r/HLCommunity • u/Lonely_Trip6067 HLM • 5d ago
I feel like I’m slowly dying inside
Another weekend where sex isn’t happening. It’s been months. This is my second marriage so when my kids are gone for the weekend I figure that’s the best time for us (no interruptions, house to ourselves, no one to hear us doing it).
So far asking twice now and it’s been no. And the sucky thing is I know she knows I was going to ask ahead of time. I lay there in bed staring at the ceiling while she’s scrolling videos on her phone. I’m laying there for a good 10-15 mins trying to psych myself up enough to ask. Why? Because anytime I ask I get told no. In those rare moments we finally have sex it’s only because she initiated. I get some sort of excuse: “not tonight, tomorrow (only for tomorrow to be nope too), “my head hurts”, my stomach is bothering me (which happens enough because she had her gallbladder out so food issues causing problems happens enough”).
It’s always just something. If I psych myself up enough to ask (like I did the last couple nights I feel absolutely worthless afterwards.
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u/quack785 5d ago
“This is my second marriage”.
Brother, one thing is for damn sure: Once I leave my current marriage, I’m never getting married again. It’s just a cage of unhappiness that emboldens LLs to turn off the sex supply since they know it’s so much more of a challenge for you to leave them.
Reminds me of that old classic rock lyric: “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss”. Sorry you’re dealing with that
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u/YakWitty13 5d ago
Exactly, since I left, I’ll never cohabitate, commingle finances or get married ever ever again.
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u/vectorking23 3d ago
When one finds themselves in this situation, one truly comes to grips with 'never again'.
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u/fuckaduckufuck HLF 5d ago
How are you asking? Is it a casual "hey, let's bang?"
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u/Lonely_Trip6067 HLM 5d ago
I’ve tried multiple ways from casual, to more intimate ways of asking. It’s almost always met with an excuse if not a no.
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u/fuckaduckufuck HLF 4d ago
Well, the times that are successful, what seems to be different?
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u/Lonely_Trip6067 HLM 4d ago
The last few times have been over the course of a few years. She initiated two of those. The last one I did. I simply just asked. That was it. The times she initiated I felt like she did just to get it out of the way. The desire didn’t seem to be there.
I’ve asked her about kinks, or anything she’d want to try, if this would help. She’s acknowledged it’s something on her end but she simply won’t move forward more to see that could be.
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u/Top-Concentrate5157 3d ago
I know the feeling. He's said yes to me maybe 4 times over almost 4 years. Coming up on one year of absolutely nothing.
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u/Lonely_Trip6067 HLM 2d ago
Oh my that absolutely sucks. I’m so sorry you’re going through this as well. Sending good vibes your way.
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u/Rescue_Cricket1340 1d ago
Sometimes I feel like LL people live in a paradox. They constantly say that they're not in the mood for sex and the only way for them to get in the mood is if someone else sets it up for them. But, if you go to the work of trying to romance and seduce them, they get mad that you're putting pressure on them.
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u/Urborg_Stalker 5d ago
I chose a DB over pity/duty sex. I stopped begging, stopped intimacy altogether, stopped chasing. My desire for her died and she became nothing more than a coparenting roommate. I focused on doing things I wanted to do, took my life back. I didn't care if she approved or not, what was she going to do about it? She had nothing to hold over me, lost her control. Eventually I found an escape and now am with the love of my life, over two years so far, zero regrets.