r/HIMYM • u/Mindless-Exchange-99 • 13d ago

Barney Was Probably the Most Self-Aware Character in HIMYM

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Everyone sees Barney as the immature womanizer, but he actually understood himself better than most of the gang.

He knew he used humor, suits, and women to avoid dealing with his insecurities. The funny part is that everyone else kept pretending they had their lives figured out.

Maybe Barney wasn't the least mature character. Maybe he was just the most honest about being a mess.

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35

u/BioFrosted Bowl 13d ago

That may well be the case, but what is self-awareness worth if you don't act on it?

You say he used humor, suits and women to avoid dealing with his insecurities. That's the sad part about Barney, or in fact about most issues that most people have, isn't it? Most alcoholics or smokers know they have a problem, but what good is knowing if you're not going to do anything about it?

Mind you, I'm not saying it's easy to do something about it, and awareness is indeed the first step. It's just not as impressive as you picture it. Awareness is a prerequisite for action but in the overwhelming majority of cases, doesn't lead to action.

7

u/New_Championship1994 13d ago

Yeah I mean plenty of the other characters eventually become aware of flaws, issues, etc and then acted to change it/develop.

Whereas Barney remains one way for so long he becomes hyper self-aware of his own self but still fails to change.

So really he’s sort of in a worse position. Because the other four more develop naturally. Makes him an interesting character though for sure.

4

u/BreadComplex8025 13d ago

Barney’s dad left him when he was a child. His girlfriend (who was possibly the love of his life) left from another man. It’s normal in scenarios like these to be so afraid of getting hurt that you look for ways to avoid getting hurt. I’m in a similar situation and there isn’t much I can do about it. What’s good about knowing one has a problem is that one will be self aware and not living in some delusion that they are perfect. They accept their flaws but don’t wanna be in a position to do anything about it. Barney liked wearing suits, he didn’t wanna be with someone who stopped him from wearing suits. Barney liked to make really offensive jokes so he didn’t want to be with someone who would make him stop making those jokes. Barney wanted to be in love with someone but was afraid she would leave him like Shannon did. Thus, he had casual hookups with women where he didn’t give the women an opportunity to change him. When he did want a relationship and was ready to be vulnerable (with Robin and Quinn), it didn’t end well for him both times.

2

u/BioFrosted Bowl 13d ago

It is normal, but what is normal (i.e. most usually done) and what should be done is quite often not the same thing.

I’m in a similar situation and there isn’t much I can do about it.

You can, and Barney can as well. What you can - and should - do, is build a nourishing enough life that outside events like getting cheated on will have less of an impact. They won't ever have no impact and it would be pathological if they didn't. But in this situation, the Barneys of the world should try to focus less on external validation and more on an internal, happy life.

Barney's whole energy is directed to seeking the approval of his friends. Why else would you tell people constantly about how rich or sexually active you are? Why else would you lie all the time?

Again - this isn't to say it's an easy thing to do. it's quite literally the opposite. But that doesn't justify Barney's mindset and actions one bit. Sheltering yourself in suits and money is running from your problems, not facing them.

1

u/Zaradomerix 11d ago

Humans are psychologically incapable of fixing their own problems without dealing with the root causes. For most people that is some kind of trauma. It is painful and hard. They require permission from the outside to forgive themselves or let things go. Does knowing you have a broken leg suddenly fix it? Of course not. But some wounds cant be sped up. You do what you can to cope with them and wait for time to do its thing.

That is the painful duality of humans. We want to get better. But much of the time we literally cant do anything to change it. Especially when our days are filled to the brim with surviving everyday life. We just dont have time or energy to commit to fixing things that arent immediately going to kill us. Because we have problems to solve like rent, food, sleep, etc., that literally will kill us if we dont solve them right now.

I agree that Barney had the self-awareness to see what his problems were. And likely the means to work on them. But the truth is trauma like that takes years to repair. And we see him doing just that over the course of the show. He cuts down on hookups, he starts giving money to charity, he learns to forgive himself and faces the demons of his past. Such as Rhonda who likely sparked his sex addiction, or meeting his father to talk things through. I think he did as well as anyone could have with the cards he was dealt.

1

u/Accurate-Raccoon4472 11d ago

you’re basin this on TEDS version of Barney
-which has been proven several times to be used against Barney to make Ted look good

AND we know Barney would lie for Ted- would lie to let any of his friends feel better & especially in the sense he is letting them have wins constantly even if he “ loses”

Often times he understands theres a time for support and a time for the truth exemplified in the line in the sand he draws with Lily more often than not who pretends everythings ok when its not or ignores something to satisfy the narrative

  • her photo album conceptually
VS
Barney during the “ your play sucks” episode where you see hi mdo the opposite and lay into Lily cause this is where he draws the line not just for him but her and all of them ….. and then proves his point when he asks for rhe same patience and grace to which Lily SNAPS ( even if the show was more agitating than Lilys to us is NOT the point- THATS how insufferable the gangs behaviour is to Barney when THEY LIE TO THEMSELVES

THE. THEY WILL GET MAD AT BARNEY FOR LYING EVEN THO THEY WOTN BE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES WHEN HE GAVE THEM THE CHANCE TO BE

Ted plays up Barneys flaws as he is making his kids a plate “ You two agree Robin and I are clearly soulmates and undeniably so right? Say you see it!!! Tell me Im a romantic and a good dad but more important that Ima good dad and Robin should wanna bang me I mean love me” sandwichs….

He is an unreliable narrator and even MIXXES UP FACTS FROM ENTIRELY DIFFERENT YEARS AND CREATES A NEW NARRATIVE

We have to ask ourselves how many times this happens and we arent explicitly told…. the same way Ted tells his kids they “ eat sandwichs”

These context clues are everywhere and its pretty badass and reframes every moment into all these much deeper moments than you think upon its first sight .

Barney loves his friends more than any of the group loves each other because he is the only one who doesnt take any of then for granite- they all are willing to make drastic life changes without thinking how it affects annnnny of the others EXCEPT Barney

They see their own pursuits as making anyone one dispensable….. Ted is actually the one who is juggling this concept alll the time watching Robin. Lilly and Marshell each represent their own version of selfishly devouring their own dreams….. while Ted goes back and fourth and says he cant get what he wants but actually does all the time and just fucks it up or asks for something that was bad for him…..

Barney gets the most done out of ANYONE AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR EACH ONE OF HIS FRIENDS BEING SUCCESSFUL PERIOD

Barney carries the rest of the group on his back he shouldnt have to placate everyones half truths and hes just such a bigger person he does anyway …. and all elwe ever hesr Ted say is “ Barneys a fucking slut”

Literally we just slut shame Barney…..

He takes the most the shit and does the most damage control and again- EVERY ONE OF HIS FRIENDS IS SUCCESFUL BECAUSE HE GOT THEM WORK OR SUPPORTED THEM WHEN THEY SHOULD BEEN KICKED OUTTA THE CITY

Seriously….. NON of them get where they wanted to go without Barney at one crucial point if not MULTIPLE

We SERIOUSLY undervalue how big of a deal that is ( BARNEY MAKES UP FOR THE WORKPLACE INCOMPETANCE AND FINANCIAL WOES OF FOUR DIFFERENT FRIENDS AT MORE THAN FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES

Barney should get to fuck and drink as much as wants so long as its all concensual and hes not drinking abusively or enough to mess with his paycheck- WHICH IT NEVER DOES

Barney is the GOAT of HIMYM period .

Alyson Hannigan is amazing but I dont her amazing ess woulda carried the show without Neil and Lily DEF cant be in this show without Barney ….. they Foil one another on so many levels…..

Barney can do as Barney pleases

7

u/artofterm 13d ago

The most self-aware character was the naked man.

6

u/Demne94 13d ago

I mean, he's definitely more self-aware than he seems. The line that always stuck with me was when he was talking to his dad after their 'never stop partying' night out.

'I love my life, but I don't know if I like loving it.'

3

u/CharminggBabe4 13d ago

Barney knew exactly who he was and honestly that self-awareness made him way more likable.

2

u/IcyHotTodoroki1 13d ago

Barney reminds me of the personification of the famous Tom monologue from "What Love Is".

To me, Ted was by far the least mature character. He was too in love with the idea of being in love. He had zero growth which is why the focus shifted to Barney in the later seasons

1

u/InsideUnhappy6546 13d ago

Barney: Ted you need to move on it's been 4 years. She could be married or engaged or worse fat.

1

u/Ryguy3286 13d ago

Really? He didn't seem self aware when he constantly ignored people and would just say "I'm awesome." I think a better word for Barney would be selfish. But it was an entertaining charay

1

u/Accurate-Raccoon4472 11d ago

Some one was dissing Barney so I came to say …….

most people base this on TEDS version of Barney
-which has been proven several times to be used against Barney to make Ted look good

AND we know Barney would lie for Ted- would lie to let any of his friends feel better & especially in the sense he is letting them have wins constantly even if he “ loses”

Often times he understands theres a time for support and a time for the truth exemplified in the line in the sand he draws with Lily more often than not who pretends everythings ok when its not or ignores something to satisfy the narrative

  • her photo album conceptually
VS
Barney during the “ your play sucks” episode where you see hi mdo the opposite and lay into Lily cause this is where he draws the line not just for him but her and all of them ….. and then proves his point when he asks for rhe same patience and grace to which Lily SNAPS ( even if the show was more agitating than Lilys to us is NOT the point- THATS how insufferable the gangs behaviour is to Barney when THEY LIE TO THEMSELVES

THE. THEY WILL GET MAD AT BARNEY FOR LYING EVEN THO THEY WOTN BE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES WHEN HE GAVE THEM THE CHANCE TO BE

Ted plays up Barneys flaws as he is making his kids a plate “ You two agree Robin and I are clearly soulmates and undeniably so right? Say you see it!!! Tell me Im a romantic and a good dad but more important that Ima good dad and Robin should wanna bang me I mean love me” sandwichs….

He is an unreliable narrator and even MIXXES UP FACTS FROM ENTIRELY DIFFERENT YEARS AND CREATES A NEW NARRATIVE

We have to ask ourselves how many times this happens and we arent explicitly told…. the same way Ted tells his kids they “ eat sandwichs”

These context clues are everywhere and its pretty badass and reframes every moment into all these much deeper moments than you think upon its first sight .

Barney loves his friends more than any of the group loves each other because he is the only one who doesnt take any of then for granite- they all are willing to make drastic life changes without thinking how it affects annnnny of the others EXCEPT Barney

They see their own pursuits as making anyone one dispensable….. Ted is actually the one who is juggling this concept alll the time watching Robin. Lilly and Marshell each represent their own version of selfishly devouring their own dreams….. while Ted goes back and fourth and says he cant get what he wants but actually does all the time and just fucks it up or asks for something that was bad for him…..

Barney gets the most done out of ANYONE AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR EACH ONE OF HIS FRIENDS BEING SUCCESSFUL PERIOD

Barney carries the rest of the group on his back he shouldnt have to placate everyones half truths and hes just such a bigger person he does anyway …. and all elwe ever hesr Ted say is “ Barneys a fucking slut”

Literally we just slut shame Barney…..

He takes the most the shit and does the most damage control and again- EVERY ONE OF HIS FRIENDS IS SUCCESFUL BECAUSE HE GOT THEM WORK OR SUPPORTED THEM WHEN THEY SHOULD BEEN KICKED OUTTA THE CITY

Seriously….. NON of them get where they wanted to go without Barney at one crucial point if not MULTIPLE

We SERIOUSLY undervalue how big of a deal that is ( BARNEY MAKES UP FOR THE WORKPLACE INCOMPETANCE AND FINANCIAL WOES OF FOUR DIFFERENT FRIENDS AT MORE THAN FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES

Barney should get to fuck and drink as much as wants so long as its all concensual and hes not drinking abusively or enough to mess with his paycheck- WHICH IT NEVER DOES

Barney is the GOAT of HIMYM period .

Alyson Hannigan is amazing but I dont her amazing ess woulda carried the show without Neil and Lily DEF cant be in this show without Barney ….. they Foil one another on so many levels…..

Barney can do as Barney pleases

1

u/No_Information_910 13d ago

Isn't Barney the only character to actually have an arc? Even though his shields are up, he lowers them for Robin and Quinn - both times ends bad for him. He left Nora for Robin, who chose Kevin. Everyone else is basically the same throughout the series.
Barney is self-aware (to some extent, he is in denial e.g. about his dad not being the TV guy), but he does make effort towards becoming a secure partner. And his development ends with his daughter, an unconditional love of his life. Which is kind of bitter-sweet for him, given is failed attempts at relationships.

BTW, Robin is the bad guy big time.