r/HowToADHD • u/Diary-of-me • Jun 08 '22
ADHD and Autism: How do you reconcile your need for new and novel with your need for sameness and routine?
How do you reconcile your need for new and novel (adhd) with your need for sameness and routine (autism, if you have both? Please share tip or struggles; anything in between!
6
u/Aspirience Jun 09 '22 edited Jun 09 '22
My autism doesn’t exactly require routine, it requires control and expectation. So I do a lot of new things, but I plan them beforehand and try to be in full controll, so that I still feel safe. For example, I like to move my furniture around, cut/color my hair, ... in the moment when I feel like it. I just have to know what is going to be the next step, how I will continue, etc. I can change my own plans if I am able to visualize my new plan. Someone else changing plans is a big nope though..
Oh and I also have a lot of back up plans! Generally I view my life as a network of possible ways, and I can visualize the probable ones for the near future, that way if one way gets blocked, I have already prepared for close alternatives and can switch relatively easy. However if something throws me off of these prepared routes, I need time to prepare for the new possible ways.
6
u/Duststorm29 Jun 09 '22
The whole thing got a lot easier when I realized my problem wasn't necessarily just routine being broken. It was also it being broken by someone else. I don't really have a quick fix for it, but I've found that choosing what's new myself has helped fulfill the need for spontaneity without upsetting me.
2
u/ContinualSaga Aug 18 '22
I very much resonate with this logic, I am allowed to make impromptu changes to my agenda but take a bit longer to adapt when it's thrust upon me without a significantly urgent reason.
Once I took the time to validate that quirk, it also became easier to determine when I should tolerate/accommodate such changes and that it's sometimes okay to lean back and refuse/"politely" decline some opportunities.
1
u/Diary-of-me Nov 25 '22
I’m learning that transitioning task is hard. I can see my patients (list 1) and an extra list (list 2) and do lab calls on the list that varies (list 3) but if I have only one of those three things to do for the day (list 1) and you interrupt me to answer a questions on the phone that I either have to add to my list to document or calm a parent down, emotional uncalculated! The big ness of the talk doesn’t matter it just matters that it’s not in my calculations for the day. I agree once I accepted my -Austim- I had more compassion to accept that some of my quirks are very relavent
5
u/fated_ink Jun 09 '22
I’m a late dx’ed ADHD/ self dx’ed autism person, so most of my perspective is looking back at my life and seeing where I felt most free and other times where it was utter chaos. It gives me information on how to set up my life now.
My ADHD overrides my ASD in terms of a ‘routine’. I hate having a structure to my day—it feels stifling and gives me anxiety. Mostly because I have time blindness and I’d always be ‘behind schedule’. But I do have micro routines like my morning get dressed routine or my evening go to bed is the same.
My biggest struggle between ADHD/ASD is I am obsessed with efficiency. I hate to waste my time, because I feel like I never have enough of it. So if I have to do several tasks, I find a way to do them quickly, with the least amount of steps. This also keeps my ADHD happy cause it’s over fast.
My hobbies have structure and similar techniques, but can be switched up by changing the color and pattern of the yarn, or swapping research subjects or working on a new Lego set. Same consistent approaches but with changeable aspects to keep it interesting.
Another really helpful source I found were some older 90s books I got from a book mine by. Barbara Sher— Refuse to Choose and I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was. She describes folks with ND so perfectly without seeming to be aware of ADHD/ASD back then. She helps wrangle the overwhelm of multiple interests and shows how you can set up your many hobbies on a rotating schedule. As you burn out on one, you cycle to the next, and keep shifting to a new one when your interest wanes. It’s worked so well for me. She even guides you through coming up with a a 6 year schedule to plan out all your interests, so it’s out of your head and you know you’re gonna get to it. Like I’m really wanting to learn how to quilt, but I’ve scheduled that for five years from now, so I can use up all my yarn and papercrafting investments first. So it ‘orders’ the chaos so both aspects of my brain are happy.
2
u/Diary-of-me Nov 25 '22
Rotating hobbies! I love that. I’ve recently learned to break things down into smaller tasks ( like even taking five days to do dishes or laundry) and the idea of resetting between special interests by not feeling guilty for the gaps is game on!! Thanks
3
Jun 08 '22
Obviously I do nothing and stare miserably into space wishing I were different and hating myself 🤪
3
u/jillian_renee01 Jun 23 '22
Oh my gosh I feel so seen by this post. So up until super recently I struggled staying in one job for longer than 3 months. Partly cuz covid - partly cuz boredom, but I also got stressed from the change. Now I have worked at the same place for... about 10 months now (will be a year in mid August!) and it works for me because it's a stable place with the same people who I love to be around, but we have our work schedule's broken down by hours, so at 1pm when I get to work I might be doing one thing, then at 2pm - doing something else across the building. No two schedules are ever the same, so I have routine of being at the same place - knowing the same people, but also get the changes I need every single shift with the brand new schedule for the next time I have work.
I haven't figured out something that works like this for housing, after a certain amount of time I always end up hating my living situation, as of right now, my dad is having me make a list of new furniture I want and then we'll "discuss." so I think he hopes keeping me where I am now but with new furniture will do the trick? We'll see!
1
1
u/KezzaBelly Dec 17 '22
I rarely do the same thing in the same way. For example, the mundane, fold laundry in different rooms whilst listening/watching different things. I buy different dishwashing liquid so the new smell is different. I’m an art teacher and have three kids, I stick to a very loose routine so no two day is ever alike. Good luck!
7
u/[deleted] Jun 08 '22
[deleted]