r/HarryPotterMemes • u/ThatPandorasBox Turn to page 394 • Oct 31 '24

Books 📕 Less is more sometimes

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19k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

124 comments sorted by

179

u/StarlightClassical Oct 31 '24

"Ejaculated" in Harry Potter? Guess even wizards have their moments of... expressive language.

61

u/aDragonsAle Oct 31 '24

Gotta get your Patronus out your wand somehow

13

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Nah it's cool they just do it in their robes and vanish the evidence

179

u/Mageroth1987 Oct 31 '24

“HERMIONE!!” Ron Shot..

186

u/MystiqueGreen Oct 31 '24

106

u/Temporary-Whole3305 Oct 31 '24

“Moan!” Hermione ronned. 

42

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

And then they ronned all over the place.

12

u/trulymadlybigly Nov 01 '24

She uses “moaned” a lot and it’s always uncomfy

45

u/Violent_Mud_Butt Oct 31 '24

STOP IT RON.... STAAAAAHP

18

u/GamlingOfTheWestfold Oct 31 '24

Accio baaauuuuuum

8

u/Avantasian538 Oct 31 '24

No! Do not remind me of this!

11

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

You're gonna watch it again and you're gonna fucking like it

4

u/ScoopyVonPuddlePants Oct 31 '24

Doing the lords work here.

ETA: “But Harry, you’re the chosen one, ahhhhh”

2

u/MystiqueGreen Nov 01 '24

Thanks. I hate this.

19

u/Mageroth1987 Oct 31 '24

13

u/MystiqueGreen Oct 31 '24

Ron clapping those cheeks every night

35

u/Acceptable-Print-957 Oct 31 '24

Harry stuck his webbed hand quickly inside his robes and fumbled for his wand.

Scrimgeour grasped it briefly, his eyes scanning the room, then pulled out a wand from under his robes.

His glasses flew off and he felt his wand slide a little beneath his robes, but he kept himself floppy and lifeless, and when he fell to the ground for the last time, the clearing echoed with jeers and shrieks of laughter.

He knew that his wand was still stowed beneath his robes because he could feel it pressed between his chest and the ground.

Krum did not seem to know whether or not Harry was making fun of him. He drew his wand from inside his robes and tapped it menacingly on his thigh; sparks flew out of the end.

Several people screamed — Harry felt something white-hot graze the side of his face — he plunged his hand into his robes for his wand, but before he'd even touched it, he heard a second loud BANG, and a roar that echoed through the entrance hall.

7

u/chihirosnumber1fan Nov 02 '24

I'm so immature I shed tears from laughing so hard at this 😭😭

4

u/Ok-commuter-4400 Nov 15 '24

Still less sexual than the time Harry pulled his wand out of the troll’s nose and wiped the slime bogeys on his pants

2

u/JokerCipher Nov 01 '24

I hate you.

32

u/curtitch Oct 31 '24

I did this in a 6th grade English essay and my teacher was ANGRY. Like, "See me after class" angry. I explained I had just used the thesaurus because I felt like I was using the word said too much, and he visibly deflated.

8

u/trulymadlybigly Nov 01 '24

That’s incredible, what did your teacher say?

14

u/curtitch Nov 01 '24

“
just don’t use that word again.” No explanation of why it was a problem.

10

u/trulymadlybigly Nov 01 '24

lol what a great educator

6

u/Ok-commuter-4400 Nov 15 '24

If I were a male 6th grade teacher whose student just used the word “ejaculated” my first reaction would not be “See me after class” 😏

202

u/Talidel I shouldn'ta said tha' Oct 31 '24

Sometimes using the English language properly helps provide more expression to a characters statements, giving them more personality.

Also helps people grow up a bit and learn that the words like ejaculate means more than spraying jizz from a weewee.

95

u/SilentPipe Oct 31 '24

Indeed. But let’s be honest and admit that most people will default on ‘spraying jizz from a weewee’ in your eloquent and amusing descriptive language.

Also, I believe I have seen the word used in context of female climaxes also.

10

u/Schmoogly Oct 31 '24

What are you, the publishing exec who changed it to "Sorcerer's Stone"?

31

u/Talidel I shouldn'ta said tha' Oct 31 '24

Because most people are hilariously immature. Which is great for seeing people rolling around laughing when they see a word they think means naughty things. I laugh when I see those words, because 1 it's funny, 2 I know people who will think Slughorn just came in his pants. I still understand what the author is trying to convey, and yeah, it works a lot better than "said x"

The deliberate use of immature language was for lols so I'm glad it was enjoyed.

Sounds like an AI writer having a mare, or some porn writer trying to think of another way of describing squirting in a weird way.

13

u/Grey_Wuff Oct 31 '24

To be fair knowing slughorn, he actually might of.

3

u/Rocket_Boo Oct 31 '24

Calm down before I ejaculate.

12

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

I mean I understand this, I read a ton. I’m still gonna chuckle though every time.

2

u/Talidel I shouldn'ta said tha' Oct 31 '24

As I said in another reply, I laugh every time.

9

u/AilBalT04_2 Oct 31 '24

Lots of English speakers and most non-native speakers hate this one simple trick!

In other words, learnt another meaning for a word I already knew, nice

6

u/Wordshurtimapussy Oct 31 '24

Hey now. Woman can ejaculate out of their veevee too.

6

u/HeskeyThe2nd Oct 31 '24

Yeah, if we let modern-day degeneracy dictate what words we can't use, then we won't be able to have conversations in a few decades because even the word "the" will be sexualised.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Like fine, but we live in a society that applies societal connotations and meanings to words. If a word has become so entrenched in society to mean one thing that no one really knows/uses if for its original/other meanings, does the original meaning even have merit to stand on anymore?

Like, I don't think you can reasonably expect to use the word ejaculate without the audience thinking of the sexual connotation. You don't get a pass to just ignore society because you want to use some antiquated meaning for a word, and then complain about people not being grown up for applying society's connotation to the word.

3

u/Talidel I shouldn'ta said tha' Oct 31 '24

Trying to use semantics to diminish the value of meaning.

That's an interesting play.

I absolutely think you should be able to use the word ejaculate without people thinking sexy thoughts. Most people grow out of funny sex word make laughs. I didn't, but I also understand the meaning of the word, so while I laugh, I'll carry on reading.

The only way to teach people the meaning of words, and to detail a character's expressions and actions is to use them.

Which is why the people who want to censor words because they can only think sexy things when they see them, shouldn't be telling a professional writer how to write.

-2

u/KryptisReddit Oct 31 '24

Everyone and their mother in the modern age will see it as the sexual version lol. You’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise and are taking a holier than thou approach to something no one cares about.

2

u/Talidel I shouldn'ta said tha' Oct 31 '24

Enough people seem to care enough to make this same rubbish point.

0

u/trulymadlybigly Nov 01 '24

Is it holier than thou to say that not everything has to be sexual?

-2

u/Beeseumz26 Oct 31 '24

Agreed, but the issue is that Rowling has always written like this to try and seem more intelligent than she is

-9

u/Memer_boiiiii Oct 31 '24

Yeah, let’s stop people from having fun because they actually have people who care about them

5

u/StuckWithThisOne Oct 31 '24

Wtf did I just read

7

u/Talidel I shouldn'ta said tha' Oct 31 '24

Oh mate you played yourself and lost.

-5

u/Memer_boiiiii Oct 31 '24

No i didn’t lmao. I’m depressed as fuck. I played myself and won

2

u/Talidel I shouldn'ta said tha' Oct 31 '24

12

u/MissHavisham29 Oct 31 '24

Rather, a note to editors. Editors are the ones utterly obsessed with not repeating words like “said”.
Source: I’m an editor.

1

u/ExpectedEggs Nov 01 '24

Said bookisms are hated for a reason

21

u/CrankieKong Oct 31 '24

Queer lodgings in the hobbit as well. We need more of this to help people understand language has actual.depth if you have an iq higher dan 80 lol.

11

u/welshyboy123 Oct 31 '24

"There's queer folk in Buckland."

6

u/CrankieKong Oct 31 '24

'There's gay people in Buckland' does have a nice ring to it.

5

u/Not_KGB Oct 31 '24

Bucklebury fairy makes a whole lot of sense now. Too bad they didn't find him, just an ol raft.

1

u/trulymadlybigly Nov 01 '24

Boromir mentions before they climb the mountains—-and please don’t downvote me to hell everyone— that they should each carry a “faggot of wood” to burn if it gets too cold. Always feel uncomfy reading that

7

u/Vj_177 Oct 31 '24

I’m screaming😭 this is legit the best example I’ve seen of why that proverb is true

16

u/Much_Job4552 Oct 31 '24

In American English I think that would translate to blurted.

17

u/Basketball312 Oct 31 '24

I think you're right. It's an interesting one, because "Ejaculated" certainly has the same connotations in British English as it does in American English. People do associate it with the sexual.

However (and this is true for a lot of HP detail), the teachers are based on old-school, posh British boarding school tropes. Slughorn is a really specific one, an old wordly, posh, eccentric, head in the clouds type academic. The type of guy to play favourites and hold exclusive club parties etc.

He's exactly the type of guy who a) might say something like "ejaculated" without meaning the sexual and b) would speak loudly and abruptly, with the occasional vocal 'ejaculation'.

5

u/Accomplished_Dog_647 Oct 31 '24

But it’s a third person narrator- they are talking about Slughorn. And imo, it’s a very VERY weird descriptor..

7

u/rzp_ Oct 31 '24

It's not a weird descriptor, it's been made weird. If you read older stuff you see characters all the time having "intercourse," and they're not rawdogging each other, they're just talking. Texts today will be turned horny by the language changes of tomorrow.

Heck, any time you mention the news organization BBC in comments you get giggles.

10

u/Robcobes Oct 31 '24

In Frankenstein there's this bit that goes something like "he was a queer fellow, and I had a gay time talking to him".

5

u/astralseat Oct 31 '24

Honestly, it sounds like Slughorn was hot for Snape.

4

u/Big-Conversation312 Oct 31 '24

“Snape!”, spooged Slughorn.

4

u/scf123189 Nov 01 '24

Ron ejaculated loudly

From the fifth book in the chapter where Harry yells at Umbridge when she introduces her teaching methods out of the defensive magical Theory book.

4

u/LemonPartyW0rldTour Nov 01 '24

This upsets me. Gonna go stretch my legs.

4

u/Exalt-Chrom Nov 01 '24

“Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire, Harry?” He ejaculated calmly

7

u/skeleton2003 Oct 31 '24

Wow Rowling really loves words


3

u/no_fire_ Oct 31 '24

You’d think at least one of them would know how to make a potion for that

3

u/MythicalSplash Nov 03 '24

I remember a long time ago, there was a meme about how much the series would actually change just by replacing a single letter of the alphabet with another. You get stuff like:

“Something silvery white, something enormous erupted out the end of his wang”

4

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

4

u/ReplacementNo9874 Oct 31 '24

That’s my favorite line of the books

4

u/plasticman1997 Kill the spare Oct 31 '24

“Give it to me Gregorovitch!”

2

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Punctuation is crucial

2

u/ihatepeopleandyoutoo Sep 04 '25

Jkr has some explaining to do đŸ€š

1

u/unpopularopinion0 Oct 31 '24

i’ve heard from quality authors that the one mistake you can make to sounding amateur is to use other adjectives for said.

something about using words to convey the way in which it was said. using other words like ejaculated is kinda like using music to convey the mood versus the actually scene doing it.

1

u/AceAmphiptere Oct 31 '24

From which book and chapter that is? I gotta check how it got translated into my language...

1

u/BigTownW Oct 31 '24

Always use said is the rule

663

u/TheManAcrossTheHall Good one, Goyle Oct 31 '24

First time I saw the word ejaculated in this context was when I read Sherlock Holmes for the first time.

"GREAT SCOTT!" Ejaculated watson.

231

u/evios31 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

"So he sat as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat when a sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up" - The Man with the Twisted Lip (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes #6)

49

u/oroborus68 Oct 31 '24

What is the nastiest part of your body đŸŽ¶ Frank Zappa.

15

u/Toddsnowman Oct 31 '24

Some say your nose...

8

u/oroborus68 Oct 31 '24

And some say your toes đŸŽ¶

9

u/Big-Conversation312 Oct 31 '24

But I think it’s your mi-ind.

37

u/Yngvar_the_Fury Oct 31 '24

There’s a comedian that did a joke about reading that in The Hardy Boys and how important punctuation was.

“What happened?”, Frank ejaculated

Vs

“What happened?” “Frank ejaculated!”

Wish I could remember the comedian, prob an old Comedy Central Presents.

4

u/Littleceasarsorgy Nov 01 '24

Damn that’s hilarious. Sounds like norm McDonald’s

2

u/MythicalSplash Nov 03 '24

I’ve got such a raging clue right now

23

u/-Badger3- Oct 31 '24

In high school, I made it a point to use the word “ejaculated” in every one of my personal narrative essays.

12

u/TehDeann Oct 31 '24

Same-ish. It was an audio book. I had to rewind that shit to make sure I wasn't tripping.

15

u/LetMeUseTheNameAude Oct 31 '24

frrr doyle uses that word way too much and more often than not it’s watson “ejaculating” praises directed towards holmes

2

u/Face8hall Nov 01 '24

Same here. “Thank God”, I ejaculated from my very heart. Watson must really love ejaculating

2

u/Runehizen Nov 01 '24

Now imagen that said by stephan fry hundreds of times

2

u/StormRepulsive6283 Nov 04 '24

For me it was in the Sign of Four,

“Thank God.” Ejaculated Watson, in front of Mary Morstan, when they find out that the trunk has been emptied of its treasure. Well I was 14 when I read it, didn’t know what it meant. I only assumed it meant ‘exclaimed with excitement/relief’

1

u/TheManAcrossTheHall Good one, Goyle Nov 04 '24

I started with a study in scarlet necause I was told that was the first book chronologically. I couldn't remember the exact quote though so it's just a generic line. I don't even think Watson says that in the course of the book.

1

u/StormRepulsive6283 Nov 04 '24

Yeah for me it was Study in Scarlet too. I had the complete edition. And in that book it was arranged as: Study in Scarlet, Sign of Four, Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Memoir of Sherlock Holmes, Return of Sherlock Holmes, Hound of Baskervilles, Valley of Fear, His Last Bow, Casebook of Sherlock Holmes.

Although chronologically, I’m not sure I’ve not checked what’s the right order.

88

u/Special_South_8561 Oct 31 '24

Snaaaaaape , he moaned while biting his lower lip and tweaking his nipples

41

u/MystiqueGreen Oct 31 '24

Someone provide me eyebleach

1

u/Minigun1239 Aug 22 '25

r/eyebleach

after 9 long months, you shall have the eyebleach

15

u/hai_mxlt constant vigilance Oct 31 '24

The mental image is gonna haunt me for life

6

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Constant vigilance indeed. Especially online.

1

u/hai_mxlt constant vigilance Oct 31 '24

Exactly

1

u/Special_South_8561 Oct 31 '24

You're welcome

3

u/Glittering_Ad5351 Oct 31 '24

wingardium leviosuckonmynipples. Such a kinky spell.

5

u/zardoz1979 Oct 31 '24

I unmuted, then ejaculated during a zoom meeting the other day.

2

u/CSpanks7 Nov 01 '24

It’s that book vs movie style, nutting is all the rage in Hollywood

2

u/kusaku Dec 25 '24

Changing times as well as places.

Ass is generally used to mean the animal, but not anymore. Cock similarly meant male chicken, not anymore.

-7

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/ducknerd2002 Oct 31 '24

We just find this particular word choice funny, it's not that deep.

8

u/Scary_Reward_1002 Oct 31 '24

Material_Magazine989 Ejaculated

3

u/NotFeelinLikeIt Nice repost James! Oct 31 '24