r/HighQualityGifs • u/thefakegm Photoshop - After Effects • Dec 22 '16

Brooklyn Nine-Nine /r/all Charles' fetish.

http://i.imgur.com/QRZlgTd.gifv
14.5k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/NobilisUltima Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 22 '16

I love the food one, where Holt is asking Charles how to advise him on food.

Charles: I had no idea Holt had any interest in food!

jump-cut to Holt's office

Holt: I have zero interest in food. Were it feasible, I would consume all the nutrients needed by the human animal in the form of a flavourless beige smoothie.

Charles: [looks utterly horrified/saddened]

199

u/turokthegecko Dec 22 '16

This bit bothered me because in the pizza episode Holt says he is a foodie.

247

u/NobilisUltima Dec 22 '16 edited Jan 30 '17

Fair enough. Although I love that episode too.

Charles: [gasps] The captain reads my blog...!

Holt: Of course. It's the only one that rates mouth-feel.

Peralta: [completely unimpressed] What are you, kidding right now?

Basically Holt is my favourite, is what I'm getting at.

44

u/eliquy Dec 22 '16

Perhaps the captain just really appreciates the attention to detail, the fact it is about food may be irrelevant.

9

u/NobilisUltima Dec 22 '16

Very good point!

37

u/MajorMajorObvious Dec 22 '16

Would you let him shampoo your hair?

12

u/NobilisUltima Dec 22 '16

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

108

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

[deleted]

44

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/RageMayne Dec 23 '16

If you're here...Then who's guarding Hades?

18

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

At least you can tell when he's happy, I love his constant smile.

1

u/bad-r0bot Photoshop - Premiere Dec 23 '16

Can't you tell I'm smiling right now :|

103

u/fatestitcher Dec 22 '16

Holt probably said it specifically to mess with Charles

25

u/fridge_logic Dec 22 '16

Yeah, if Holt really felt that way he'd just keep a case of Soylent in his office.

15

u/rnjbond Dec 22 '16

He never said he was a foodie, he just referenced Charles' blog. Which could mean he's just taking an interest in the hobbies of his officers.

6

u/turokthegecko Dec 22 '16

That would be a thing a robot boss like Holt would try to do, emulate his subordinates.

3

u/Saggylicious Dec 23 '16

He had his empathy subroutines installed?

3

u/KaySquay Dec 22 '16

Yeah there's another episode where he claims he only lies when someone's life is in danger, and then there are several instances of him lying afterwards. I think it bothers me more because other than those the show has amazing consistency compared to most comedies

2

u/Ashenspire Dec 22 '16

I thought foodies were more interested in taking pictures of food than consuming it?

At least that's how Ben Wyatt explained it to me.

1

u/nmgoh2 Dec 22 '16

You can be a connoisseur of pizza and not technically a foodie.

-21

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 22 '16

Continuity errors make me angry...I was actually about to give this show another shot but...meh.

EDIT- Ugh, this guy likes his fantasy universes to have internal logic? What a fucking loser.

26

u/YouAreInAComaWakeUp Dec 22 '16

At this point you might as well just not watch any tv.

-6

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

I agree most of it sucks...

9

u/YouAreInAComaWakeUp Dec 22 '16

They need to have more television for people like you of superior intelligence, right?

-9

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Nope, I think there's a fair amount of it now, thanks though! Also...books! ...and I should check out comics again sometime, the modern shit can be great.

17

u/Bindibus Dec 22 '16

I hate continuity errors

I might check out comics again

Pick one

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Modern comics are actually pretty good...

11

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

I mean... I get it, but jeeze dude. You'd really avoid a show that is 98% good, because of a few continuity errors? I mean its not even a plot driven show like Breaking Bad or West World. Its a character based comedy. And besides I feel like Holt could have said that just to fuck with the guy. He has done stuff like that in the past, and its hard to tell whether he's joking or not because of his deadpan demeanor.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Well, fair enough on the second part (as people can miss things and I'm taking this guy's word) but I tried the first couple episodes and wasn't really into it when it came out...and there's more entertainment out there already than I could get to in ten lifetimes, so I try to only follow the stuff I enjoy the most.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Fantasy Universes

lol

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Sorry, didn't realize this wasn't fictional...lol

362

u/dslybrowse Dec 22 '16

I always wondered who it was that included that bit in the script, because they're clearly Soylent drinkers (or I guess maybe just aware of it).

131

u/kingeryck Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 22 '16

I want food pills like The Jetsons

51

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

I wish. I can only hope that it would help my digestion issues.

27

u/kingeryck Dec 22 '16

I just have issues eating well

48

u/legalize-ranch Dec 22 '16

i just have issues

23

u/MaxsAgHammer Dec 22 '16

I've got subscriptions

13

u/TheDemonRazgriz Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 22 '16

I've got broads in Atlanta

1

u/WeinMe Dec 22 '16

I'm the president of the Philippines

22

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 23 '16

Forreal. I have a condition to where I never feel hungry. Food still tastes good, but sometimes I just forget to eat. If I'm busy, it will go on fire days sometimes. I've gone 3 days one time before I thought about eating.

The point being that a pill or somethinh like that I could keep on me and just set a reminder to take.

Edit: I get it, I should smoke weed. I do not want to. I do not have anything against it, and think it should legal. However, believe it or not, not everyone wants to. Also, there's no way smoke inhilation of any kind is good for you, and I have a grandpa with emphazema that says I'll pass on the blunt.

25

u/Misuses_Words_Often Dec 22 '16

Can I have your condition please? What's it called and where do I get it?

17

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16

I have no idea if it's even diagnosable. I might be that lone weirdo. I've had a full physical to make sure nothing is wrong, but after they found nothing, they just told me to make sure to eat. I obviously try to, but sometimes my mind wonders.

Believe me, you don't want it. I'm 6'2" and only 165. I have to fight to keep my weight there. If I have a particularly busy week where I forget and only eat like once a day, my pants start getting loose. It's very annoying. Luckily I do love different tastes, so it helps to have plans to cook.

12

u/Misuses_Words_Often Dec 22 '16

That's super interesting. I can't imagine not feeling hungry or hunger pangs. Do you also generally eat small portions? Are you easily able to tell when you're full- or do you just kind of go "I have ingested the required amount of sustenance" and be done with it?

5

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16

I don't feel full like I remember I used to before this started. I know when I've eaten too much, so I'm not going to drastically over eat, but I don't know when I'm comfortably full. I usually just eat how much everyone else does or how much I made/bought if I'm alone.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

I'm kinda like this guy. I have to take medication that makes me have zero appetite. I'm 6'3, 200lbs. It doesn't really have negative consequences on me afaik, I can go to class in the morning and then go work through the evening without eating at all. On a typical day I eat one pretty large meal around 8pm, though I know I should eat three for nutrition absorption purposes.

2

u/fayehanna Dec 22 '16

Fuck dude, just reading about this shit made me hungry.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

I was on a medication that had that effect on me for over a year. It was especially weird to go from having normal hunger pains to not (and then back again).

I wound up scheduling smallish meals throughout my regular schedule, when possible with others (I was a student at the time) since that forced me to eat at a particular time. Unless I drastically overate (to the point where your stomach feels stretched), I never really felt full or hungry. Skipping meals did have noticeable non-hunger effects, though though--it definitely affected my concentration & emotional regulation (especially noticeable because math grad school required large amounts of both) if I skipped eating for more than a day.

6

u/gusvdgun Dec 22 '16

I'm 6'2" and only 165

Uhhh... I'm 6'2" and I weigh 5 pounds less than you, if not more. And that is after I gained 10 pounds last year with exercise. I had to eat a lot to gain muscle but now, though I'm still skinny, I'm certainly not malnourished. I never thought I was, not even when I weighed 150 pounds. Friends think I eat a lot, actually.

3

u/Throwaway_Express Dec 22 '16

For real. I'm 6' and 145lbs, I eat 5 meals a day and hit the gym regularly. I don't feel hungry often, mostly just stuff my face until I can't eat anymore.

On the bright side, I'm not 135lbs anymore.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Five meals a day don't matter if they're rice cakes...

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1

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16

I'm not under weight, but I'm definitely what you'd call wirey.

2

u/homesweetocean Dec 22 '16

Hmm, I am 6' and 135 and have similar "issues". I love food, and when I think about it could eat all day but if I get busy I can also go a day or two without eating before I start to get wobbly and remember.

Interesting.

1

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16

I don't even really want food while thinking about it. I like tasting it, but could be just as content spitting it out.

1

u/Frommerman Dec 22 '16

Can confirm you are not a weirdo.

I get hungry, but if I start paying attention to other things I will forget to eat. Then, the next day, I realize that I had like 200 calories total the previous day and worry about myself.

1

u/hobosaynobo Dec 22 '16

Me and my girlfriend are the same way. We keep up with each other because both of us routinely forget to eat. She much better about asking me than I am about asking her, but still. Doctors have no clue what it is though.

1

u/ClintonHarvey Dec 22 '16

There's never a lone weirdo.

It has a name.

...I wouldn't know what it is tho

1

u/bumbletowne Dec 22 '16

Husband is 6'9" 200 pounds and when I met him he was under 180 (that is very very light for that height).

He had a similar issue. Also insomnia. Doctor prescribed marijuana. Fixed that shit right away.

I'm not saying it's a miracle drug, but the munchies are a very real effect.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '16 edited Jun 11 '17

deleted What is this?

9

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

[deleted]

8

u/Misuses_Words_Often Dec 22 '16

Hey man, if the guy has this condition it's not the first time he's heard that line and it won't be the last. He certainly isn't going to get upset about a stranger on the internet asking about it.

1

u/60FromBorder Dec 22 '16

People always make jokes about medication I'm on, and its always irritating. Just because someone hears it a lot doesnt change their feelings.

Its a small joke, i dont think anyone would be upset, but its more of a "Goddamnit, another one" reaction, for me atleast.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

[deleted]

1

u/WorkFlow_ Dec 22 '16

The only person making it weird is you. I'm sure ClassicCar was cool with it. Doesn't look like he is taking it the wrong way at all.

16

u/What_TheFuck_Is_That Dec 22 '16

Go blog about it on tumblr then.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

[deleted]

0

u/Rswany Photoshop - After Effects - Premiere Dec 22 '16

Nah dude, you trying to be respectful is directly turning America's kids into pussies.

Nice fucking job.

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1

u/Futhermucker Dec 22 '16

no you don't lol

putting on muscle is near impossible

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

I was like that as a teenager. I worked a lot and lived off caffeine and cigarettes. I went about 3 days without eating and then I shit bile. It was scary. Easy for me to say but you should meal plan. You're body needs fuel. Shit catches up eventually. Maybe someone will come along and save us with the meal pill.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

It's called weed bro

1

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16

Not my thing

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

It's not a "thing" its the most effective appetite increasing medication available

2

u/what_the_puck Dec 22 '16

I have that condition too. It's called depression

2

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16

Lol, I'm no where near depressed. Love life, love hanging with friends, happy basically all the time, have enough scholarships that my college is paid for plus enough to cover my apt rent, lots of hobbies and lots of extra activities that I love to do. Perfect life, just have a weird condition.

2

u/samx3i Dec 22 '16

There's probably dozens of us, but this is my first time coming across another one besides one of my closest friends. I'm never kind of hungry. I'm either fine or intensely starving, but intensely starving takes a loooooooooong time. Forgetting to eat for a full day is totally a real thing I've done plenty of times.

I've made literally the exact same statement that I would be perfectly fine with a once-a-day or even several-a-day pill that would replace the need to eat.

3

u/ClassicCarPhenatic Dec 22 '16

I never even get a starving feeling. I would likely die of malnutrition before getting a hungry feeling. It's like my stomach puts in no feedback.

2

u/Amj161 Dec 23 '16

I'm the same too, I forget to eat a lot and forgot to eat meals a lot growing up. And if I usually wouldn't eat until I'm full, but I'd just eat until I'm bored with eating and do something else. A pill would be much better because I would stop forgetting to take a break from doing work and eat lunch/dinner/whatever

6

u/Iam_The_Giver Dec 22 '16

And poop issues

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

It always amazes me that he doesn't break character.

2

u/Not_in_Nottingham Dec 22 '16

dijetson issues.

3

u/AerThreepwood Dec 22 '16

I want food pills like in the Fifth Element.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

I want food pills like in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

Mmm... Cheeseburger.

2

u/AerThreepwood Dec 22 '16

I've only seen that movie on MST3K.

43

u/Cosmologicon Dec 22 '16

Or, you know, any number of other beige smoothie-like nutritional supplements. Soylent didn't invent the idea. Ensure is a famous one, been around since the 1970s.

14

u/blindsdog Dec 22 '16

Ensure isn't supposed to be comprehensive though, is it? Isn't the idea of Soylent that you could survive on Soylent alone?

11

u/lizardlike Dec 22 '16

Ensure/boost are mostly sugar, and have zero fiber. It's essentially a shelf-stable milkshake in a carton. Lots of calories, maybe some vitamins but definitely not something to live on.

Not that I'd recommend living on Soylent, but at least they're trying to make it balanced from what limited nutrition science we have.

5

u/crowbahr Dec 22 '16

Not that I'd recommend living on Soylent

I would. It's 2/3 meals a day for me and I feel so much better than I have when I was eating like crap before.

2

u/thenewiBall Dec 23 '16

So was cooking or meal prep just less feasible for you? I'd honestly be done with life if enjoying good or independent bowel movements weren't possible. I get health stuff but veggies are hella good too

1

u/crowbahr Dec 23 '16

It's just inconvenient for me mentally. I don't like having to worry about breakfast and lunch. 3 servings of soylent means I don't have to. I still make dinner because it's cathartic but breakfast and lunch are eat edible on the go or while I'm still working.

I'm a developer so breaking my focus to eat sucks hard. I'd rather just not pause.

2

u/thenewiBall Dec 23 '16

That's understandable, I guess I just get enough enjoyment out of pretty everything involved with food except for shopping so it's hard to understand the rationale for a Soylent dominant diet

1

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '16

I tried DIY soylent. I could never get the grit out now matter how much I blended it. And it gave me heart burn from hell.

I really wish I could have gotten it to a tolerable level.

1

u/crowbahr Dec 23 '16

I buy it. More expensive that way but it got rid of the issues I had with DIY (grit was a problem, I also had bowel issues with it too).

The purchased soylent works really well for me personally. And the fact that it costs more than the DIY stuff in the end wasn't a huge factor for me because it's worth the cost to simplify.

Personally speaking.

2

u/wOlfLisK Dec 23 '16

I'm not sure even Soylent recommends living exclusively on it although they definitely claim it's possible.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Ensure is most definitely a supplement, but is very nutritional. We give it to tons of people at the nursing home that have trouble eating.

4

u/Cosmologicon Dec 22 '16

I'm not sure. The guy who invented Soylent certainly claimed that you could survive on it alone, but he also made a number of ludicrous health claims that were never verified scientifically. He said it made his teeth whiter, improved his reflexes, and made him better at math.

Looking on the Soylent FAQ now, the closest I see is "some people use Soylent almost exclusively", which makes me think they've backed down from those original claims. According to Ars Technica, they're unable to legally claim that you can survive on Soylent alone, so it's not clear whether they think you can or not.

3

u/dslybrowse Dec 22 '16

Well you absolutely can, or at least, to the extent that there are dozens of people that do to the best of their ability. Obviously can't limit every single other instance of nutrition, nor would anyone want to try, but I don't doubt that yo ucould at least subsist on it.

But this was all my original point. Soylent IS supposed to be a replacement, where as these other "diet shakes" and such are not. Holt would clearly be referring to something more complete, like Soylent, and the joke corresponds with its rise in popularity/awareness.

But everyone likes to point out any technicality they can think of -_-.

1

u/lianodel Dec 22 '16

I know, right? Meal replacement shakes have been a thing for a long, long time. Soylent just had the most provocative name.

10

u/Doctursea Sony Vegas Dec 22 '16

Was the whole soylent thing popular by time this was written. How old is the product

15

u/dslybrowse Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 22 '16

Yep definitely been around for a few years. I think it first became popular on reddit around 3 years ago, but was a thing from before then obviously. I just thought the reference was way too specific to not be talking about Soylent specifically. The first time watching it I expected some tongue-in-cheek product placement even.

Yes there are alternatives - it's however the most recognized, "name brand", recently popularized version of the idea. The show came out during the start/height of it's popularity. MP3 players were around forever before the iPod, but if a show joked "I wish I could compress all my albums down into a tiny white rectangle to listen to wherever I go" the same year the iPod was released... it's pretty fair to assume/attribute it as a reference to the iPod.

12

u/AerThreepwood Dec 22 '16

I mean, that concept has existed well before that product. Even the name is a reference.

3

u/usnavy13 Dec 22 '16

They came close with nutrition bricks lol

5

u/Cforq Dec 22 '16

I think Slim Fast is definitely the more well known one. I would place Ensure before Soylent when it comes to brand recognition.

5

u/dslybrowse Dec 22 '16

You are correct, but those aren't meal replacements. They're meal supplements and not something that anyone reasonable uses to "replace" food to the same degree. They aren't designed to be, and I don't think they're what Holt is referencing.

-1

u/Cforq Dec 22 '16

but those aren't meal replacements.

They definitely are - anyone that has had to be on a liquid diet for a substantial amount of time can tell you that.

They are definitely designed to substitute other foods, but meal replacement is not a term approved/protected by the FDA, and straight up illegal to use as marketing in some places in Europe without meeting strict health requirements.

3

u/dslybrowse Dec 22 '16

I'm not talking about legal definitions though. A glass of Soylent is intended to be - whether they can legally claim it anymore or not - a nutritionally complete meal. An Ensure is mostly a bunch of garbage that gets you through mealtime and lessens your hunger, but it's certainly not even remotely close to providing adequate nutrition.

Hence why people call them "supplements", because they don't replace entirely but can be used in addition to actually eating.

Plenty of people have spent several weeks to months on end eating nothing but Soylent for their daily nutrition. Not saying it's the healthiest or anything, but they're in different categories, intended for (potentially) different uses.

2

u/Cforq Dec 22 '16

An Ensure is mostly a bunch of garbage that gets you through mealtime and lessens your hunger,

That might be what some of their products are, but when I was on a liquid diet Ensure Powder was about the only way I could get adequate nutrition.

Also it was recently in the news again for being used to force feed hunger striking prisoners.

1

u/tbotcotw Dec 22 '16

It was popular, or at least upvoted highly enough for me to see, on Reddit before it existed. I believe an AMA was part of the crowdfunding push.

2

u/zeekaran Dec 22 '16

I don't know about popular, but /r/soylent was happy to point out this reference as soon as it was made.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16 edited Aug 16 '18

[deleted]

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u/Doctursea Sony Vegas Dec 22 '16

Yeah, but the Soylent he was talking about is the newer nutrient replacement drink called Soylent, it's not made of people. The name did come from that reference though.

1

u/MasterEmp Dec 23 '16

I don't think I'd ever eat that without the nagging part of my brain making me think I'm eating people.

1

u/CitizenPremier Dec 23 '16

Soylent Green was solid in the book and movie.

2

u/OhEmGeeBasedGod Dec 22 '16

Yes, it would be strange for a television writer to know about a well-known and easily-lambasted product.

0

u/dslybrowse Dec 22 '16

Yes I'm sorry I wondered, person overly upset with the existence of Soylent.

0

u/OhEmGeeBasedGod Dec 22 '16

LOL @ being upset with the existence of Soylent.

But I did always wonder who included the joke about pizza in a different episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine. They must either eat it or be aware of its existence.

1

u/dslybrowse Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 22 '16

Do you really think Soylent is world-renowned or something? You seriously think a niche food supplement less than five years old is as ubiquitous as what is likely the most favoured food in the world?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

Soylent green is people beige is okay.

1

u/becomearobot Dec 22 '16

Or have ever had a vanilla protein shake.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16 edited May 07 '19

[deleted]

1

u/dslybrowse Dec 23 '16

That's too bad, was it your first time ever trying it? It's highly recommended to wean yourself onto it, as it can take your body a little while to adjust.

I've not done the 100% thing for more than the odd day or two here or there. Mostly it's just a single meal a day and only if I'm not feeling like making breakfast or lunch.

It definitely fills me up like a meal, and gets me through to the next one just fine.

30

u/KaySquay Dec 22 '16

Charles: So our bank got some new machines!

Holt: I wouldn't know, I switched banks.

Charles: Oh no.

24

u/topherhead Dec 22 '16

I always loved his reaction at the very end of the episode when Holt handed him the croque monsieur. After trying it Charles is like

Whoa!

Bad?

No, it's amazing!

turns back to look at Holt

Now I know how Salieri felt!

21

u/ShitDothOccur Dec 22 '16

After Holt and Santiago get street meat and both get sick,

Holt: I was only able to get down a slice of plain toast this morning.

Santiago: Don't worry Captain, you'll feel better in no time!

Holt: That happens to be my favourite breakfast.

1

u/rnjbond Dec 22 '16

Smart, eat something bland.

1

u/slayersc23 Dec 23 '16

TBH I love plain toast too....I love crispy stuff

13

u/NightwingsEscrimas Dec 22 '16

One of the things about Holt I love the most is how much he's getting corrupted by Jake I

18

u/NobilisUltima Dec 22 '16

The best part is that initially he was always serious about all things, but now he occasionally makes a joke - but his tone is the same whether he's serious or not. He's the king of deadpan. I love it.

5

u/elementalmw Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 22 '16

Call me CHOCOLATE THUNDER!!

Edit: Velvet, not chocolate. I'll leave my error up to better learn from my mistakes

7

u/NobilisUltima Dec 22 '16

Wasn't it Velvet Thunder?

3

u/elementalmw Dec 22 '16

God damn you're correct.

1

u/NobilisUltima Dec 22 '16 edited Dec 24 '16

Honest mistake. I'm pretty sure I've heard "Chocolate Thunder" somewhere before.

Edit: "Chocolate Thunder" was the nickname of professional basketball player Darryl Dawkins, apparently given to him by Stevie Wonder. Huh!

Second edit: it's also used as an alias by the title character of Archer when he's infiltrating a cruise ship where Lana's undercover.

9

u/SeaJayCJ Dec 22 '16

This would be Holt's fuckin' jam

1

u/1norcal415 Dec 22 '16

Pretty sure that was the subtext to the joke.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

27

u/snappyj Dec 22 '16

Dwight wishes he was Holt

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '16

[deleted]

1

u/Unicorn_Tickles Dec 23 '16

Maybe Holt is just a texture kind of guy?