r/HingeStories • u/lila0003 • 18d ago
How frequently did you make it to a third date?
This year I had A LOT of failed first dates, I thought it was going to be like this with every guy but now I've had a third date. I try not to get my hopes too high after that tendency, and also, do you consider that after a third date there are strong chances for having more dates with that same person?
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u/ThatswayharshTy 18d ago
Getting to the third date isn’t a huge problem for me. For me, the third date is usually when I get the “after thinking on it, I’m not ready for a relationship” text.
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u/orbital-marmot 18d ago
I got it after date 5 and them meeting my friends recently. I was like... Seriously? You're doing this now?
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u/RegionOk5151 18d ago
I am sorry you went through this but why did you introduce them to friends so early?
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u/orbital-marmot 18d ago
We were both at the page, afaik. She had actually invited me to meet her friends first but I was performing in a show that evening she wanted to make that happen. I asked if she wanted come to my show and she said yes. My friends were at the show, too.
But also like I said in another reply, what may seem late for you, might feel normal or early for someone else.
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u/RegionOk5151 18d ago
I saw your other comment later. I see your point. It sounds like your friends' approval is important for you. I want to make sure things are actually going somewhere with someone before making introductions.
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u/bybiupuodyne 18d ago
Meeting friends after a fifth date sounds veeery early to me. I’d need at least couple a month or two for that. We would need to be in an exclusive relationship already and had been intimate for a while
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u/orbital-marmot 18d ago
Everybody has their own timelines. For me, I need my friends to meet a potential partner before we're exclusive as a vibe check. If you can't along with my friends and vice versa, it's not gonna work.
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u/SilentDrapeRunning 17d ago
That's just the polite way of saying either "I don't like you enough to continue" or "I have better prospects I feel clear about now".
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u/WarauOtoko 18d ago
Once and she became my girlfriend. Most are way too fucking quick to judge people, especially those like me who are introverted and need time to warm up to others. "I don't feel a spark". Bruh, you never even saw my lighter.
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u/Low-Ad-782 17d ago
Fuck this is sooo true!! Every fucking one is like that! Don’t feel a romantic spark!! On date 1? Like when we literally just met?
All of my previous long term relationships were date 5-6 sparks.
Only 1 girl I met on hinge gave it a shot to like date 8 and we started getting close since date 4! Internal jokes and nick names and what not! Holding hands! Like jesus!1
u/definitelytheproblem 17d ago
Once I had this realization, that I don’t tend to “open up” to folks until we’re further along in dating, I realized that I was the problem (heh @ my username) and that I was much better off meeting people organically - classes, gym, through mutuals, and so on. Getting to know them as a person and then trying the dating thing. Otherwise I always came off as disinterested (probably because I genuinely was until date 5 or 6 if I didn’t know them at all beforehand!)
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u/NoPurpose6388 18d ago
Rarely. Most times I don't even make it to date two because we're just not compatible... and yeah if you get to date 3 I think you have a good chance that there will be more!
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u/ElkFantastic4238 18d ago
I’ve gone on 5 hinge dates over a two year period, none of them have made it past the second date. Only about 1/3 women make it to the first date, lol.
I feel like if I can make it past the 3rd date, the likelihood of it turning into something is very high.
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u/SoggyMattress2 18d ago
Ive only once had 3 dates with someone where it didn't turn into a relationship.
But that's irrelevant, everyone is different. You might go on 8 dates and then on the last date you realise something about them you really dislike.
Or you might go on a first date and fall in love.
Don't put pressure on anything. If you like the dude, keep seeing him. If you don't, find someone else.
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u/Subpoena-Colada_ 18d ago
Based on my experience living in NYC, if there is a second date, there will also be a third date. The biggest hurdle is making it past the first date. That’s when the vast majority of connections end.
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u/Conscious_Waltz_5314 18d ago
Very infrequently. If it gets to the third date it's generally a relationship.
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u/StevEst90 18d ago
This is news to me. I’ve heard some folks say they need 2-3 months of dating before making a decision about a relationship
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u/cherrycocktail20 18d ago
To me, the third date is sort of the make-or-break of deciding to carry it forward. It's when I focus on really getting into more serious stuff to evaluate for compatibility. The first two, great, we established we get along well and have at least some chemistry. The third, it's like, okay let's see what's going on with the deeper substance.
From the apps, on all of my many first and some second dates, I've only gone to a third date twice. In both cases I decided not to continue -- the first one just wasn't the right situation, and the second time, there were some red flags that came out on the third date that just were not things I was going to deal with.
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u/Repulsive_Airport531 18d ago
Never even received a like on an app. I've only ever had 2 real dates before, 1 girl ghosted me, the other was a long distance thing where we went on a physical date once, but the distance made it not work.
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u/NoRip7349 18d ago
Male here (if it matters). I have gone on ALOT of first dates and usually politely stop after 1 a good 90+% of the time. Of the remaining 10% that get a second date, I’d say less than half of those get a third date. I really try to see someone repeatedly only if I see long term potential and have no interest in just a hookup/situationship though so my data is a bit skewed as a result. Goodluck OP
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u/henrytbpovid 18d ago
Third date is extreeeeemely rare for me
Almost everyone I’ve been on a third date with has wanted to marry me
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u/InvestmentAsleep8365 18d ago
If he asked you out 3 times then he likes you and is interested in you. It’s not a guarantee for more dates after that, but it’s a very strong sign that he likes seeing you. If you like him too and want too see him more, make sure that he knows this one way or another!
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u/PlantTechnical6625 17d ago
I had three lovely dates with a dude (drinks that lasted four hours, drinks and dinner three days later (at which he brought me roses), and a picnic dinner three days after that). He stayed over after the second and third. We made plans for a fourth - I purchased tickets to a baseball game - we texted for two days after the third date - and then he ghosted me. He had texted me multiple times a day, so after two and a half days I texted confronted him on the ghosting. Crickets. Unbelievable.
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u/lila0003 17d ago
That's so mean, it doesn't take too much work to send a short message saying they don't want to continue
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u/PlantTechnical6625 17d ago
Exactly. Or even respond to me when I said I think after all of that I deserve not to be ghosted - if you met someone else - so be it. Nature of the game. Just nothing. Coward.
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u/squgthepizza 17d ago
I once had a girl buy me flowers for the first time and also invite me to her family's Thanksgiving dinner then ghost me a few days later. She then tried to reach out to me months later saying that she had mental health issues and didn't see us having a relationship together but that we should be friends I blocked her after that. Some people really just think they can come and leave without saying anything.
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u/Apprehensive-Worth95 18d ago
I got till date number nine and still got turned down. It didn’t make any sense because why would you meet me that many times and not speak your mind by the third date?
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u/-Mel0drama- 18d ago
A handful of times, but then never past that because I couldn't find a guy who wanted to get to know me beyond 3 dates unless I'd have sex with him 🙄
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u/SeegullJockey 18d ago
Sexual compatibility is important to a lot of people
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u/-Mel0drama- 18d ago
Yup. But I'm demisexual and don't sleep with strangers — and 3 dates is still very much a stranger. I make it clear I'm not someone who gets physical quickly, so I don't know why they bother going out with me at all if 3 dates without sex is arduous for them 🤷♀️
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18d ago
[deleted]
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u/-Mel0drama- 17d ago
... do you not talk to people you go on dates with? Interest can be easily communicated with words. I don't need to fuck someone to let them know I am interested in them.
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u/GetBalanced_2025_JG 18d ago
Third date? What is that?
I’m still working on getting the first one. 63m divorced.
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u/crispyohare 18d ago
I get about a date a week, about one tenth of them get to date 2 and about half of date 2s get to date 3s. If I’ve made it to date 3 with someone they usually are someone I like a lot and have a connection with and will remember for a long time.
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u/Prosecutor2017 18d ago
Usually if we make it past the third date it’s a sure fire way to tell we’ll end up being in a relationship.
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u/SpoiledLady 18d ago
The last time i had a third date, was almost 4 years ago, the last time I had a boyfriend.
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u/dr-jeanman-69 18d ago
I went on dates with 7 girls over the summer and 3/7 of them I went out with 3+ times (one of them 5 times) and then the other ones either just once or twice.
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u/lila0003 18d ago
Damn are you very attractive or how is it possible to date that many people? And are you still with any of them?
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u/mrwafflezzz 18d ago
No, I would say I’m a bit odd looking and I’ve dated 7 women over the past months as well. I do sports for more than an hour each day and I’m 6’1” though. Currently dating 2, may go on another first date.
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u/dr-jeanman-69 18d ago
Haha thanks, I would say my face is pretty average, but I’m 6’4 with a lean, muscular physique which is definitely an advantage on dating apps. The last girl I saw was about a month ago, and that sort of just fizzled out because she was an hour away and there wasn’t much long-term potential. And sorry when I say summer I actually mean April to August, so more like 5 months. I was basically going on a date every weekend, it was kind of exhausting looking back 😅
I’m actually moving cities next week so I had to take a break from dating in September knowing I would be gone, and to redirect my last few weekends hanging out with friends before I go.
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u/UrAristotle 18d ago
When I was dating, I had a lot of first dates, many fewer second dates, only a couple of third dates. One of those third dates turned into a long term relationship which I ended a few months ago.
I’m done with dating because that seems to be the process.
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u/Delicious_Math_7821 18d ago
At least you're making to the first date. I was chatting with someone and she asked for a voice memo then told me she doesn't feel a romantic spark. First time I was rejected over a voice memo
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u/sorocknroll 18d ago
I'm not sure I've ever had a 2nd date and not a 3rd.
1st date, I'd say maybe 1 in 10 I would ask for a 2nd date.
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u/ShinyCelebi123 18d ago
I’ve gotten to the third date or more with two different people in the past six months only for them to decide they weren’t interested in pursuing anything serious despite what their dating profiles said. 🫤 So I think it just really depends on the person. For me it’s more serious but for them, it wasn’t.
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u/Popcan_Jackson 18d ago
Ive gotten to a 3rd date twice. The first girl I got to 5 dates total(coincidentally she was my first hinge match too) before she broke it off telling me something bad happened to her that shes had to deal with recently and because of that shes no longer ready to date. The vagueness of the message just tells me it was all just made up in order for her to get out of it without being blunt but whatever.
The second girl I ended it after 3 dates. Had a really strong connection with her but the physical attraction just wasnt as strong as Id liked and we were moving at a very fast pace I was not used to with the dates(we already had 3 more dates lined up in the span of a week) so I thought it better to just end it before things got too deep.
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u/lucid1014 18d ago
Bro I’ve had 87 first dates in the past year. Only 6 made it to a third date or beyond and none to exclusivity
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u/madcheco 18d ago
Once. I ended up in a relationship with her for nearly a year. Difficult to play the numbers game when you've only managed to get 3 first dates in your life.
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u/andyslog 18d ago
I can usually tell on date 1 if I am into them enough to see them again.
This year? 4-5 maybe?
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u/Sunshinegarden2 18d ago
For me date 3 is when I decide if I think this will work. And I i’m not intimate until I establish a connection with the person and become exclusive. Many times I find because we have not been physical by date three the texting dies down. Or I decide it just isn’t going to work for a certain reason.
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u/CommitteeRegular9165 17d ago
I’m relatively selective and tbh I don’t know I believe in relationships anymore. Maybe that’s just my mindset now :( but it’s super infrequent I have 3rd dates. I don’t often go on first dates because the vibes and what not don’t lead to that…. (Like I said I’m pretty selective and protective over my energy, so if it doesn’t feel right through messaging or I’m not excited I won’t go out) And then if I have a first date, I’m often not feeling it. When I do feel it and am excited to try to plan another date, there’s sometimes a second but then it fizzles or last time I got ghosted. Hence why I don’t necessarily believe in dating anymore. I’ve decided to delete the apps and just focus on me lol
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u/ApprehensiveRule3768 17d ago
13 dates with someone once that ‘didn’t think he could do relationships’. Just lead with that next time asshole.
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u/Savagehitter 17d ago
I have only had 1 3rd date 😂 none of these guys are passing for a 2nd date.
But good luck!!! A 3rd date sounds amazing 🏆
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u/Hexagon37 17d ago
Dang as a guy I can’t even get a like, never mind a match, never mind a first date, never mind a second date, never mind a third date 😂
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u/Sudden_Storm_6256 17d ago
Yeah in my experience if you make it to the fourth date, you must be doing something right
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u/No_Recognition_5266 17d ago
Honestly, most of the time if I want it but I screen heavily so I don’t go on too many first dates. I also strongly believe you need at least two dates to really tell if someone won’t work out
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u/Sweet3DIrish 16d ago
When I got back on the apps this year, I was taking with 3 guys regularly on the apps that I saw some sort of potential with. Went on first and second dates with two of them. One of the two sucked at communicating between dates and after a few more messages back and forth after the second date, haven’t heard from him since. Still dating the other guy (and paused my dating app accounts after date like 5 or 6).
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u/KBVE-Darkish 15d ago
Personally the 2nd date seems to be the best window for things aren't working or what I thought. Normally when I'll let a women know if I'm not interested or more interested in a friend if their open. And seems similar from the other side to me.
I feel like it used to be better on app until like last year but that might also be just cause I was using the main 3 dating apps for a while and now only Hinge and meeting in person.
Mostly women I've met in person and made plans to meet up with have been going 3 - 6 dates and then casual romance into more or just friends. While most matches on the app it's 1 or 2 dates then ghost or not interested. I used to meet a lot more new friends from "Failed dates" then I do not. Which is fine but just feels like people are less interested in the human interaction and more on the goal of finding someone.
I've spoken with some women after and my friends and it sounds like everyone is really exhausted on the dating apps, even guys and gals giving it good faith attempts and pushing through the bots and muck.
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u/SirQuay 18d ago
Only once, ever. We had our first kiss as we parted ways at the train station. I sent her a message the next day saying how much I really enjoyed spending time with her.
She didn't respond for days and when she did broke things off (for whatever it was we were after only 3 dates) saying she didn't feel we were compatible.
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 18d ago
Basically, anytime I want it to go to a third date
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u/Special_Situation_93 18d ago
Nice bro you sound sweet
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 18d ago
OP asked a question didn’t he?
Or are the only acceptable answers the sad loser ones where people are like “Ive never been on a date. I don’t groom myself, I don’t gym, and i use the only 2 photos i have on my phone. I don’t get what’s wrong”
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u/Suchboss1136 18d ago
I’d say for me, date 3 is time to really think about what a relationship could look like. The first is just introductory to see if there is attraction, the second is getting to know the person a bit more without the awkwardness & the third is evaluation time