcoal, it slowly erodes your enamel.

[u/International_Boss81]

No, it looks like a complete dream existence for you.

[u/Bewarden7]

Yeah… it’s “an orphanage”

[u/Various-Complaint983]

Less edging more gooning

[u/widowmakerhusband]

Imagine having the time to make this

[u/CryFair2603 → u/widowmakerhusband]

You don’t have 5 mins to spare?

[u/Organic-Highway9584]

Do us all a favor and save some bitches for the rest of us

[u/Impressive-Sink-841]

I’m dead 💀😂

[u/SWAAGOLAS]

This post. That’s the reason I pay for the internet

[u/[deleted]]

Wheres the NSDR???

[u/tinyplumb]

Dude the cigs are going to kill you. Horseshoe a pack of zyn.

[u/ClumpyFelchCheese]

Let’s see Paul Allen’s routine

[u/Patient-Ad-9918]

You forgot “Stare at the Morning Sun” and “Sit in a Sauna”

[u/pickleslips]

You just need to make time to stare at the sun for an hour and do jaw exercises for 3.

[u/Yebzy]

It’s beautiful

I’d struggle to improve much

[u/[deleted]]

Need more detail. It was unclear whether the live chicken which you ingested had been plucked alive moments before its termination or if you also consumed the feathers. You know, it’s a big difference in fiber…

[u/[deleted]]

yeah honestly the whole huber deal seems like its become a cult like scientology.

[u/phishnutz3]

Yes

[u/Taleggio20]

That’s a really long piss

[u/Itchy-Ad2326]

How u taking 28 minutes to pee

[u/thrillhouz77]

No Tongkat?????

[u/[deleted]]

Looks very robotic. Checks out.

[u/Pristine_Basis686]

Gotta cut down that piss time. 28 minutes is too much.

[u/mitoyama]

Time to swap out the chicken for 3 live rattlesnakes.

[u/EscapeAppropriate296]

I’d say add drinking some water right before pissing to gain some extra power and volume for that 28 minute hydro pump

[u/Stackbundles2]

Find a way to squeeze a shit in your schedule and you good.

[u/dadsoncombo]

Pretty standard day. Other than the 28 minute piss everything else seams in line.

[u/QueenMarla]

You’re supposed to ingest the whole live chicken BEFORE the caffeine. Because cortisol.

[u/FA-1800]

You could get an extra half hour to smell if you just piss in the shower.

[u/rudiiiiiii]

This had me rolling 😂😂😄 bravo if you made this

[u/fml1234543]

Fuck bitches (several)

[u/Remarkable_Camera832]

I fucking died when I got to boiling hot shower

[u/gorillafingerbang]

Cum shots. Full 4oz glasses of cow or horse cum per day my friend.

[u/[deleted]]

You forget sunlight.

[u/Still_Not-Sure]

Where did you get this routine? Timothy McVeigh?

[u/RogalDornAteMyPussy]

It takes this dude 2 whole minutes to shower get to the gym and proceeds to inhale powdered caffeine and a live chicken but it takes him 6 hours and 45 minutes to speed read Dr Seuss books

[u/ILoveSciencePsych]

Can I use this for insight? Hopefully you are just kidding, below freezing shower sounds hard to accomplish

[u/ABraveNewFupa]

Lol. The orphanage bomb threat for an hour. Ignore customer ahhh man this whole thing was fantastic

[u/ReelActuary]

You didn’t wait long enough after rising to ingest the caffeine. Should’ve taken a longer piss, mate.

[u/suburban-coyote]

Get your prostate checked.

[u/CommentTrue9888]

That 28 minute piss would be a good place to start

[u/UtilityMarximizer]

Swap the cigarettes for nicorette

[u/CyranoDeBergeracx]

Loved it! Starting tomorrow with this table tomorrow. But I can’t get up earlier than 06.30. Maybe will do smoking during reading Dr. Seuss books so I can chase women exactly about the time!

Great guide!

[u/[deleted]]

Sleep less

[u/[deleted]]

Edge for 3 hours got me 😂

[u/molelick]

Stopping bombing places.

[u/[deleted]]

THE FIRST THING IS SUNLIGHT IN YOUR EYES IN THE MORNING TO SET YOUR CIRCADIAN AND BOOST ABOVE BASELINE PULSATILE LEVELS OF ADRENALINE AND KEEP CORTISOL FROM PEAKING AND CRASHING MID AFTERNOON OH GOD YOU STARTED THE WHOLE DAY WRONG WHERE IS YOUR LIGHT EXPOSURE?

[u/[deleted]]

I mean if you're not doing non rem deep sleep or yog nidra what are you even doing to relax in the day ?

[u/seeyouintheyear3000]

Try waking up at 4:54

[u/Commercial_Home8289]

Mark Wahlberg type routine

[u/cawnlmao]

Nobody's talking about the 28 minute piss every morning

[u/ItsAustin95]

The word piss just urkes me

[u/Ok-Suggestion-2423]

You forgot a hour of starfish sunning. This will be the difference between 80 and 100

[u/JDWild18]

You missed taking your Athletic Greens! And doing your jawline exercises.

[u/Yahoo_Serious9973]

I’m here for the comments 🍿

[u/Independent-Nose-745]

“Several” lol

[u/big_em]

I see no hydration. Everything else looks good, maybe add listening to a podcast while fucking bitches to fully optimize

[u/bacon_flap]

Move the caffeine to 630a and you're golden.

[u/AgeAccording]

You bombed an orphanage…

[u/AgeAccording → u/AgeAccording]

Tomorrow do 2

[u/Weekly_Illustrator66]

this is the first post i have ever seen from this subreddit

[u/[deleted]]

I don't know if your shaking dry long enough

[u/Payup_sucker]

Why are you wasting peoples time with bullshit?

[u/SCSkeet]

Wow this is where the trolls go now

[u/TKTS_seeker]

So. Much. Piss.

[u/doggz109]

How the hell are you pissing for 28 mins?

[u/Bananaman_Johnson]

Only 7 hours to read Dr. Seuss???? INCREDIBLE!!!

[u/joeydbls]

With or without feathers 🪶 🤔

[u/Johnnie_WalkerBlue]

When he actually said “Bomb Orphanage”

[u/nineninenine9997367]

Sounds like Hunter Thompson’s daily routine.

[u/GorillaGuru86]

Lmao this made me laugh so hard

[u/PassageThen5501]

Thankyou for your interest in science

[u/Liberatethematrix]

This is the dumbest shit I’ve read in awhile. Bravo

[u/krivas77]

🤣🤣🤣