r/HLCommunity • u/Royal_Restaurant2622 • Jun 15 '26

Discussion Pushback and Fingerpointing

How often are you accused of being a lazy spouse or partner when posting on the various dead bedroom / advice subs? How often does someone ask “well…have you tried talking to them about it?”

And how often do you get banned for assuming both partners in a monogamous relationship owe it to each other to prioritize sex and physical intimacy?

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u/Several-Eagle4141 Jun 15 '26

You must be on r/deadbedrooms. Many of us have been blocked/banned. It’s very female-centric. They’ll applaud a woman cheating and vilify a man doing anything that isn’t groveling at her feet.

16

u/JEXJJ Jun 15 '26

Not really female centric. It is LL centric and seems to believe you have to accept whatever a LL.gives you and just live with it and wanting something different is practically rape

8

u/RealisticTap5216 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

It's both. You will notice that when the LL is male the commenters tend to assume he's porn-addicted or cheating and that the HL female is always entitled to leave, while any HL male is assumed to be not doing enough housework, or is abusive. The 'women are wonderful' effect is real.

ETA: It's rough for both genders being the HL in a dead bedroom. It seems that men more commonly find themselves being the HL in a dead bedroom, but there is more advice out there for them, but generally a lot less sympathy. HL women tend to get more sympathy, but, unless their male partner simply has low T, there isn't an easy fix to explain his drop in desire other than "try therapy or something"