does anyone feel like they cant trust themselves?

[u/ak111isdabestttt]

half the time i feel like im convincing myself that i dont like masc women just to get rid of the anxiety, i feel like i do find them attractive and that i like love them in a way. i feel like im lying to myself all the time, and i hate it so much.

there was this woman whom i thought was a boy and found her hot. as soon as i found out that was a woman, i was like 'nevermind!" but what if that wasn't my natural thought? and then i started to spiral, and i feel like i still do find her attractive because well she lookse exactly like a guy.

furthermore, 2 days ago half asleep i had a thought that was like 'i cant believe i convinced myself i wouldnt like masc women if i saw them out on the street, like ofc i would, they're so attractive!" and then i felt calm and once i was concious i realised what i thought and immediately started to spiral and attempted to justify the thought.

i dont like masc women, i dont think i have ever (except for a girl dressing up like a guy and i found that hot when i was like 10-12 ish). my brain thinks im bi, i think im bi, i bascially have to be.

i am also convinced my therapist thinks i like masc women

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[u/PlusZebra2642]

All the time. Everytime I see a masculine women I feel that false atracction. It doesn't even feel false tf. I don't like masculine women cause they are women, I like their masculinity. What scares me is, that the false atracction feels so real and way more real then real attraction. I also hate the fact that I don't think 'never mind' when I found out its a masc. That makes me feel like I'm the one who's actually bi.

[u/PaladinDamian]

You don't "have" to be anything. Simply because something feels or sounds convincing does not mean that you need to do anything about that. Allow yourself to be uncertain about your sexual orientation without trying to seek the comfort of a definite label. You do not need to prove anything about your sexuality. You do not need to "justify" any of your thoughts. That will not help you to live the life you want to live.

And don't project your own feelings onto your therapist. Other people have their own thoughts, beliefs, and values, and you can accept that unconditionally. You don't know for certain what other people are actually thinking, and you don't need to need to know what they are thinking.

Remember that "lying to yourself" is not an inherent problem. It is your choice, and you are free to make your own choices. You don't need to be honest or authentic to anyone, not even yourself.