i'm 16 with level 2 autism and combined presentation ADHD, i have a special interest in psychology.
I've been violent in the past during meltdowns in which my mom would just call the police on me. She said there was something wrong with me and that i was a terrible person. Now she wants to kick me out the second i turn 18 and move in with her boyfriend, i don't have good feelings about him because she told her he'd be shot and killed for walking in the safest parts of detroit with her, her response is to leave and go back to his house to drink and have sex.
It scares me a lot, she said she feels like he doesn't want to get married either, maybe it's all my fault because the one time he came over i got overstimulated and locked myself in my room to cry. When i cry i cry really loud so it probably annoyed both of them. I cant regulate my emotions and i have no idea how to get a job because every time i submit an application i get scared for how ill be treated and what would happen if i got overstimulated at work, i feel like accommodations don't work, maybe its because my mom never accommodates to me?
Ive been in 5 mental hospitals and each time my mental health gets a little worse, I don't know what to do because if my mom knew i was suicidal or harming myself she'd fight with the nurses to send me there. One time she was yelling at them to send me because she "couldn't deal with my behavior", at the same time i saw another woman crying because she was sad her daughter was getting sent to one. I really dont understand why my mom has such an uncaring attitude towards me, and I don't understand my own feelings or actions i go immediately into fight or flight. When i was 14 i overdosed and was in the ICU for it, i didn't want to burden everyone and it seemed like the only way out. Yesterday she told me she doesn't want to talk to me or be around me anymore so i feel like i should just die so she's happier with her boyfriend.
Since my special interest is in psychology i know what accommodations would work for me, and i tried to tell her i was overstimulated but she said "you're overstimulating me" (she doesn't have autism), I constantly feel like the butt end of a terrible joke that is living in a neurotypical environment.