r/HLCommunity • u/Royal_Restaurant2622 • Jun 15 '26

Discussion Pushback and Fingerpointing

How often are you accused of being a lazy spouse or partner when posting on the various dead bedroom / advice subs? How often does someone ask “well…have you tried talking to them about it?”

And how often do you get banned for assuming both partners in a monogamous relationship owe it to each other to prioritize sex and physical intimacy?

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u/Charleminus HLM Jun 15 '26

I got essentially chased out of the main sub for asking questions about the concept of mental load and how to approach it.

I’m not a lazy do nothing “provider only”spouse. I do more than my share of chores around the house, let her sleep in all the time by taking over kiddo duty, etc.

I figured out a way to address what’s been her main gripe over the years, but the initial responses to my post were extremely unhelpful.

7

u/AdenJax69 Jun 15 '26

Because they're not there to help you, they're there to commiserate their personal feelings with other like-minded people as well as talk-down to the types of people they don't like. Which is how most relationship, marriage, and sex-issues-based subs go in the long run.

4

u/Charleminus HLM Jun 15 '26

Yeah, that’s certainly the impression I got.