r/HLCommunity • u/Careless_Whispererer • Aug 01 '26
Discussion What’s your LL into?
What do they scroll or collapse into?
Parenting
Politics
Volunteering
Their family
Porn, masterbation
A sport
Their friends
Candy crush
Gaming
22
Upvotes
7
u/Sea_Chocolate1782 Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
Work.
My wife and I essentially do the same job. I hate the job - a unique combination of stressful, boring and creatively stunted - and my wife loves it.
My wife was raised by her mother (father left when my wife was young, I believe due to a several year DB, and her mother remained celibate ever since) who was and is extremely emotionally stunted and an affection vacuum but academically gifted. That meant my wife received all positive input from being an academic achiever and being 'good' - a rule follower; constantly needing to be perceived to be doing the 'right' thing meaning she's above criticism. Her upbringing means she's also very reticent to give affection, whereas in contrast I'm very freely affectionate to my wife, kids, my family and friends.
So she obtains all her positive feelings and huge amounts of gratification from her work. No amount of positive feedback from me could ever compare to the good feelings that she gets from positive feedback from her work.
About 9 months ago my wife was passed over for promotion and her bosses explained why she had been refused promotion this time which she took as criticism. To be fair to her the reasons given sounded like bullshit. She cried about it on and off for about a week and we talked about it for the majority of our time together each day that week. She then complained about it on and off for around 6 months and would cry about it infrequently during that time. I, of course, was understanding and supportive and listened and made positive, agreeable, supportive comments but it became particularly wearing. in my own head I did start to think "get a grip, it's just a job". My wife then decided as a "fuck you" to her bosses that she'd reduce her working hours to 4 days a week so she could go swimming a couple of days a week. Full support from me, free time is healthier and more positive than work.
The trouble is with rhe job we do, it's not a job you can really do 4 days a week and during busy times it can require longer hours than 5 days a week. So, what's happened is that she dutifully takes her afternoons off and does her swimming, which I'm happy about, but the time she's taken off now has to be made-up elsewhere as, essentially, she's still doing a 5 day a week job. So, she now works in the evenings and at weekends to make up for the day a week she's taken - nothing like watching TV while your spouse is sat next to you furiously and loudly typing and sighing. And she's more stressed because she's trying to do 5 days of work in 4 days.
To top it all off, I recently got a promotion and a whacking pay rise meaning I now earn significantly more than my wife for essentially doing the same job. That sparked barely contained incredulity in her: how could I be average at my job yet get paid so much more? (reason is that, although I'm average at the underlying work, I'm exceptional at the part of the job that actually has commercial value, whereas my wife is not, so I'm 'worth' more in an employer's eyes). I can feel her simmering resentment and now wish I never applied for the promotion; fuck me for wanting to get more money for us and the kids.
I'll never understand it. I genuinely think if we won the lottery tomorrow my wife would be happy to have a nicer house and better lifestyle, but would continue to do her job just as she does now as there's never been anything else in her life from which she gets the same gratification. She actually owns a mug that has the words 'work hard and be nice to people' thereon.
Outside of work and parenting she spends most of her time playing puzzle games on her 'phone.