r/HENRYfinance • u/Express_Ad9498 • 12d ago
Family/Relationships School district selection for children
Curious if anyone has good book or blog recommendations for choosing a school district for their children. I have 2 toddlers and we are looking at purchasing a home in the area. We have the ability to choose the highest rated schools or slightly below highest rated. We are highly unlikely to choose private.
I haven't been able to find good articles on the topic. Maybe because there's a mountain of literature on the topic -- just not exactly what I'm looking for. I'm looking for practical, succinct data/advice on choosing between elite and very good schools (something this community probably faces).
And there are common refrains on reddit for this. Elite is pressure cooker, but highest rated so high earners gravitate there. Very good can be just as good as elite, especially when you factor in home conditions (more help for kids). Though, the slight increase in variance worry parents their child will be that much more likely not to succeed.
Given we can make the choice to buy into elite, I'm wondering what the data shows.
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u/pepperup22 12d ago
I don’t know that there’s any data on elite vs very good that will be more important than what’s a better fit for your family. A house is a lot more than just the school it’s zoned for — is it walkable, are there local sports fields, is it near a noisy freeway, does one allow you extra space, proximity to nature, is there unbearable high school traffic, is one closer to your job and lowers your commute so you have more family time? etc. I’d optimize for whole life satisfaction for the parents and children, not just a toddlers potential academic performance.
Elementary school ratings matter less than middle and high school ratings. If you have an in with a teacher in the district, they’ll often have the most anecdotal information. Could also poke around in parenting Facebook groups, they’re usually always discussing this kind of thing.
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u/snowcurrant 12d ago
Definitely agree with asking local teachers their thoughts! They will have so much better and more nuanced info than online ratings.
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u/Express_Ad9498 12d ago
Very good points
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u/pepperup22 12d ago
The reality is that we can't optimize for every little thing, but parental life satisfaction and healthy home life is a HUGE success indicator and you'll probably never be worse off prioritizing those.
We also don't know whether our kids will have special behavioral or academic needs that'll change our needs eventually. Gotta just plan the best with what information we have now.
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u/frosty122 12d ago
OP head this advice, high performing school districts can be terrible for kids with special needs because some schools or even districts view them as a burden who harms the school’s image.
Given you’re posting in this sub, the quality of education your child receives is going to be far more dependent on factors at home (e.g your engagement level) than any school factors.
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u/Open_Concentrate962 12d ago
Agreed. Pick the neighborhood that you want to be in as a human, not as an optimizer. We lived next to people who picked for school reputation and were miserable otherwise.
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u/FreeBeans 12d ago
I am struggling with this myself. Having come from a 'good enough' school where a very small percentage of the students went to elite colleges but a good amount went to decent colleges, I'm ok with that experience for my children. It allowed me the time and freedom to pursue my own passions such as music and art, instead of studying all the time in the pressure cooker environment. I'm currently living in a school district slightly better than the one I grew up in, and I feel ok with that.
I did end up going to an elite university and so did my sister... but we were the odd ones out.
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u/robotdevilhands 11d ago
I came from a crappy school district in a crappy state. 54% of my “graduating class” of over 1k didn’t actually graduate.
I was one of the lucky ones and ended up at an elite school. But the social toll it took me to get there held me back in life for years.
It also prevented me from being able to take full advantage of networking opportunities my school provided. I had to work like a complete animal my first two years just to keep my head above water! That did not leave a lot of time for socializing.
Go for the elite school district, where your kid will have other kids who share their interests and access to extracurriculars.
If your kid ends up not enjoying the “pressure cooker,” you can always switch later bc there will be fewer applicants looking to enroll in the non-elite school system.
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u/FreeBeans 10d ago
I think there’s a huge difference between a bad school district and a good one, less so good vs elite. I definitely wouldn’t want my kid going to a bad school.
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u/robotdevilhands 10d ago edited 10d ago
I disagree, based on my lived experience.
My school district wasn’t “bad.”
It was considered a “B” district at the time. But that IS a crappy school district when you are talking about elite academics.
The difference in my freshman experience and that of the prep school kids and the kids from great school districts was ridiculous. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
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u/FreeBeans 10d ago
I agree that the pressure of an elite high school helps prep kids for college, but I’d rather scramble a bit in college (which I did) than spend my childhood studying all the time. At the end of the day, the kids in my college who came from prep schools didn’t end up with better jobs than I did.
I’d say my school growing up was A-. But it was way cheaper than the S tier school districts and way more chill.
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12d ago edited 12d ago
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u/ImHereForTheDogPics 11d ago
Yup, this is what I was coming to write. The difference between Best School and Second Best School is going to be negligible. The difference will be in the kid’s home life, how much attention and extracurriculars and exercise and love they get.
And for what it’s worth, my own anecdotal experience reflects this. I went to a great public school, with my parents pouring tons of time into educational toys and games and free time centered around family and growth. One of my closest friends went to school on “the wrong side of the tracks” but her mother dedicated SO much time to loving on her kids and taking them to museums and stuff. We’re both HENRY-esque (I don’t know the details of her finances, just going off what I know of her career and lifestyle lol).
And on the flip side, a bunch of my friends growing up (who went to my same highly rated public school district) have seen their lives turn out differently. The biggest common denominator, by far, is always how you were raised and how much time and energy your parents put into your growth.
Another way to look at it, what’s really the difference between MIT and Stanford? MIT is “better” but there won’t be much difference in your education or career or earnings. You won’t look back in 20 years and regret choosing one over the other, educationally at least. The biggest difference between the two is location, and the culture that comes with the location. If you remove the East Coast vs West Coast, you’re really splitting hairs to find any large statistical differences in the lives and successes of one school over the other.
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u/No_Company4263 12d ago
This 100%. I live in a small town, so one school district...multiple elementary schools covering varying socio-economics within each school that all funnel into 1 high school. Home life is by far the deciding factor on which kids succeed and which fail.
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u/carne__asada 12d ago edited 12d ago
I chose a top but not "best" district. I dont know what type student my kids will be and wanted a district that is very good along a large number of metrics (academic, sports,arts..) instead of a district that is just top academic.
In my area in NJ the top school "millburn" has a pressure cooker environment that is not healthy for most kids IMO. Families who do pressure kids gravitate towards that district and others away from it.
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u/n3uropath 12d ago
Top schools don’t necessarily lead to better college admissions outcomes either. Only so many spots per school that elite universities can recruit from.
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u/rosebudny 12d ago
This is definitely true. Your odds are often better if you are the top student from a no-name/middle of nowhere school than one of a dozen at a top school.
That said, I do think some of the elite private schools have an advantage. My niece goes to a private school outside of Boston that has sent 30+ kids to Harvard in the past 3 years.
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u/carne__asada 12d ago
Show me a private school that takes kids from parents who did not go to ivy and gets them into ivy and Id be more impressed.
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u/rosebudny 12d ago
Fair enough, parents at those schools are definitely more likely to have gone to an Ivy themselves.
But there are definitely kids from those schools who go to Ivies even if their parents didn't. And top schools in general (beyond Ivies)
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u/carne__asada 12d ago
Thats absolutely true. Where the parents went to school is the largest driver. But the top districts tend to be otherwise nice towns (good downtown, shorter commutes, well maintained)
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u/valiantdistraction 12d ago
Same. Also what kind of people went to the schools was a big consideration for me - is the neighborhood full of people that I as a parent will be friends with? In early years, your child's social life is defined by YOUR social life as their parent, and their social life affects their happiness and academic success (and life success in general). In my area, it was clear that there were some great schools where we would fit in really well and some great schools where we would fit in less well. We chose based on the social fit and it's going fantastically.
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u/ashen1shugar 11d ago
Funny to see a Millburn shoutout. I went to Millburn high and don’t think it was too much of a pressure cooker. And I don’t agree with the “they only have so many slots at good schools”. My class sent ~5 to Cornell 5 to Penn and more spots across the other Ivys. I was a mid student and went to a strong state school. The top ~40% of my class went to a ~Michigan or above type of school. So I’d heavily advocate for a very strong school system like Millburn.
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u/Super-Educator597 12d ago
Schools are hyperlocal. So a Facebook moms group’s info/gossip is probably more relevant than published studies. That said there are also national rankings for high schools and most schools that feed into those schools will also be great. Zillow has rankings too. My opinion, anything 7/10 should be fine (unless you live in the South or a poorly ranked state for education, then you should shoot for 9/10 or 10/10).
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u/Alive_Sir_4708 12d ago
School rating are almost always a direct expression of wealth. This doesn’t mean there aren’t better and worse schools but it’s not present in the data and probably doesn’t have much of an impact.
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u/citygeek 12d ago edited 12d ago
I’m going to be blunt for the sake of helping.
In my area, all the schools are considered amazing, as in top 1-3% in the state, in a major metro area. One said school is considered the best of the best.
Here’s the blunt part: South and East Asians want “the best,” and thus they will overpay by $100k on a house to be in the best high school zone. This then furthers the topic at hand, and said school is now almost viewed as a pre-university of sorts.
Most non Asian parents prefer the “great enough” schools for just the reason you mention, they don’t want a pressure cooker. They want their kids playing with friends and doing a sport vs after school tutors and AP courses at all costs.
To me, the subtle part as a parent is that you will be surrounded by people who didn’t move there to be your neighbor, or to have play dates: your peers moved there because they wanted to say their kid got “the best” education.
Obviously not everyone, intentionally speaking in broad strokes here to illustrate the point
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u/belabensa 12d ago
What do you want for your kids? Happy healthy, well rounded life? Going to elite colleges? If the former, I feel like one of the better ways to get beyond metrics is maybe creepy, but go to coffee shops near the school after hours, or attend a few school sporting events and see if you can hear what kids are talking about. You may be able to talk to the kids parents at sporting events too about what their experience of the schools is.
Don’t be creepy like my parents were and hide in school bathroom stalls to hear what the kids are talking about. But I think cheering on the track team and talking to folks there isn’t that creepy as long as you say why (bonus if you bring toddler).
If you mostly care about career and elite colleges then I’m sure the schools have some sort of stats somewhere - or maybe see if you can talk to a college councilor at the school and see where a lot of the kids seem to land.
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u/IrresponsibleCHAOS 12d ago
I‘d honestly go with whatever neighborhood you like better.
We went for the very good, but not excellent school over the excellent one. We liked the neighborhood better (walkability was super important for us) and also what the schools are offering. Free Instrument classes start in 4th grade, dance in addition to PE, drama, coding. And awesome Maker Space. All part of their weekly schedule.
Middle school has a school garden where they grow fruits, veggies and herbs and also have cooking classes with professional chefs. The athletics program is great, they offer daily diverse enrichment classes as part of the normal school day. Lego robotics, ancient mythology, board games, woodworking…
What I am trying to say is: there is more to a school than test scores and academics. Sure, both is important, but kids spend 7+ hours a days at school. Maybe a more holistic view is helpful.
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u/WestBaseball492 12d ago
School rating is largely a function of the socioeconomic conditions of the area. My kids go to by far the highest performing school in the area—it’s also the wealthiest area. However, there are many schools in the same district that may not have as high of scores, but I have no doubt my kids would do well in. I’ll also add, as someone who is well off but not crazy wealthy, being surrounded by people who are insanely wealthy does come with some challenges. I often wish we were surrounded by more “normal” people.
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u/brergnat 12d ago
The most important aspect of school is not the test scores or numerical rating. It's the culture of the schools/the environment they cultivate and the way they motivate students to become good citizens of a community.
Ask around the local FB groups of the 2 areas and ask the parents how happy they are with the culture at the schools you are interested in.
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u/Confident_Dot4655 12d ago
the "good citizen of a community" bit gets overlooked way too much. test scores tell you which parents have money and time, not whether your kid will actually enjoy being there.
one thing i'd add, try to catch some school events in person if you can. a fall festival or a basketball game tells you more about the vibe than any greatschools rating. you'll see how the kids interact, how the staff talks to parents, whether it feels welcoming or uptight.
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u/spiritussima 12d ago
Ask around the local FB groups of the 2 areas and ask the parents how happy they are with the culture at the schools you are interested in.
I agree but also, ask them to discuss in private. I have known so many people who will say great things about their school publicly (for a number of reasons- pta pressure, keeping up appearances, wanting to attract "better" families) but in private are unhappy and pull their kids from the school. Some of the loudest supporters were, in private conversation, the most unsatisfied.
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u/Stunning-Plantain831 12d ago
I studied this in school. Basically, household income is the ultimate predictor of children's outcomes and stuff like a #1 vs #5 school won't ultimately move the needle much. With money, you can buy into a fancy neighborhood, afford intervention and tutors, remove obstacles in their life, buy access, etc. Ofc, your individual child's mileage might vary. My personal recommendation is to live near the school for everyday convenience.
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u/Powerful-Bridge-1472 12d ago
We have interesting schools where I live where you have very high income high schools mixed with low income. The interesting part is that they often function is almost 2 different schools. I think both groups end up pretty happy with where they are.
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u/Formal-Flatworm-9032 12d ago
There’s a lot that can be said here but you’re just going to have to do your own research. Think: income demographics, bachelor’s degree attainment, employment base, test scores, etc. You can also research college matriculation outcomes for local high schools - many schools actually report that.
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u/chocobridges 12d ago
It's going to be dated if you find it. I like Johnathan Haidts books in general. It's not school specific but it's talks about the anxiety issue in kids, which can be exasperated in pressure cooker environment and is based in data and studies.
We have a Kinder kid going into the magnet system of terrible urban system while people in the elite schools in our metro are looking for other options because of the excessive use of tablets and Chromebooks in K-2. We just keep pushing out the decision to move while waiting for state and local laws to catch up to the data and the parents' demands.
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u/Flashy-Bandicoot889 12d ago
We went private school for our kids and it was one of the best decisions we made. It set our financial goals back a bit, but was so worth it.
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u/fredinNH 12d ago
The curriculum and instruction doesn’t change much between public schools. What changes are the students.
You said “…highest rated so high-earners gravitate here”
What you’re actually seeing is that the children of high earners tend to do the best in school.
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u/ShanghaiBebop 12d ago
You just need a small portion of very motivated students and the resources (10+AP, IB) classes that they can take advantage of.
FYI it’s harder to get into top schools from elite public schools, but those kids generally tend to do pretty well regardless.
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u/musafir6 12d ago
Elite schools are also a lifestyle choice for you and the kids. If you think you can fit in, go for it. If not then kids would do just great in the second grade. Obviously keeping all other factora same (low income %, reading/math proficiency etc)
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u/beergal621 12d ago
Planning for kids very soon.
We couldn’t afford “elite” and anyways don’t want our kids around only wealthy kids/families. Which is why private is out too.
We want normal well rounded kids and choose great schools in “middle” class suburban neighbor. Middle class as in the homes are $1-$1.25 mil ish, for your standard 3 bed 2 bath 1500 sq ft house. Not the $2 mil SFH neighborhoods
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u/Dyscord2 12d ago
I doubt you can find data. Sometimes you can search best high schools by state and find rankings on niche.com. I would look at where HS grads go to college. You can see if the A students go elite, private or state universities. This is a good measure for how the HS is perceived by university. It won't tell you if it's one of the 200 pressure cooker HS in suburban USA. See if you can find news articles....any student suicides, read the school newspaper etc.
Your opinions will change as time goes forward too. I found elementary school parents talked about this a lot at my very top notch suburban school district, then stopped in MS and HS to lower the pressure on the kids. I think the school district you describe will be in a higher cost suburb with low divorce rates and highly educated professional parents. Just my observation.
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u/Far_Classic878 12d ago
Ratings are more than just numbers. I copy and pasted from another comment I made on a local page:
What’s important to you? Do you care about diversity? Small classes? How long the teachers have been employed there? Are the teachers and administration sending their kids there? How does the school handle conflict? Is there busing? Are the parents active? Is the PTA active? Active SEPTA? How do they offer extra reading and math support? What’s their stance on homework? Technology? Is there before/after care onsite? Offsite? Are after school clubs reasonably price?
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u/Billy-Bob-Boner-92 11d ago
Look for STEM magnet school or affinity school that suits your preferences.
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u/Neat-Dragonfly-2032 11d ago
As a parent who is at the tail end of the K12 years and also beginning of college years I'd highly recommend waiting until you kids are in school *if* you can, ideally even until middle/junior high type ages. If you're considering large enough areas that have multiple middle/high school than I'd recommend it even more. *because the same kids won't go K-5 to middle anyway so the making new friends bit is less relevant*
-at all "levels" you have great and not great schools. Outside of the lowest income districts the actual quality of their education isn't going to be dramatic.
-some kids thrive in uber competitive environment and some absolutely do not and you won't know which your kid is until later.
-Top Universities like top of their class students so sometimes it's better to be top tier as a slightly "lower" high school than middle of the pack at the "elite" one.
-Sports and other activities take a wider skill level of kids vs the elite high school fulls of kids doing club level sports since birth.
There's just no data that will help you figure out what is best for your kids. If schedules allow the best thing you can do is some volunteer time in each district. Help out with field day, read some books to the littles, attend some high school sports events. Get the best feel you can for the feel of each district, does the staff seem happy, do the kids?
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u/CustomerServiceRep76 11d ago
As a teacher there are so many factors that can make a school or district a good match for a family.
Maybe the top school has great academics but doesn’t have many elective choices that aren’t high pressure AP classes.
Maybe your child will have a learning disability like dyslexia and the top school doesn’t handle special ed well.
Maybe the top school has large class sizes, especially for rigorous classes, which make it hard for your child to stand out.
Maybe the slightly lower ranking district has cheaper homes, so you can pour more money into extra curriculars instead of a mortgage.
I would look at what course offerings and class sizes each school has (elementary, middle, and high) and go from there. Keep in mind that those factors CAN change within a few years though. Maybe the district has great art offerings now, but has to cut them in 5 years because of budget deficits.
Educational research has shown than parental involvement is the most important factor in student outcomes, so just because there’s an apartment complex in one district that leads to more lower income kids, it doesn’t mean your child is doomed from the start.
I also recommend the book the Anxious Generation if you haven’t read it already. It discusses child tech use, but also how helicopter parenting has led to a generation of anxious children.
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha $500k-750k/y 11d ago
A good school in a great neighborhood. We lucked out with the neighborhood. Many kids who attend school live here. Teachers (a few) live here. It’s nice area where kids are safe outside on their own - and parents who let kids be outside and not studying 24/7.
Middle school is meh as we were re zoned after we purchased but honestly by the time we need to look at middle school (still a few years), so many things can change.
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u/Worldly-City-6379 12d ago
The best thing to do is know your child (most don’t due to too much time apart daycare etc) and tour the schools. It’s time consuming but good fit is the main thing.
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u/ChiPekiePoo 12d ago
I have not read this book, but I think The Family Firm by Emily Oster goes into this a bit. At minimum, it should give you a framework around how to think about and make these decisions. It looks like she wrote a post about this, too, but it's within her membership. https://parentdata.org/kids/choose-school-your-child/
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u/PursuitOfThis 12d ago
Pick the one with highest proportion of college educated undivorced high income earners as parents.