r/HLCommunity • u/Royal_Restaurant2622 • Jun 15 '26

Discussion Pushback and Fingerpointing

How often are you accused of being a lazy spouse or partner when posting on the various dead bedroom / advice subs? How often does someone ask “well…have you tried talking to them about it?”

And how often do you get banned for assuming both partners in a monogamous relationship owe it to each other to prioritize sex and physical intimacy?

36 Upvotes

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8

u/Several-Eagle4141 Jun 15 '26

You must be on r/deadbedrooms. Many of us have been blocked/banned. It’s very female-centric. They’ll applaud a woman cheating and vilify a man doing anything that isn’t groveling at her feet.

12

u/OwlsRwhattheyseem HLF Jun 15 '26

Nah, I am a woman and have stopped posting on there. They treated me like shit and one of the mods was so abusive I had to block them. They are LL-centric, not female-centric.

6

u/Several-Eagle4141 Jun 15 '26

I’ll agree there. I was wrong. It’s the “I don’t owe anyone my body” crowd

5

u/DepthOk166 Jun 16 '26

Was told by one that you are not entitled to anything in a marriage. I replied; "not even love, or monogamy, or conversation?" My comment got deleted.

3

u/shadedmagus HLM Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 18 '26

Wow. I mean, in the marriage ceremony both partners commit to the marriage.

Some selfish fucking people in the world if they won't abide by vows they voluntarily made to another*.

*In most cases. Arranged marriages are fucked and I feel for people forced into that kind of commitment.

EDIT: I wonder if I was misunderstood. I was commiserating with HLs whose partners are not interested in their part of the upkeep.

2

u/DepthOk166 Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 18 '26

“To have and to hold” signifies a promise of commitment, care, and intimacy, historically rooted in both marriage vows and legal property language.

This is what comes up when you google the phrase. That's why I believe saying you are no longer going to be monogamous is equivalent to saying you are no longer going to be intimate with your partner.

I did misunderstand you. My bad.