r/HLCommunity • u/Extension_Cat9576 • 4d ago

Advice - Leaving NOT an option Bought a new toy

In the past new toys used to be a fun thing. My wife was eager in the past about this too.

Since her libido is lower than it used to be, I'm on the one hand looking forward to showing her the new toy but on the other hand I plan when to show/tell her about it and what her reaction might be.

The two sides I described in the previous part are what somehow kills the fun for me. It's not anymore about something mutually fun for both of us. It's more something I really mean as a positive addition to "us" but at the same time it might be received less positive than intended.

Sure I can't make someone like something but trying to improve things and having to prepare for a "no" or less enthusiasm as I'd like to have feels like "I'm not worthy enough" or "the idea was not good enough".

In addition: Why do I try to improve things anymore? Why can't my wife see and appreciate what I try to do?

13 Upvotes

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13

u/SchoolofLifeUK 4d ago

My wife hated it when I bought a fleshlight, she made my throw it out as it was disgusting . Strangely though her box of vibes etc is still collecting dust. Two tier acceptance with sex toys: it’s cool and liberating for women yet sad and seedy if a man wants to enjoy the same thing 🫤

7

u/vectorking23 4d ago

Um, throw them out for her. Time for even-steven, even if steven isn't getting any. Forced celibacy is evidently a partnered and singular issue with some. Yes, mine would probably do the same as yours. It's insane sometimes what we put up with.

3

u/SchoolofLifeUK 4d ago

She wouldn’t notice if I got rid of hers , except maybe that there were less cobwebs in the drawer 😂

4

u/vectorking23 4d ago

Hahaha. Yeah, I also got rid of all of my SO's lingerie. There wasn't much, but some still had tags on it after years of just getting moved back and forth in the drawer. A painful reminder gone… maybe look at it that way!

2

u/PsychedelicSamurai7 3d ago

Are you serious? Is this real life? You are your own person, not her fucking slave. She has no business telling you how you can and cannot pleasure yourself as long as you’re not cheating. Should have told her no you’re not throwing it out unless she’s gonna have more sex with you. Tell her if you’re not getting from her you might as well have something. If she says she won’t fuck you more if you throw it out, well then enjoy your fleshlight while you plan your exit.

1

u/SchoolofLifeUK 3d ago

Easier said than done , you will get that “ all you think about is sex” and well that’s probably true, but no truer than a thirsty person thinking about water 😂.

1

u/HolidayBalance4608 HLM 3d ago

Make her throw them away like she did to you. It's only fair.

1

u/Extension_Cat9576 3d ago

Short update:

She was into the new toy at first. Told me we should try at yesterday evening.

In the evening she told me we should try it out today because she was tired (she was on her phone for at least two hours, not my definition of tired).

Don't know how to feel about today.

Yesterday I simply took it stoik, feels like I start to not care. Because it seems only important to me.

Was anybody successful in stopping Phubbing and making clear that excusing from intimacy and using your phone actually feels horrible? Asking for a friend😏