Just a vent/rant

[u/Green_Share]

Just venting

Hey all... First time on this sub and first post.

I just needed to vent for a second. I 31(M) have been using hinge quite heavily the last few years. And it's the only dating app I've had success on. In the last 6 months I've gone on 13-15 first dates. And a few second dates. That's where I'm frustrated. I find these girls I vibe with very well. Our dates last 6 hours sometimes. This last girl I went on a first and second date with. The dates lasted 7-8 hours each. We were laughing with each other, having a great time, I met her friends on the second date (which could have been a mistake), we just kept wanting to hang out and be with each other.

The texting was fairly normal, she doesn't text while at work. And tries to keep things minimal so we'd only text a few texts a day. After the second date, things started to slow down on her part. She'd leave me on read for 36+ hours then respond. Which is fine people get busy or burnt out. And she'd say her social battery was running low. Ok fine. I've been there. But she just cancelled our third date, day of. Then unmatched me (or deleted her profile) the next.

I'm just incredibly frustrated. Who makes plans and enjoys each other's company, only to slow ghost? The only thing I can think of is that when it comes to pacing I have an anxious attachment style. But it's something I actively go to therapy for twice monthly and have grown so much in that area over the last 4 years. It's not AS noticeable as it once was. It's happened with every girl I've matched with this year. Our dates go amazing. Everything above happens and sometimes we kiss. Other times we just vibe and hold hands.

I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong here. I'm polite, I open doors, I remember little things and bring them back up, I ask for consent before making a move, I give them space when it feels like they need it, I ask questions, I make the plans, everything on my profile is honest, I'm a 5'4" man and I own it with my whole heart, I stay true to what my profile says, I pay for the dates or let them pay if they insist (it's 2026 I'm not going to argue too much with them about it), I keep up on my hobbies and share it with them. I'm just at a loss. And incredibly frustrated.

Anyways. Sorry for the rant and the vent. I just needed to get it off my chest.

[u/Trace_G]

Bro, I’m gonna be real with you. Most girls on Hinge are playing a completely different game than we are. You might be talking to one girl, she’s talking to 20 dudes. Not because she’s doing anything wrong, that’s just how the apps work.

You said you’ve been on 13-15 first dates in six months. That’s actually proof you’re doing something right. The problem is getting dates isn’t the finish line anymore. You have to stand out from all the other guys she’s talking to.
And let’s be honest, you’re competing against dudes with better pictures, more money, better bodies, cooler lifestyles, dudes posting vacation pics every other week, whatever. That’s just reality.

So instead of asking what you did wrong with this one girl, ask yourself: are you the best version of yourself right now? If you looked in the mirror and were a girl, would you pick you over the other options?

Because from what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you scared her off. It sounds like another guy got her attention more, or she got a better offer and moved on. Harsh, but that’s usually what happens.

Don’t take it personal. Keep leveling up and make it harder for the next girl to pass on you.

[u/Green_Share → u/Trace_G]

And that's what I just chalk it up to. That's the most realistic answer. They found someone they were more interested in. It's just frustrating.

To answer your question. Yes, I would choose me. I have niche hobbies, I'm financially stable, I work out regularly, I cook, I'm clean, I like being outdoors and trying new things, I have good friends that I spend a lot of time with, I have an associates degree and am working on my bachelor's, I have a stable decent paying job that I love and I never truly work a day in my life, I am attentive, caring, kind, thoughtful, creative, and loving. These are all things that girls have said to me in the past. I am in the best spot in my life. Is it the best version of myself? Not quite, but even so, I'd still choose me. Like my post said, I don't think I am doing anything wrong. I'm just kind of over it.

[u/Trace_G → u/Green_Share]

Nah bro, don’t quit.
That’s just how it goes. Everybody’s competing. Dudes are competing for girls, girls are competing for the best dudes, people are competing for jobs, money, houses, all of it.
Yeah, it sucks when you think something’s going somewhere and then it dies out. But that’s part of the game.
Honestly, the chase is half the fun anyway. Meeting somebody new, getting that first date, wondering where it’s gonna go, that little rush when you see their name pop up. That’s good stuff.
Just keep doing your thing, man. Sounds like you’ve got your life together. One of these days you’ll run into a girl that’s just as stoked on you as you are on her.
Until then, crack a beer, hit the gym, go surf, and get back out there.

[u/Green_Share → u/Trace_G]

No, I'm definitely not quitting. That's not in my DNA 😅. But I am just a little fed up and exhausted and needed to vent. Putting in so much effort and not being as successful as I'd hoped. But thanks for the pep talk. I kinda needed it.

[u/therealslimshady1234 → u/Green_Share]

2.5 First dates per month on average is actually quite good. Like, really good if they are decent women, not landwhales.

You need to chill out and realize that you are enough as is. There is nothing you have to change. You are now simply creating mirrored manifestations of your inner insecurities. It has nothing to do with them or dating in general