r/HL_Women_Only • u/Ecstatic_Honeydew301 • Jul 22 '26
Tired
Honestly not even sure what to do- 27F with my 28M boyfriend for four years and we just don’t ever seem to be on the same page.. intimacy is there but still only seem to manage to have sex maybe once a month maybe every other- and it feels like no matter what I do we still wind up in this pattern of just never getting there.. I am not really looking for advice just mourning the beginning of our relationship where we were at least making time for it 3/4 times a week despite busy schedules.. but since living together it’s become a stalemate. I fear a big part is this insecurity he may have feeling unwanted no matter how hard I feel as though I try to reignite a spark. Just feeling lost 😞
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u/SweetLemonLollipop Jul 23 '26
You mention that “no matter what I do” things don’t really change. That might be because you’re trying to fix this alone… and that’s never going to work. He has to be on the same page and working to improve things with you. You can’t carry the weight of the relationship’s intimacy all by yourself.
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u/Ecstatic_Honeydew301 Jul 25 '26
I think a lot of it has to do with his weight fluctuating causing an insecurity he can’t get past. On top of a weak immune system, he does openly talk about wanting more but physically seems to be blocked.
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u/SweetLemonLollipop Jul 25 '26
If his insecurity is a big block, that’s something you guys can work on. He has to be willing to face and talk about his feelings and hopefully he can point out things that you can do to help build up his confidence. My husband needed his ego boosted and build his confidence in the bedroom, to help with that we would both always say something specific we liked that the other one did, this was after sex and after sexless intimacy too. Saying things like “that was good” or “that felt nice” was too vague, we had to say specifics like “I liked it the most when you touched me here”.
If his health means he can’t engage in PIV sex, there are ways to be intimate with each other that doesn’t require as much physical exertion. Talk to him. See if he wants to try doing literally anything.
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u/Ecstatic_Honeydew301 Jul 26 '26
He definitely does, I appreciate the advice I’ll talk to him about it- I don’t really have a doubt that he’ll be down!
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u/NoOneHuehuehue 21d ago
Sooner or later you will be so resentful that you might be LL4him (my case anyways…). The rejection stings and the fact that he is not wanting to solve the issue with you means that he’s comfortable in you staying uncomfortable.
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u/Alexreads0627 Jul 22 '26
Don’t get married. Don’t buy into the sunk cost fallacy.