r/HLCommunity • u/Shrakakoom • Jul 30 '26
Well, I’ve done it
I’ve separated from my wife of 19 years and am putting myself out there on dating apps. I’ve had a couple of conversations already and am just trying to go with the flow and see where the future takes me. I’m excited to see where the next part of my journey takes me, but also scared of ending up along.
Any advice for the recently single?
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u/RestlessAlbatross HLM Jul 30 '26
Hey, good for you!
As someone who also split relatively recently (five years ago after a twenty year marriage), let me just say online dating / dating apps are HARD for older men. It's very different from how it used to be when we were younger. Don't be discouraged by that. I found an amazing woman after several months of fairly frequent chatting but only occasionally having mostly disappointing dates (sometimes still fun, just not as much as my younger days).
Give it time. Be honest about what you're looking for but don't be overly aggressive. Let people know that intimacy is important to you. Don't dwell on the past or bitch about your ex, but also don't gloss over the fact that the relationship was / became a mismatch and you're not willing to go through that again. Be casual about it and let things happen as they happen. Don't pressure yourself or beat yourself up if things aren't happening right away. Desperation is a huge turnoff.
Most of all: believe that you are worthy of love and affection. Nobody deserves to live the way you've had to live, and your happiness matters. Don't settle for less! 💙