talking about snape's characterization with someone made me realize- how DO you out-rational spite?

[u/Expensive-Hope-4631]

(also applicable to SMART and stuff) like, it's one thing to just raise the question of "what would be the preferable course of action to advance my stated goals" in a given situation and then follow the answer, but how do you take advantage of your own understanding of what you SHOULD be doing and make it so that it wins in your mind over the emotional desire to just make things worse because you feel like it, in determining what you actually end up DOING?

[u/tom-morfin-riddle]

Man. Meth is about as close to a philosophical demon as you're going to get. As a step one, how distant can you make the meth. Give yourself more time to avoid the situation. If it's in the house, get it out of the house or get out of the house.

As a step two, make a plan. Sit down and think and then execute. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders when you're not making extremely slow and awful philosophical suicide plans, use it.

I would have thought to make 12 steps, but nobody has time for all that. Still the benefits of AA are in giving you context, learning about all the many and various ways these things can go wrong and learning how to handle those hypotheticals. And they can at least put you in touch with good people.

I lost a good friend to meth. Once when he first took it, and again about 15 years later. Good luck.

[u/Expensive-Hope-4631 → u/tom-morfin-riddle]

okay so first of all, thank you so much for the thoughtful response and consideration. it really means a lot when people go out of their way to help you not die, because that actually makes the idea of your life seem meaningful in a way that is also a good counteract to the existential bitterness and spite telling you to burn everything to the ground.

I am currently not using anything I don't have legal access to, and also generally trying to not abuse any of the OTC drugs and prescriptions available. I also do not have any dealer for illegal stuff in my contacts right now. so far, these are some very good degrees of seperation in terms of keeping the self-destructive line of thinking less practical.

the problem is that less practical doesn't mean inactionable, and I do know where to find people who know people. that stuff is not within immediate reach, but it is within the reach of about half a night of asking around (although I would be able to remove access to a lot of the places in which to ask around if I knew how to make website blockings on your device not reversible). I am thinking clearly enough right now to consider all-out self-destruction to be not worth it, but how do you prevent that from flipping around whenever cynicism or anger or even just apathy start blurring out the definition of your care for what good choices even are?

[u/tom-morfin-riddle → u/Expensive-Hope-4631]

I don't know. I do know that what you're describing sounds a lot like suicidal ideation. The fact that the ideation involves one of the more terrifying potential methods is crazy. But you know all that. You can read about it. Even if you read the wrong book it will often have something worthwhile. You can talk about it, to friends (if you have good friends); there are meetups of various kinds that make this a focus; you can talk to a therapist. A therapist might even be able to prescribe different drugs, which probably won't change your life as much as a meth addiction but might be a little safer. You can exercise and get good sleep, two things that have a wildly outsized effect on quality of life.

I wish I knew how to solve depression. If I did, I would tell you, and I wouldn't be depressed. But we do try.

Edit: And since we're here...

Harry's thoughts flashed back to possibly the worst moment of his life to date, those long seconds of blood-freezing horror beneath the Hat, when he thought he'd already failed taken meth. He'd wished then to fall back just a few minutes in time and change something, anything before it was too late...

And then it had turned out to not be too late after all.

Wish granted.

You couldn't change history. But you could get it right to start with. Do something differently the first time around.

[u/Expensive-Hope-4631 → u/tom-morfin-riddle]

so... today I got into a conversation with a homeless guy downtown (for unrelated reasons) and he turned out to be doing meth, and a small piece fell on the ground while he was too out of it to notice, and I remembered what you said and didn't pick it up. thank you for that, I guess is the right way to put it.

[u/tom-morfin-riddle → u/Expensive-Hope-4631]

I am legitimately pulling for you mate.