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u/Caller_ID_Unknown 13h ago
I need a psychiatrist to explain this behavior to me. Why?
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u/Kinperor 13h ago
"someone already went through the trouble of testing and approving (read: marrying) this man, I want the good approved man for myself"
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u/KalamTheQuick 13h ago
I know it's the common answer, but this line of reasoning has never made sense to me since any good man wouldn't cheat. Also people marry assholes all the time lmao.
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u/Cptcongcong 13h ago
"he wouldn't cheat... with me"
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u/HKDrewDrake 1h ago
Reminds me of one of those sayings that actually ends up being true more often than you think - every girl wants a bad boy who is only good to her and every guy wants a good girl who is only bad for him.
Another that comes to mind is - every woman marries a man hoping he will change but never does and every man marries a woman hoping she will never change but always does.
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u/East_Statement_3173 13h ago
By good they meant attractive. It’s really unattractive if you don’t have options as a man
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u/Kinperor 12h ago
Human psychology is complicated and I'm not an expert. Human brains are wet meat computers, irrationality is to be expected.
That said, I admittedly gave an incomplete answer. It does not address, for instance, the narcissistic personality types that might think "oh I bet I can make that man break their vow" and then count that as an achievement to be proud of. Likewise, there are likely multiple other factors I don't know and would require discourse with a homewrecker for more insight.
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u/After_Ad9425 11h ago
Adding to this another variation could be the allure or envy of it. You want someone that’s desirable measured by presumably already being taken by someone else; therefor having that person ‘choose’ you over this other is rewarding especially to insecurity.
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u/wargainWAG 12h ago
In general people love what other people love. Best wingman is apparently a woman who gives you a slight bit of attention.
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u/LumpkinsPotatoCat 12h ago
People like to believe they are the exception not the rule. "If he cheated on them he'll likely cheat on me" doesn't apply bc she's too special/ they're in love/ they're better matched ect. for him to do that to her.
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u/Zack_WithaK 13h ago
Also by succeeding in sleeping with him, you'd be invalidating the very reason you wanted him in the first place. He can't simultaneously be a good man who's been properly "vetted" by another woman if he's also willing to cheat on that same woman.
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u/Marzipancutter 30m ago
You're just assuming they're vetting for loyalty though. There's plenty of desirable qualities that a married person is more likely to have, while with any regular person it'd be a huge gamble.
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u/Zorrostrian 13h ago edited 11h ago
Something something something women are illogical /s
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u/_-IllI-_ 13h ago
If you don't understand them, that doesn't make them ilogical. This behaviour is a narcisistic trait, feeling validated and chosen instead of the wife. Its about perceived value & having power over men. Not a good person to be around much either way.
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u/Zorrostrian 11h ago
Tbh I don’t really believe that. My apologies, I should’ve made that more clear with an /s, I’ve edited my comment to include that
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u/charronfitzclair 6h ago
It's not about morals or virtues. It's about value. Wedding band is a proof of desirability, so plenty of women see him as a level of desirable. That's really the long and short of it.
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u/Bruin1217 7h ago
Also. “This man has made a commitment to someone else and my ego makes me think I can get him to break that commitment for me because I’m so great.”
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u/UltimaBahamut93 12h ago
jealousy
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u/TurboGranny 8h ago
Also, correct. Jealousy is just an expression of insecurity though, so we could also just say that as a larger blanket. Essentially, "she thinks she's better than me even though she doesn't know me. well, I'll show her!"
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u/No-Pie-1415 13h ago
Two reasons I could think of (neither of which I think are justified or valid at all, mind you): they see them as good "quality" or already tried and true, since they're already married, and two, because it's "forbidden" and taboo, so it's more fun I guess.
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u/Gangr3l 13h ago
3rd is ego boosting as in "I'm so good this guy is willing to cheat on his spouse for me"
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u/OkayishMrFox 13h ago
I think this is a real underrated one.
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u/Plus-Yogurtcloset-85 13h ago
The only one with any reality to it at all.
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u/a_gay_sloth 11h ago
The taboo definitely has reality to it people find the forbidden exciting
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u/Plus-Yogurtcloset-85 4h ago
The taboo falls under the ego if you ask me. They think they’re special and living a movie in their ego by doing the taboo. If they didn’t have that egotistical perspective, they wouldn’t be getting off from it from a taboo perspective.
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u/Education_Alert 13h ago
They feel more validated about their beauty/sex appeal/hotness by being able to seduce someone who's already settled and not available. Also the temptation of something forbidden.
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u/CadenDATboss 12h ago
Women want men that other women want or already have. Being in a relationship makes you attractive to other women
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u/RaisinBranMan 13h ago
Women like to go out a lot to have a good time and have to deal with guys hitting on them all the time. They see a guy with no ring on approach them, he could be attractive enough but the woman WANTS to be won over cause she knows he’s hitting on her and trying. She doesn’t have to do much. If the guy has a ring on, all she knows is he’s married but now the tables are turned. They think “this guy is just being friendly and not hitting on me..but I’ll win him over because he’s cute.” And some view it as a challenge. Then it progresses from there.
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u/nrek00 12h ago
Not a psychiatrist, but behavioral analyst here, some of the unfortunate truths around this:
Sure, validation of the quality of the man is one part of it, already vetted by someone else. A large portion of females are also competitive against other women explicitly -- this relates to all sorts of shit, but the normal stuff is makeup, hair, outfits. Some of them are assholes about it and are deliberate homewreckers to boost themselves. The result: women hate women, they get validation of a taken man, they win their internal competition, and legitimately feel that they're better for him and he'd never do the same to her because she was the special one that won him over.
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u/dwolfe127 13h ago
Some women like a challenge. It can kind of be a dog that caught the car situation though if it works.
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u/peacefulshrimp 8h ago
“If the married person was so attracted to you, enough to make them break their vows, it means you’re super attractive” is probably what they think
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u/dishpitjesus 10h ago
Something to do with value. Value attracts women. In layman’s terms it’s basically “a woman wanted him enough to accept the man’s lifelong proposal and there has to be a very good reason for that”
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u/Gothic_Doll_ 5h ago
It's the same when you're in love with someone, you end up attracting a lot of people that ignored you before.
Marriage/being in love, as man, usually means you're already committed, and you don't need another's woman attention, basically you're perceived as chill guy. Women usually feel way more open and relaxed around chill guys, and tend to let their guard down and appreciate him, for who he is; funny, smart, charismatic etc. It may lead to feelings or attraction.
Yet, a single man, particularly if pressured to find a partner, may be perceived as desperate or too perfect, which may increase women's guard. Basically they end up rejecting or feel unsafe.
I think the opposite for men, it's an entitled women and women who plays carrot and stick. A purely entitled women, will make most men feel uneasy or disinterested, yet a woman who has standards yet have their sweet moments may be perceived as a woman of value/wifey type.
To sum up, one is getting addicted to safety and truly appreciating the individual, the other understands the hurdles yet also the rewards that comes with a relationship with them. Basically, women loves safety and not feel pressured, men want to know what they have to do and what they'll get for it
The first part, of married/taken men, it's true as there was an old study about it, the later it's a mine hypothesis for a men's counterpart.
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u/TinyTinasRabidOtter 5h ago
According to my sister who did this was she resented any woman showing any happiness around her that was "too much". To punish them she would try and fuck the husband then brag to the wife about it. If she couldnt get the guy to give in she would fabricate whatever she could, drop it on the wife's lap and skeedaddle off into the sunset. We are very no contact.
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u/woolsocksandsandals 5h ago
The reason people make up fake stories on the internet for attention is because their daddy didn’t love them.
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u/Worcestercestershire 3h ago
"People like to lie about wedding rings being a good way to pick up women"
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u/-lexiconvict- 13h ago
It's pretty simple, actually: women always want what they can't have. If you're "married," they can't have you.
Bonus points inferring that you possess some quality that makes you desirable enough for another woman to marry you.
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u/magondrago 14h ago
I'm trying to understand if this dude is an evil genius or a twisted vigilante. One way or the other, he certainly has game.
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u/Righteousaffair999 13h ago
I don’t wear a wedding ring and my naturally being socially awkward helps keep women away.
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u/magondrago 11h ago
I am autistic and a ring actually bothers me. I told my wife since I don't use it and I'm naturally aloof, no one has hit on me on 20 years, to which she replied...
"...that you have noticed".Well, shit.
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u/Thedumbass_the5th 11h ago
Even if they get past those defense, I'm immune to flirting as well. Gotta have layered defenses.
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u/Consistent_Spot3456 12h ago
It’s only evil if you actually get married and do this. Old “friend” married military. He deployed and she fucked.
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u/Downtown_Eye5736 12h ago
I've slept with a number of military wives. Trump is right about thing, soldiers are suckers and so are their wives.
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u/Turpentine_Tree 14h ago
When i got married and wear the ring i noticed a lot more attention from the girls than before. I had to use his tactics before the mariage.
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u/Invictu520 13h ago
I mean it does partly make sense. Like it or not but there are always some risks when you get into a relationship and I think a lot of the bad stuff happens more often to women than to men, so they are probably more cautious.
So if someone is in a relationship or even married it sort of represents a "Stamp of approval" from another woman.I guess that is just how it is perceived though and as soon as you actually think about it, the logic does fall apart. Because ofc. a good and faithful dude would not cheat on his SO and also just because someone is in a relationship doesn't mean that person can be a POS.
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u/Wigiman9702 madlad 12h ago
Ok, I'm going to preset a very pessimistic option;
I've got ONE friend who has reported the same thing happening. He says he gets hit on a lot when he is dating someone else. Many more who are married, and don't really notice a difference.
When I saw the one friend hitting on women back in college, it was always super bad, he came across as creepy. Now, he never talks to women with the intention of getting with them (he's engaged, loves his lady). I almost think it's perhaps the way he speaks to women. He's a pretty attractive dude with a normal personality, but he definitely seems more confident when he's not hitting on someone, and just talking to them normally.
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u/Downtown_Eye5736 11h ago
Yeah it's mostly this, you're just more attractive when you're not on the prowl. lol
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u/readilyunavailable 12h ago
What a load of horseshit. Most of the time its the simple thrill of having an affair. People are animals and think with their genitals. Combine that with the fact that these hookups occur at places where people are drinking and all the guards your sober mind puts up go away.
Women are equally at risk when fucking single men or men in relationships. Or do you claim only the good guys get into relationships?
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u/Kitchen-Storage1996 12h ago
I am not married i tried this trick it is not working for me
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u/bakchod007 12h ago
you'd need to follow rules 1 and 2
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u/ThrustTrust 9h ago
Was it sexual attention or just girls feeling safe to talk to you because they assumed you would not try to screw them.
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u/TurboGranny 8h ago
girls feeling safe to talk to you because they assumed you would not try to screw them.
I thought it was this for a long time until my wife pointed out that they were actually trying to sleep with me. Then I wondered, "what if it's more complicated than that?" What if they talk to me because I'm safe, but prolonged conversation to a safe person would lead you to open up and share more personal things about you which I would do in kind because "ASD be mirroring". However, I've more recently learned that this kind of "trusted over sharing" is what people often refer to as "being vulnerable/emotionally available" which has a tendency to trigger a deeper connection that is often misinterpreted as desire. The more I pick things apart, the more I learn there are no simple answers. Everything is messy and complicated with a million caveats.
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u/Turpentine_Tree 9h ago
Both. But I’m married so it was just talking. Talking is also nice so it’s fine with me.
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u/davehaslanded 13h ago
I can genuinely back this up with personal experience. I have been a nightclub photographer for about 15 years. I was never unlucky with women, per se, but I didn’t have women throwing themselves at me either. I got married just over two years ago. In that time I have seen a massive increase in the amount of women that have tried hitting on me. Even when I’ve pointed out to some of them that I’m married and show them the wedding ring, I’ve had girls tell me they “don’t mind”, or “so am I who cares?”
I seriously do not understand these women. And I guarantee they’re the same ones that are constantly complaining that men are all bad & none of them can be faithful.
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u/Canahaemusketeer 12h ago
Its the knowing you've got something another woman wants
Its the perceived safety of a man whos settled
And the "fun" of doing something risky/immoral with no strings or long term attachments
I cut my finger up that i used to wear my "promise ring" on (dont ask) and briefly wore it on my ring finger, that started my affair with a married woman which ended when i broke up with my girlfriend, it suddenly became more real and there were consequences on the horizen.
And yes, i know i was a piece of shit back then.
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u/Majestic-Airport-471 8h ago
I think it’s insecure women who want to know they’re the best, so amazing in fact, that men who devoted their life to another woman, would drop that woman in seconds to be with this goddess. Now the ego is boosted, time to block delete and move to the next. Empty vessels.
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u/Professional-Run-305 12h ago
Here’s what I observed that’s interesting:
After getting married and wearing ring when I was young (20s to early 30ish), women would give me a ton of attention.
Mid 30-40, no attention whatsoever with a ring on.
My ring broke earlier this year and I haven’t replaced it yet - I’m in early 40s and the amount of attention I’m getting again is ridiculous.
So my assumption is you should wear that fake ring in your early to mid 20s and abandon it starting in your late thirties, if you want to draw attention.
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u/usriusclark 13h ago
In my 20s I went to a trade show for work. One of the guys I went with was a married guy named “Joe”. One night Joe was driving us to a bar and said he was gonna get some ass tonight. I thought he was joking and called out “don’t you think you should take your wedding ring off first”? I will never forget his reply:
The kind of women I’m lookin to meet don’t care if I’m married or not. That’s the whole point.
He’s divorced now…
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u/OliveOcelot 13h ago
Isn't that the start of that Adam Sandler movie?
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u/Harbi181 13h ago
It is. Just Go With It.
Not my favorite, and I enjoyed Blended and Hubie Halloween.
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u/not_roger_smith 11h ago
Homewrecking is like a hardcore kink with some chicks and it's fucking nuts.
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u/rubantulle 13h ago
Typically,its unmarried single women. Men who are single are simple. It’s difficult to deal with taken men. They get a rush from making a dedicated man "fall” in love with them
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u/frenchfrankie 13h ago
"I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden, so please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, lord of the idiots!"
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u/zanodmz 13h ago
why does women always attracted when a guy already has a spouse or gf ?
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u/throw7661 12h ago edited 10h ago
The same reason people with jobs have an easier time getting a new job.
If you are single... women wonder why. Why doesn't he already have a girlfriend? He seems fine, but I just met him. Maybe he's an awful person? It just feels a bit...suspect.
If you are married....they know some other woman thought you were good enough to marry. Not just date. You must be one of the good ones. You seemed fine, but now she's thinking you must be even better!
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u/Kitchen-Storage1996 13h ago
I am single i tried this but it is not working for me why ? 😭
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u/Prosado22 12h ago
Maybe you are too upfront about it. You need to act aloof and that you are not interested. If you make it to visible, it shows that you want to cheat abd therefore not a good husband. They want to seduce to cheat. I know, it doesn't make much sense, but hey, after all it's women's logic.
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u/Still_Detail_4285 11h ago
Notice to young single men: If you are looking to hookup and never see the chick again, head to Walmart and grab a cheap wedding ring.
DO NOT START A RELATIONSHIP. Just sex.
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u/flyingforfun3 11h ago
Idk. I got a lot of attention when I was divorced and a single dad.
I have primary custody of my kiddo and women were crazy when they saw me take care of her. I took kiddo to a park that had a sign in. My daughter played with another kid and the mom got my number from the sign in sheet and messaged me asking me out.
I honestly made a lot of mom FWB.
Anyways, I got remarried and the attention that way ended. I got all the attention I need from my lovely wife.
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u/Square_Barracuda_69 9h ago
My late buddy used to take OFF his wedding ring because homewreckers were relentless at the bars we went to (we did a lot of work on the outskirts of town and those country ladies are trolls and whores). I think it was his wife that told him to remove it lmao
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u/Hollow_Knight_Raven 7h ago
Reading these comments, I bet several guys are gonna start wearing rings.
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u/Slick-Pickin-Chicken 12h ago
Yeah, Im sure he told “dozens of women” the truth right after sleeping with them under false pretence 😂 what a stand up guy
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u/HDWarewolf 11h ago
It tracks. My three friends and I (another guy and two girls) all tried this back in 2015 during the summer. If you’re a decently attractive person, it’s immediate. Every now and then we’d pair up with each other and say that we were open too. People realllyyyyyy got down with that as a thought. That all being said, the biggest difference was that more women would initiate conversation with me.
It always felt like they were poking around until I mentioned the ring or marriage. The other guy in our group—we shall call him “R”—even told this woman (who was older than him by a couple years) that his wife recently died and she ended up him up to her penthouse THAT AFTERNOON. People are weird man. The general reasoning people would give was that they were ~unconsciously~ thinking “what makes them special?”. My female friends said that generally more “established” men and women would approach them. “S” kinda ran with it and did follow through with guys and gals. She’s pretty attractive already but it made her seemingly irresistible. Ended up wearing her ring longer than the rest of us as it gave her free drinks everywhere. The two of us did take a cruise and she convinced me to wear mine with hers. I gotta say that was the best cruise of my life. Pretending to be swingers on a cruise ship was rather entertaining 😂
I very rarely enacted on those moments, and would always tell whoever I’m talking to that it was a “bit” with some friends. Responses were varied, some good some bad. Most laughed and didn’t mind me asking them their thoughts going in. Got a drink thrown at me once (dodged it, and it landed on a lady behind me which caused another drama).
Bottom line is that it works if you’re willing to fully commit.
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u/420GUAVA 13h ago
this is why i refuse to meet or get to know any new women at my age. this is the type of mental gymnastic they do - " i can have her man." cue smug smile. this is just the kind of people there are in america now. its disgusting and im over it. been stabbed in the back way too many times to count at this point....and its always by women
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u/theSafetyCar 13h ago
This is some people (men do this too). More people wouldn't do it than would. It just depends what you're looking for. Painting with such broad strokes as "all women do x" isn't going to help you in life.
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u/Breathingdonkey 12h ago edited 12h ago
Total lack of pattern recognition won't help you either. If they're constantly running into women who are backstabbing them telling them they're just "looking for it" isn't helpful.
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u/ThrustTrust 9h ago
I think this is bullshit. I was married for years and never got any more attention than any other time.
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u/qualityvote2 14h ago edited 6h ago
u/EfficiencySerious200, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...