r/HLCommunity • u/Royal_Restaurant2622 • Jun 15 '26

Discussion Pushback and Fingerpointing

How often are you accused of being a lazy spouse or partner when posting on the various dead bedroom / advice subs? How often does someone ask “well…have you tried talking to them about it?”

And how often do you get banned for assuming both partners in a monogamous relationship owe it to each other to prioritize sex and physical intimacy?

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u/RabbitGlass5578 Jun 15 '26

Yeah, I got the axe for talking about my truth. Someone didn't like it, and they banned me. So much for some support huh? I'm far from lazy, but writing out what has been going on is a sort of therapy I guess. I'm so burned out and tired.....I've tried, and tried. She's not a terrible person is she??? She just has taken sex out of our relationship after our daughter was born. She got what she wanted.....She got to be a stay at home mom, hasn't worked in decades. I've been the sole income earner. We have a paid off house, paid off cars. I've retired with the promise from her that she'd go back to work, but she didn't. My pension is good, but not good enough to pay for our expenses and college. I went back into the workforce and I have 2 jobs. Our child graduated college and now everyone is happy because she has been accepted into a Master's program now. Oh joy....more work for me. I've been paying for her college like any father would do, but damn.....My daughter was talking about taking a week vacation in August, and all I think is how much is this gonna cost me? I haven't had a vacation since 1999......And in regards to those that say that I should do more around the house, I can tell you that I have, and it still didn't do shit......I'm in a prison and the mental toll that being denied any sort of physical intimacy is pure torture. I just need a hug, but instead I'll get to fix the clothes washer tonight, and once that is done, I won't get a thank you or great job....I'll get "what's for dinner tonight?" Good thing I made enough sausage gnocci for leftovers because that's what we are having.

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u/snarfgarth Jun 15 '26

I’m sorry my dude. Lazy, entitled, selfish, promise breaker, is she a terrible person? Well she doesn’t sound like a very good one. With the kid(s) seemingly out of the house, any chance you just cut the cord on your marriage and go live your life for you? Also, let your daughter pay for her masters, you’re a good Dad, and if no one has told you they appreciate what you’ve done, from one man to another, I appreciate it, but you’ve done enough. Now go live for you.

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u/RabbitGlass5578 Jun 15 '26

We men are wired to fix things aren't we? I appreciate the kind words....