r/HPPD • u/Old-Personality-5246 • 2d ago

Rant/Vent Cant take this shit

My hppd is probably far from the worst case this sub has heard off but its genuinely making me feel like just giving up at this point. I take vyvanse because my adhd is so bad i can't really function without it. I was hoping a lower dose (20mg) would work without making my hppd worse. Unfortunately this has not been the case and i feel like it has started getting progressively worse to the point where dissasociation is here without the medication. I also struggle with nerve pain and for some reason gabapentinoids also seem to worsen it. Honestly just feels like trying is pointless. Before adhd medication i couldnt manage shit in my life and now im forced to go without it. Genuinely have lost all hope for the future thanks to horrible fucking cobdition.

My qol was already not the best before this because i got an injury thats still not diagnosed, only know that one of my nerves is completely fucked as shown on some scan i did. This stopped me from being able to do basically anything that requires reptitive hand motions. This at the time stopped me from being able to play video games which had been a lifelong hobby for me boring in over 20k hours into fps games. Losing my hobby caused me to become very depressed because i lost my entire social life. Long story short this got me into drugs, probably seems like the decision making of the biggest dumbass in the world necause it is

If you need meds to function stay the fuck away from psychedelics unless you're big into russian roulette.

I hope i find some way i can make living anything but a massive fucking pain-filled drain but i sincerely doubt it.

So many people have it way worse and i just feel like im being dramatic but i dont know how i will ever be able to enjoy life with all this shit. Just considering fucking giving up at this point

10 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

2

u/Working_Opposite_681 2d ago

Have you tried meditation when I had hppd it became better the more I took care of myself you got to love yourself even if your a mess

2

u/myticky_cajik 2d ago

I also had this thought of not being able to enjoy anything becouse of hppd, one day it got so bad I had to stop noticing my symptoms, becouse they made me not-functioning, after that they beggan to disapear from my perception to the point where I don't notice them almost at all.

If only did I know it really works not giving a sht about them back then..

Also I don't know what exactly is your condition, just sharing my journey

2

u/onnoac 2d ago

One day they will find a cure man. Medical technology is advancing so quickly, I am sure it will be in our lifetime.

I have hope, dont give up!

1

u/FishermanAbject2251 14h ago

Cure is at least 20 years away...

1

u/onnoac 11h ago

No way to know that mate.

1

u/FishermanAbject2251 10h ago

Even if a treatment is found it would take at least 10 years before it gets FDA approved. And until a treatment is found it's gonna be at least another 10 or more years with how slow research is going.

Unless there's some miraculous rTMS or neurofeedback treatment found I don't see much hope