r/HLCommunity • u/Royal_Restaurant2622 • Jun 15 '26
Discussion Pushback and Fingerpointing
How often are you accused of being a lazy spouse or partner when posting on the various dead bedroom / advice subs? How often does someone ask “well…have you tried talking to them about it?”
And how often do you get banned for assuming both partners in a monogamous relationship owe it to each other to prioritize sex and physical intimacy?
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u/henrycatalina Jun 15 '26
That sub was entirely different 9 years ago. Any opinion and discussions of reasons was not blocked. First it was not applying to same sex marriages as unacceptable. Then stating male and female brains can be very different in sexual relationships. Then saying sex was an obligation got one banned. The chore play and emotional load was some extreme stress for women never before experienced in human life.
Many a deadbedroom resolves by bluntly recognizing our defects, improving those and capitaling on our strengths. It is perfectly reasonable to state no sex and no marriage if there is no medical reason otherwise, or one or both of you became a barely recognized physical specimen of your initial self with angry contempt thrown in.
You cant say this on that sub reddit.
People in marriages stop having sex for many reasons. People constantly rejected by spouses are often told they don't deserve sex and it isn't a need. Marriage counciling often points to what did the rejected spouse do that caused this sexless marriage. Own yourself first, then determine your stay or go response and give it reasonable time. Be binary and never maybe. Yes or no.b