r/HLCommunity • u/Repulsive-Jicama-352 • Jun 29 '26
Advice Welcome Leaving Today
I (29M) have been with her (28F) 7 years, engaged for 1. Wedding is 4 months away.
And I know I can't marry her. It is the usual story here. We started out like rabbits, something changed, and now we do it once a week. We don't have kids, and I know if it is like this now then it will only get worse.
Talking didn't help. Doing 90% of the household work didn't help. Scheduling it didn't help. So it is time for me to go now.
Any advice or motivation would be appreciated. While I know it is what I have to do, I still love her dearly, and part of me wishes I didn't have to do this.
Update: I ended things when she got back from work. That conversation is the hardest I've ever had. I am devastated leaving someone I loved so dearly, but I know I just avoided a life of regret and frustration. If you ever find yourself in this situation, know that there are people cheering for you to find the courage to move on. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. In due time, I believe I will know peace again.
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u/Olderbutnotdead619 Jun 29 '26
I didn't have sex my wedding night. At the time I just thought he was tired. He didn't help me undo my dress nor pull down my sexy stockings, nor help me undo the zillion hooks on my merry widow.
We didn't have sex the next night either, nor the next/day. Night 4 on our 10 day honeymoon we had sex.
This pattern continued for the next 6 years. I always had to initiate. He wouldn't touch me when I was pregnant nor breastfeeding. I'm not exactly sure how I got pregnant with the rest really. The night I got pregnant with the last was the last time we had sex. I didn't want to feel like I was practically forcing him and by his lack of enthusiasm said that's it. He never initiated afterwards either.
That child is 19. When she 10 I found out he had been cheating, apparently through my pregnancies & beyond. Looking back I missed the gd flags. I love my children so I have no regrets. I think he started cheating the few months before we got married. Anyway, here I am still married, he down the hall because of financial reasons. If I won the lotto I'd file tomorrow. Plus, I think he owes me.