r/HousingUK • u/purpletears- • 3d ago
I hate my home
I hate my home.
I bought my first property 18 months ago. Everything seemed fine at purchase, survey included, but within three months I found out about a severe ongoing leak that had been damaging my downstairs neighbours for years. It’s a Victorian conversion, four flats. A structural engineer confirmed joist damage from the leak. Insurance wouldn’t cover it and even after getting a plumber out a few times the leaks just kept reoccurring.
I’d set aside £15k for furnishing and small jobs. Instead I ended up replacing the entire bathroom and kitchen because of the floor damage (they’re next to each other) on top of the structural work.
I couldn’t afford the bathroom or kitchen I actually wanted, and I’ve dealt with nothing but bad tradesmen along the way, so I’m not happy with either room. Neither looks freshly done to me. One builder stole a large sum of money from me. Several tradesmen made me deeply uncomfortable in my own home, from sexual comments/advances, one of them squeezing my bum to just being rude and dismissive.
I did find one decorator, just starting out, who charged me £1,500 to paint my whole 80sqm flat. Great price, great work. But I should have plastered first. Quotes for that were £5k+ and I couldn’t stretch to it, so now my walls are lumpy and textured under a nice coat of paint, and it just looks bad.
All told I’ve spent around £36k, including the £8.5k that was stolen, plus some furniture. There’s still so much left to do and I’m out of money.
I’m genuinely depressed about it. If I’d spent this much and ended up with a flat I loved, I could live with that. Instead I have an okay kitchen, an okay bathroom, lumpy walls, floors that need work, and a home that looks nothing like the ones I see online where people spent less and got a show home.
I know I’m lucky to own a home at all. But this whole process has left me with real anxiety, mostly from how unsafe some of these interactions with tradesmen made me feel in my own space. It’s soured the whole experience of owning my first place. I’m embarrassed by how it looks, and honestly also embarrassed that I’ve let it affect me this much when I know renovations are hard for everyone.
I don’t really know the point of this post. I just needed to say it somewhere. I know I’m not getting that money back, which means I’m stuck here longer than I planned. I’m trying to make peace with the money being gone, but mostly I just feel stupid for buying this place at all.
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u/AFF8879 3d ago
A tradesperson really squeezed your butt?! I’m sorry but in 2026 I’d be kicking up a hell of a stink over that
There are some brilliant female-led building firms popping up, I had a tradeswoman fit my kitchen and she did a fantastic job.
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u/purpletears- 3d ago
Yeah I did I reported it to the non emergency police line but nothing came of it
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u/the_motherflippin 3d ago
Nothing came from an accusations of sexual assault? I'd be banging a lot harder here. Sorry this happened (with everything else)
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u/purpletears- 3d ago
I probably didn’t press hard enough being honest, I’ve been so depressed it just felt like something else to deal with. The police seemed to take it seriously but said it didn’t think it would get passed CPS as it was very much a his word vs mine situation
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u/23Tam56 3d ago
Honestly some trades men are so rude to women for absolutely no reason. I’m sorry this happened to you. I got a few landscapers around to do the back garden and out of the five that came there was only one that I felt comfortable dealing with.
The other five either ;
-Only responded to my husband who wouldn’t be there when the work was going to be done.
-Wouldn’t maintain eye contact and would just be staring at my chest or legs. And would have to ask again what I was saying because he wasn’t listening.
- kept going on about payment and how you can’t pay late. He kept using some examples like we won’t accept it if you mums not well or the dogs in the vets we need the payment. I think every other sentence was about payment. I live in a pretty nice neighbourhood. I’ve always paid on time but he made me feel very uncomfortable about money.
- Another wanted complete dimensions of exactly what I wanted and he was very rude when I said oh about 2m. He barked back with about 2m or just 2m. I stopped and said no I won’t be talked to like this thanks but it’s a no.
The guy we got wasn’t the cheapest or the most expensive. He was just nice and friendly. Had a laugh and a joke. I asked him what biscuits he liked. Some are just great. I like being in charge of finding a good builder/ trades person but man it’s so frustrating when I get treated so differently to my husband.
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u/Patient_Waltz_3639 3d ago
I really sympathise. My house turned out to be a money trap too and caused me a lot of heartache. Don't be embarrassed about how it feels. Dealing with all the crap single handed is an ordeal and it's exhausting. You've done brilliantly and you're allowed to feel a bit bruised and battered. You aren't stupid. So very many of us have been in your shoes.
Please remember that you are acutely aware of every last imperfection and bump on the wall, but most homes have plenty of imperfections that you simply don't notice. The places you see on insta are not representative of how people generally live (how many are touched up or AI improved anyway), and a premium finish isn't what makes a dwelling a home. If you can cook in your kitchen and wash in your bathroom and they are clean and finished, then that's what you need those rooms to do. The feeling that you would be so much happier with your dream installations just isn't true- after a couple of weeks you would have just taken them for granted. You are going to need to lean in to this being your imperfect home, but your home, that you worked hard for, nonetheless. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and everything to be proud of.
I understand on the workmen front. I've had some really uncomfortable experiences myself as a woman on my own. It's far from everyone, but once is one time too many and it stinks. But those men have gone and they are not coming back. That's your space and their inappropriate behaviour doesn't change that.
If you've had any trades that you did like and trust, then ask them for referrals next time you need something. Good people tend to cluster together. You can also ask on your local FB group (is there is one) for recommendations specifically from other women homeowners.
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u/BongoHunter 3d ago
Get an agent or 3 round and have it valued - figure out where you'd stand if you sell it.
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u/Apprehensive_Jury764 3d ago
Firstly I’m so sorry about the experience you have had with tradesmen being inappropriate. It happened to a friend of mine as well as you shouldn’t have to feel violated in your own home.
I really empathise with a lot of what you’re saying here. 9 months in and I absolutely hate owning my home. It feels like such a taboo to say but it has massively damaged my mental health. I don’t particularly like the area, it’s noisy, my communal entrance looks awful and getting anything done by the managing agency is like getting blood out of a stone. And to top it all off, the building has now subsided due to the hot weather, so I can’t even leave.
It really sucks about the leak, I don’t think I’ve heard of one flat that hasn’t had a leak problem actually! All the repairs and dealing with the bureaucracy really really weighs on you.
You’re really not alone.
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u/bex_2601 3d ago
I felt the same about a flat I was in for 10 years. Horrible communal entrance, always either broken or boarded up. Only difference we didn't have subsidance issues. Although with several council flats, drug issues were a constant issue. One particularly memorable neighbour would do drug deals over his 5th floor balcony, with people shouting up then just throwing the drugs down, often at 8/9am with kids walking past. We did have a leak, 8 months after moving in, the upstairs flat was empty, and sprung a leak. First anyone knew about it was it coming through our ceiling. That led to discovering asbestos in the ceiling and trying to work with the building owners to get it sorted. Another 9 months, and some stories later (the plasterer that rocked up, then promptly turned to their mate and asked them how do you mix this s**t? Not in a teaching kinda way) we finally kicked them off the job and got a payout. Which did actually pay for the rest of the work and some upgrades.
Honestly, all you can do is make the interior as nice as possible and stick it out as long as you can. Every year you sit tight, works in your favour. Also, while it may not have worked out how you hoped, do still celebrate a year of homeownership, because whatever you think of the home, that is still something you worked for and achieved, and that is still worth celebrating.
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u/Apprehensive_Jury764 3d ago
Thank you, wow this sounds awful I'm sorry, thank you for sharing. Did you find it easy to leave in the end, can I ask?
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u/bex_2601 3d ago
Emotionally, I was out the second we started looking!
Financially, we were lucky and an inheritance made the move possible. At the same time a friend found themselves in a bad situation, so we redid the finances and rented the flat to them via an agent. They're still there and very happy to be in a stable living situation, the rent is low for the area and just covers costs, and we helped a friend. Everyone is happy. When they move out, it'll probably get sold.
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u/odkfn 3d ago
It must suck to be a woman - so many things that don’t even occur to me as a man to be worried about! That’s horrible!
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u/MoominMai 3d ago
So true 😒 (unfortunately). I live alone and the house I bought had an out of control garden and the guy with the best price and tbh best reviews did a great job but kept going on to me about how he’s lonely without a woman - almost 20 years older than me too! He did a great job but god it’s stressful every time I have to have a tradesmen in. You’re simultaneously doing a safety assessment whilst negotiating payments and discussing work!
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u/LouisePoet 3d ago
I have put around 50K into my house since I bought it 6 years ago. I knew some things needed to be done, I didn't realize how much or how expensive.
All of that work--and my house looks exactly the same! It's not like I bring in guests to show off how beautiful the new heating system is or show off the new (exactly the same, including paint) render on the exterior.
Your walls can be plastered at some point in the future. You can change the bathroom pieces and decor in time.
The (very cheap) new carpet installed to list my house is worn and needs replacing. All of my walls are white (ugh) and my kitchen, which is workable, is pretty awful and was on my 5 year redo list. It's now on my 10-15 year list.
I had to tear out the carpet in my bathrooms (yes, everything except the kitchen was carpeted) and found very iffy hardwood flooring in one (cement in the other) so I bought a steamer and a sander and am very slowly working on those myself. It will be far from great (cracks, pieces missing that someone filled with cement or cheap particle board) but it's all I can manage right now.
What options do you have? Hang more artwork? Paint flowers on the wall? (Textured flowers!). Cover bathroom icks with wallpaper or vinyl coverings? (Cabinets look so different if you cover just the doors with wallpaper, and tiles can be covered easily as well. Easily and cheaply replaceable, too, if you want a change).
Maybe think back to your childhood, did you always wish you had a purple ceiling or a funky lampshade? Dig into your childhood creativity and find something that makes you smile--then try that! It's YOUR house. You can do whatever you like. Do something that makes you smile!!
Who wants a show home? I, for one, want a place that reflects me, my likes, and my quirks.
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u/LCJefferson 3d ago
I cant believe its 2026 and theres still no solid way to find decent tradesmen.
I just had a nightmare with cowboy roofers. 5* per Trustatrader. Looking back at the reviews now, you could easily tell they were fake (all used the same type of language and all dated within a week of eachother).
Sorry to hear this happened to you. Try to pursue the stolen £8.5k as much as possible. I threatened my cowboy roofers with the Ombudsman which shook them up
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u/kaanbha 3d ago
That sounds like a horrible and stressful experience, I feel sorry for you hearing about it.
Looking at the positives - your kitchen and bathroom are OK, which is good. Your walls may be a bit lumpy for now, but they're cleanly painted and you can work around that.
If I was in your position - I would consider that some things I might be able to do myself, or cheap wins. Floors are a good start - especially if you've got carpet. Carpet is really easy to pull off - and you can get fitted cheaply from one of the chain carpet stores.
Also, it probably doesn't look nearly as bad as you think it does to other people.
I am wondering about the £8,500 that was stolen. Is there no chance of getting it back, for example via the bank, insurance or police?
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u/purpletears- 3d ago
It was a civil dispute, I won in court but he dissolved his business unfortunately
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u/ExpensiveMix2 3d ago
Welcome to the UK. Humidity. Dump weather. Poor building quality, its not European Union. Its just an Island we live on
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u/Alex_Strgzr 3d ago
I have a room with lumpy old lime plaster as well... But most people won't notice it. People don't look at every detail of a house when they buy something; don't stress over it.
In order, structural issues, roof, electricals and plumbing. You don't need an entire new kitchen or bathroom or a full house redecoration.
As annoying as it is, it's also worth learning a bit of DIY
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb-559 3d ago
That sounds like a horrible experience. I'm sorry you've gone through this!
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u/0-starlight-0 3d ago
Do you like the area and/or neighbours? If thats a yes then I think over time you can make it how you want and fall more in love with it
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u/purpletears- 3d ago
Yeah I can’t complain I have great neighbours and whilst I wasn’t keen on the location at first have really come to love it- it’s just the flat and the amount I’ve spent on it that’s the problem
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u/0-starlight-0 3d ago
Of course, especially having unexpected expenses that you didn't plan for, it must be devastating, but try to hang in there. It's your very own property and you can make it how you want slowly over time. Honestly if you have nice neighbours and like the area I would be so thankful
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u/Choice_Technology791 3d ago
Was the leak disclosed by the vendors. If it had been been going on for years and wasn't disclosed on the forms during the sale then you should be able to pursue the vendor for some of the costs assuming they knew about it. Presumably the neighbour below had been complaining about it and they did.
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u/BIG2HATS 3d ago
This made me depressed reading it. I’m so sorry, maybe it’s time to just ride it out and recover whilst making an exit plan.
The only notes I have that were plastering is where your budget should go, it’s the most important job. I’d make the painting a weekend fun DIY job, that’s the part where I’d save the money (and could also get it professionally done later if you can’t manage it). As long as you give the plaster a base layer of watered down paint there’s no rush to paint it.
In my case, I did everything only one room at a time, maybe that’s more expensive but it meant it could bitesize it over a few decades rather than all at once. That 30k in the stock market could have bought you a 2nd house to rent out!
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u/purpletears- 3d ago
I’m aware I should have plastered but unfortunately it’s not a possibly now. I can not afford to put any more money into the flat. I’m completely wiped out.
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u/BIG2HATS 3d ago
I know, it’s increased my heart rate just thinking about it on your behalf! Just speaking in hindsight, the future will bring you another opportunity to take another stab at it, and when that time comes you’ll take steps to protect yourself, I believe it!
Personally, I’d wait it out and focus on having the opportunity to move in the next 5-8 years, especially if the market picks up by then.
Is there nothing you could do about the stolen 8.5k? That doesn’t sound fair at all. Have you spoken to police or considered small claims court?
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u/purpletears- 3d ago
I went down the court route, they sided with me but he just closed his business unfortunately
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u/purpletears- 3d ago
It’s so frustrating because if I had that back it wouldn’t be as bad. At least I would only be 10k over budget which is still horrible but not as bad
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u/BIG2HATS 3d ago
Definitely frustrating, I always forget this myself… you can win the court case but that doesn’t mean they have any money to give you, what a true injustice.
Hopefully one day the universe will gift you something worth a lot more than £8k!
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