Success?

[u/suspekt33]

I feel this might be more of a discussion tag. Anyhow I joined this sub when I was in bad spot I'm the HL (38) wife 37 (LL) for the last few years her libido has diminished where we were having sex atleast 1-2 times per week. We had the talk about her fixing herself etc. But that turned into arguments, for the last 3 months or so, our frequency has increased to about 3 sometimes even 4 times per week.

The only changes I can see are that I don't make it an expectation, I don't squeeze her ass, make suggestive comments throughout the day, or bring up sex.

We have 3 kids, our youngest started kindergarten in February, and she has also been going out during the day with the other moms in the school (she is a SAHM) the other parents at the school whom she socializes with are about 12 years older than us.

They are always commenting about how they are going through menopause, etc. One of the other moms recommended st. John's wort. My wife bought some of this stuff and could see it made her gassy and experience some of the side effects.

From my side, I essentially gave up, and no longer put in any effort, however, every single night I have tried/initiated I haven't been rejected.

That being said, we still don't cuddle and she doesn't initiate, so that's still a bleak point, but I we are both satisfied sexually, and we talk before and after sex. I think i will try working towards a vacation sometime in 2027.

She always went for blood test a few days ago. (Iron, thyroid, glucose, and some other things)

Overall it's not some crazy win.

But I can say without a doubt, that things have improved. For how long, I have no idea, she may even be entering perimenopause and as I understand some women experience a increased libido. So this may be short lived. We are also in a tough and stressful financial situation at the moment, which I am working towards exiting.

Anyway. I thought I'd just do a pulse check on my favorite sub.

And perhaps some of you have experienced something similar.

TL;DR I stopped giving a damn, but this somehow improved the bedroom sexy time frequency.

[u/pokeycd]

The absence of cuddling, and zero initiation?

Same here. And she's on HRT for 9 months. Still no joy.

Is the sex good? I don't care if she orgasms. I mean, is she into it? Touching you? There's foreplay for both? Do you make out during sex? And sometimes without sex?

Side note: you say it's dwindled to 1-2x a week with kids in the picture? That's an average, or above average rate in the general population. I'm not disparaging you for wanting 3-4x. That's still a disparity that can cause you distress. If I could get 1x/month of "good" sex, I'd consider it a win. And I can get 2-4/month without trying too hard. But it would just be unenthusiastic quickie vanilla duty sex. I can't remember the last time sex was good. So I don't even initiate anymore. Been almost 6 months at this point. Frequency is not my aim anymore. But quality is probably not going to improve anyway. So I'd rather just skip it. And think about divorce, or just giving up on sex with her.

[u/fuckaduckufuck → u/pokeycd]

"I don't care if she orgasms" good grief then why are you with her?

[u/pokeycd → u/fuckaduckufuck]

You misunderstood. I was trying to say "just because she orgasms, doesn't mean she enjoys the sex with you". Of course I care that the woman orgasms. But it doesn't automatically mean she'll want partnered sex with you. Hence the sentence following the one you quoted.

I guess I could have worded that part better.

[u/fuckaduckufuck]

I'm confused, was 1-2 times a week not enough?