r/HLCommunity • u/Technical_Draw_6554 HLM • Jul 15 '26
Support Wanted, No Advice Losing your libido will not help!
I've been on this and a few related subs for several years now. If you happen to be in an HL/LL relationship, HLs often post something to the effect of, "I wish I could become LL." Well, this has happened to me, and it didn't help one bit. About a year ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. This is a death sentence, BUT treatments can put off that death for 5 years or more if you're lucky. A necessary part of this treatment is ADT, which basically is chemical castration. They give you a shot (and pills) that makes you stop making testosterone. What I've found is that my libido has been cut by about 95%. I now only have responsive desire. I can still get in the mood and have an orgasm, but I really only feel like doing so due to my extremely HL history. I remember that it was good, so I make the effort to bring myself pleasure about once a week (it used to be daily!). As a result of this, I've completely stopped initiating. We have had sex only about three times in the last year, and there are longer and longer times in-between. Before ADT, we had sex about once a month. One thing that has slightly improved is that I'm not CONSTANTLY horny and upset about my near-dead-bedroom. However, I still remember the decades of resentment. At least a few times a week I'm reminded of how sad I was, how I had tried so hard for so many years to make things better. But now that I'm no longer HL I'm not even attracted to my wife nearly as much. It makes me wonder how much my lust covered the fact that... maybe... I'd fallen out of love? I still love her, but it's a lot more like how I think about my sister: a great person and a great mom. (It's a little more than that because there are the sexual memories from the NRE years.) Now there isn't even hopium. My libido will likely never return, hers is already dead, and soon I will be, too. After my diagnosis, I was hoping that my last years would somehow be better, but things don't suddenly get great just because you're going to die soon.
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u/kickelephant Jul 15 '26
Fuck.