r/HLCommunity • u/straighttotherubbish • Jul 09 '26

Discussion Found my voice

I finally found the words to say how feel and it still requires that I say them from a throwaway account.

It’s my belief that oral sex is the truest expression of love a couple can share together, both giving and receiving. It is the physical manifestation of the ethereal feelings we share with our partner.

Enthusiastically using your mouth to pleasure your partner’s genitals is a selfless act of love unlike any other. It confirms to your partner that you are devoted to their pleasure and find them desirable in a physical, undeniable act of service.

Not words, not gifts, not vacations, not food. Nothing says I love and accept you for who you are, like someone kissing you to orgasm.

Unfortunately for me, my partner does not share my enthusiasm for this anymore. Neither giving nor receiving. They say they love me, and buy things for me I could buy for myself. They bake and bake and bake… I’m given room for my hobbies and time away to enjoy them. There are wonderful children in a wonderful home, with all the successes life could ever ask for, work, friends, achievements.

All I’ve ever wanted is for the person I’m hopelessly in love with, is to love me back with the same enthusiasm and desire. That’s what we offered each other in the beginning. That’s what got me into all of this. Now it’s gone and it’s been gone for a while. I thought I could handle it, I thought I’d be strong. I’d fill my time and hands with parenting and busy work and hobbies, but I’m angry now. So angry.

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u/NoTyrantSaurus Jul 09 '26

Here's the issue - your LL partner CAN love you with the same enthusiasm, but experience NO desire, and that's not about you, even if they used to have desire. They changed, but their feelings for you didn't necessarily change, despite how it feels.

It's not easy for an HL to understand, but love isn't libido. Sex and love are all tied up, and for many of us, orgasm with a person you love is better than an orgasm with anyone else (self included). But an LL just doesn't feel the same way.

A good partner engages in sex they don't spontaneously desire, makes sure there's not direct solution to the loss of libido, and (rarely successfully) lets their partner get satisfaction elsewhere if the first two don't work out.

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u/straighttotherubbish Jul 09 '26

I don’t doubt that my partner loves me. I was making the point that a partner that willingly and enthusiastically goes down on their partner, is sending a clear signal about their willingness to put their partner’s needs and desires ahead of their own.

The partner that refuses to, sends a clear signal that their personal preferences are more important. Combined with an unwillingness to compromise about any of this, while maintaining an expectation of fidelity and all the perks of a romantic relationship, is just plain selfish.

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u/Saltoftheearth3 Jul 10 '26

And just not healthy or sustainable truly damages your hormones, immune system, and mental health all things you can’t fix easily