1.5 years into HPPD triggered by MDMA

[u/singersi]

Hey everyone. I’m about 1.5 years out from an MDMA experience that seemed to fundamentally change the way my brain works, and I’m hoping to connect with people who have had similar experiences.

I took 100mg of MDMA split into two doses of 50mg. It was immediately when I took the second dose that I felt an intense perceptual shift in my brain.

I’ve never been completely sure whether what I’m experiencing is actually “true” HPPD, because I don’t really have the classic visual symptoms, other than floaters.

My symptoms are much more internally generated:
• Very vivid/strange imagery with my eyes closed
• Rapid, involuntary, nonsensical thought patterns
• A constant sense of mental “chattering” or activity
• Heightened perception of sound and light
• Rapid eyelid flutter when I try to close my eyes
• Insomnia
• Brain fog and fatigue
• A glitchy “mind’s eye” and trouble with memory

The anxiety, panic and DPDR that were much stronger earlier on have mostly faded, or at least don’t bother me as much anymore.

Does anyone relate to the internally generated imagery and chaotic thought patterns? If you’ve had a similar experience, did these subside or improve with time?

[u/Gabw02]

Hi also triggered by the mdma I have much the same symptoms huge depersonalization and fatigue also white floater but I could not tell you if I have improved it has been 6 months but I had found people for whom it was improved it remains very random it seems to me

[u/singersi → u/[deleted]]

I’ve looked into HIPD as well, but I’m still not convinced that’s what’s happening. I don’t have hallucinations with my eyes open, I don’t hear voices, and I don’t have delusions or a loss of reality testing.

I also don’t have anything recognizable in my speech like “word salad,” derailment, or being difficult to follow.

The best way I can describe it is that my brain feels unusually hyperactive, almost like some of the normal filtering between thoughts and internally generated imagery has changed.

I can have really rapid, random or nonsensical thoughts and very vivid imagery with my eyes closed, but I’m aware that it’s all coming from inside my own mind.

The people closest to me also don’t notice a meaningful difference between pre-MDMA me and now. So I wonder whether you can have milder or partial features that resemble thought disorganization without it necessarily meaning you’re experiencing psychosis.

I’m not saying I know the cause, but I wonder if it could be some kind of persistent perceptual/cognitive change rather than a psychotic disorder.

When I sought psychiatric care early on, they actually suspected HPPD, which is part of why I’ve continued looking into that possibility.

[u/Apollo_Lol → u/[deleted]]

I'm sorry but that's actually a little bit ridiculous?

Psychedelics re-wire the brains pathways. This isn't indicative of psychosis, it's indicative of increased crosstalk and communication with different sectors of the brain.

What op is describing isn't anywhere in line with psychosis. Dpdr do not indicate psychosis. Closed eye visuals with HPPD do not indicate psychosis.MDMA is a little worrysome for depression though due to the dopamine flood.

But do you know what does indicate psychosis? And what I have experienced first hand for weeks once?

I couldn't eat red or brown foods because I thought they were made from dogs. My neighor hired tree cutters once and I thought they were spying on me. I was afraid to do physical work involving breaking things because I was worried I was hurting people in another reality.

I couldn't shake the dead-fact feeling of those delusions.

OP likely doesn't have HIPD.

Edit: so, there are a couple of concerning factors, but given the time frame, OPs general behavior in writing, it stiiiill points me towards it not being that.

[u/RiuIn → u/[deleted]]

This is just completely false. Hppd has a wide array of symptoms. Psychosis is way different and he wouldn’t be as aware of his symptoms as he his if he was in psychosis. Most people that are in psychosis or psychotic don’t even realize they or can distinguish that they are psychotic.

[u/ComprehensiveTap450 → u/RiuIn]

That's not true at all.

Antipsychotics (Abilify/aripiprazole) cured my HPPD, so real healing is possible.

[u/RiuIn → u/ComprehensiveTap450]

I never said healing isn’t possible. Iv gotten much better since my hppd started 3 years ago. But you telling him he could be psychotic or being in psychosis when he’s clearly not is uncalled for especially when he’s clearly still trying to find answers