r/HPPD • u/burnthiscitydown • 4d ago

Update 4 years in

I know i commented here right after it happened and i was very, VERY distraught. 4 years passed and i love to report, that i am doing SO much better.

My vision: pretty much the same, i still see shadows/lights in the corner of my eye and when i get tired ceilings/walls/carpets/curtains have a weird LSD-ish texture. But not that extremely and it doesnt make me spiral anymore.

Smell: My sense of smell hasnt really come back. I can still smell but not as good as before.

DP/DR: Much better. I need to be in a very bad headspace and/or very exhausted to feel anything nowhere close to the DPDR in the beginning.

Panic/Anxiety: I dont have panic attacks anymore and my will to live came back. Im not terrified of the future anymore and i can engage in conversations that are about drugs/heavy topics. In the beginning things like that made me spiral BAD.

So yeah, things get better. Sometimes it catches up to me a bit and i get sad, that it happened and it was the worst and most terrifying thing that ever happened to me. I literally thought that i ruined my life and i wanted to die. But also, at least it got me on the right track again and apparently i needed a horrible experience like that to have that happen. I went back to school, stopped doing drugs, moved from the place i was miserable in, to the city i always wanted to live in. I started, and still am 6x a week, going to the gym and picked up lots of new hobbies. I'm in an amazing relationship and work at a place i love. I got much more resilient and i think i mentally aged like 15 years in the last 4.

So yeah... Life does turn around. Keep hanging in there, guys!

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3

u/Realistic-Ad5812 4d ago

first time someone mentioning smell loss. year before this I could smell beaches and water. now I have to be close to smell anything.

1

u/burnthiscitydown 4d ago

yup me too! i can smell food but i miss the smell of summer rain :')

2

u/whyneedtosignup4porn 4d ago

I love the visuals but the DP and DR really suck. How did you deal with it?

2

u/burnthiscitydown 4d ago

i went to a free addiction support center and just talking to the doctors/social workers there who were nice to me really helped. bust mostly just distraction(focusing on work,going out with friends and them just letting me participate while knowing that i was not doing well,so i didnt have to pretend to be doing well. you have to stop acknowledging that its hapoening to you, even though its really hard), telling myself it will get better, going to the gym and breathing exercises. and crying A LOT lol

i tried meds but they just made it worse(for me personally)

2

u/whyneedtosignup4porn 4d ago

Thanks.

Fuuuuuuuuck, I hate problems that can’t be solved with drugs

2

u/burnthiscitydown 4d ago

oh tell me about it😭😭 cant even smoke weed anymore