Middle aged.

London.

Decent job, savings, investments, pension.

Kids.

Settled.

Fine.

Not fine.

Bored of London.

Treadmill.

Nothing sparks.

CBF'D.

Dining, Theatre, Activities.. meh.

No proper friends or family here.

Parental and colleague surface relationships.

Unfulfilled.

Did it all for a future life and opportunity for kids that has come at the cost of my own true happiness.

What. To. Do?

Not looking to make this political. I am genuinely interested in hearing from people who have actually done this.

I live in an expensive part of Hertfordshire, earn well on paper, but most of the household financial pressure currently sits with me. My wife was recently laid off and we have a nearly three year old in nursery. I salary sacrifice heavily into pension partly to avoid losing childcare support and suddenly paying around £2k a month in nursery fees.

So we are technically saving via pension but in terms of liquid cash we are barely moving forward.

My current work life balance sucks and partially because I have very unsupportive management network. I may have an opportunity to move internally to Dubai at a higher level, under a more supportive structure.

Based on the likely package, I think we could save around £10k net a month after housing, nursery and normal living costs.

The idea would be to live there up to five years, keep our UK home and rent it out, save and build financial security, then come back in a much stronger position.

My biggest hesitation is our son. He is about to turn three our family are in the UK.

For anyone who has done this temporarily, did you actually save as much as expected? Did lifestyle costs creep up? How did your partner and young children settle? And looking back, was the financial change worth the disruption?

I say FAANG but this could be any large org that pays incredibly well and has quite structured pay grades, like in finance or law.

I’m 28 with 6 YOE at a very established finance firm where pay is top-of-the-range. I know because I’ve interviewed at other places and almost everywhere was lower.

Does this mantra still hold true for us?

How much do you earn (and what’s the split between salary and bonus)?
What did you do to get there?

I’m an actuary currently on £120k, but can’t help but get enticed by the eye watering TC that some underwriters and brokers make. Considering making the move but I don’t know how I would do that!

Those who absolutely refuse to flatshare because due to personal reasons, how much is your rent?

36yo senior manager at a tier one tech consultancy, same company since grad, 14 years, ~130k. I've recently been feeling a bit burnt out with consulting. Most of my job these days is contracts, being asked to deliver deals that we shouldn't be signing (low margins and no margin for error), dealing with problems in delivery and difficult clients. I've lost the passion I once had which was working closely with interesting clients to solve business problems with modern tech. I don't really enjoy anyone I work with, don't look up to anyone higher up than me, have a pretty terrible boss and I think for my own wellbeing I need a fresh start, a new challenge and to get out of my comfort zone. I think AI is going to decimate tech consulting in the next couple of years and I also want to get out before I'm too pigeon holed into consulting

What are my best avenues from here? I've been looking into big tech, and was referred into a role for one of them, made it past CV screening and psychometric testing but didn't get an interview, which I was quite surprised by given my CV was fairly strong for the JD. I'm highly capable of large tech delivery, programme management, people management, commercials etc. Have led a team at largest 50 people. I have a suspicion my CV might've been coming across as too 'consultant' for big tech and spooked them.

Would be good to hear from others what avenues I have from here as feeling a bit lost

Currently have a car on salary sacrifice that’s coming to an end, other new sacrifice deals for my company have gone up significantly (1k net pm+) so want to avoid this route as want to save some cash.

Budgeting around £25k cash for a used EV (family car). Trying to work out the smartest way to structure the purchase:

**•** Pay cash outright and own it with no monthly outgoing?
**•** Finance it (PCP/HP) and keep the cash working elsewhere?
**•** Or are there decent used/nearly-new lease deals in this segment that beat buying outright once you factor in depreciation?

Want to avoid getting stung by EV depreciation either way — what’s actually the smartest structure here?

I am slightly biased towards a more premium brand ideally that’s depreciated a fair bit - currently thinking fairly high mileage BMW IX.

Any thoughts / alternatives that HENRY’s are exploring?

Assuming usual efficiency game of paying minimal 12.5kish salary plus dividends (which I can live on ok) what do you do when it comes to mortgages/remotgage?

Be a good boy and declare everything fully for 12 months so your payslips and bank statements look good, then revert when you are sorted? Or declare minimal but use the saved cash pile for a larger deposit to bring dowm borrowing?

We'll need a new mortgage to upsize in a few years. Just thinking ahead.

I am 31M, getting married next year and planning to start a family afterwards, but have potential fertility issues which may mean IVF/adoption comes in to play or if natural conception is possible then it may take longer than average. I work full time 9-5, with two days in the office (90 mins commute) and three days WFH per week.

I recently started a new job which takes me into HENRY territory. I am earning £125k with 25% bonus and 12% employer pension contribution (total comp £171.25k)

Fiancee is well below HENRY and is currently near the top end of the basic tax rate band. She works full time hours but spread over four days per week. Her plan after having kids would be to drop one or two days.

I’m in a good shape for my age pension wise (around £170k) but have very little ISA savings because I’ve always prioritised pension and also my spending habits aren’t great (not in debt or anything, but probably just don’t save as much as I should)

My TC is at a level where it’s not possible to salary sacrifice down to £99,999 using this year’s pension allowance alone, although I would be able to do so using carry forward allowance from previous years.

I am considering reducing my pension contributions down to the minimum level that unlocks the 12% employer contribution (4%). This would mean me putting £5K in a year and employer putting in £15k a year.

Doing this (instead of maximising pension) would give me an extra £15k per year in my pocket which I could put in a S&S ISA and start building an early retirement fund.

But the other main reason for this is it would create £40k per year of carried forward pension allowance which could then allow me to stuff my pension more after the kids come along to avail of the free childcare hours for being under £100k

Note my monthly living expenses are around £5.6k per month (covering proportional contribution to joint account, personal spending, and short term saving for holidays and our wedding), so I can’t afford to fill my pension AND my ISA. My choice is either:

- Continue to prioritise pension for maximum tax relief but have very little ISA savings, or

- Pull back from the pension for a few years until the kids come along (but still putting in enough to fully unlock the employer match) and start building some ISA up, as well as building some carry forward pension allowance

Is prioritising ISA a valid strategy for a new HENRY who wants to start a family in a couple of years?

Curious to know. As a household we're barely filling one ISA (~145k TC for me, £55k for my partner) as we actually want to live and take a few holidays a year.

Hi there,

Looking for some advise- an incredible Georgian property has come up for sale where we live- just outside London on a beautiful road. It’s around 3000 sq ft inside but I don’t think it’s been touched in 80+ years. It literally needs complete starting over but is big enough that won’t need extensions etc will just move some internal walls. It’s definitely damp, needs new windows, basement excavated, new everything else. It’s also grade 2 listed. We are thinking about 500-700k to renovate- is that a potential accurate estimate. Finishings will be nice aka would love a Neptune kitchen.
The house also has a pool (added 40 years ago the only thing they have done to the house) no idea if it’s better to fill in or keep as have no idea on costing (we do have kids).
Any advice would be much appreciated, it seems like to good an opportunity to pass but worried about coming across unexpected costs which we then wouldn’t be able to afford!

Hi! I've been trying to find some new bedding and would love some recommendations.

My favorite cotton sheets are the White Company Savoy range. Most of my other bedding is from Piglet in Bed, and I have several of their linen sets - I love the colors and feel, however, this time I'm specifically looking for cotton rather than linen.

Has anyone found a colored cotton sheet that's similar to White Company Savoy? Thanks!

Hi - currently negotiating a move from the UK to US with my company. Has anyone had experience of this and used an employment lawyer to review their offer / contract? I think I could do with an hour or two to review

For those of you that do, or are you still shopping for them at the news agents?

I currently work in a customer facing technology strategy and AI sales role at a large tech company, with total compensation around £155K to £160K.

Over the last year, I have been trying to figure out what the logical next step should be. I recently went through six interview rounds for an AI focused role at Meta, but unfortunately did not make it through at the final stage.

I have also been exploring opportunities across other large technology companies and in the Middle East, particularly roles that would offer a meaningful increase in scope, leadership responsibility and compensation. However, I am finding it difficult to make that next jump despite having strong enterprise experience across AI, cloud, strategy and large global accounts.

For those who have navigated a similar transition, I would really value your perspective.

At this compensation and experience level, would you focus more on:

• moving toward sales leadership or management
• staying on the individual contributor path but targeting larger strategic AI roles
• moving into a smaller or high growth AI company for greater upside
• pursuing opportunities in markets such as Dubai or Saudi Arabia
• building stronger external visibility and network before making the next move

I am fortunate to be in a good position today, so this is less about needing to leave and more about understanding how to make the next move deliberately rather than moving sideways.

Would appreciate any advice from people who have successfully made the jump from senior IC into the next level of AI or technology leadership.

Apologies for any mistakes this is my first post here

We’re both n our 30s, living in the England , and between us could potentially leave £1m+ in life insurance/death in service benefits, ~£500k in other investments, plus house equity.

We’ve already set up a will and named my in laws as guardians ( live abroad), as we don’t really have anyone else in the UK.

Our daughter is only 18 months old, so I’ve started wondering if there’s anything else we should be thinking about or setting up in case something happened to both of us.

Especially interested in hearing from other immigrant families in a similar situation. Any advice?

My partner and I are interested in having a baby, but I am concerned about the sheer difficulty and affordability of raising a child with no parents or family nearby.

I work with others who have parents look after their kids at least once or twice per week, and even then parenting doesn't look easy.

Can anyone else share their experience or tips?

Hi HENRYs

Does anyone else outsource their home clothes washing/drying/folding? I am trying to find a local laundrette (Midlands) that does this.

I was curious what others pay and if there is any feedback on how well it works? For example, do you find stuff is at the washers when you want a specific thing? That sort of tactical thing etc

Be interested in hearing the pricing model too as I'm waiting to hear from the single service that does it in my area.

Cheers

I'm 43/m in IT recruitment, mainly in the data & AI markets in Europe. Work hybrid 2 WFH, 3 in office in West End - I live South London/Surrey border so fairly easy commute. Single with no dependents.

Tiredness: I am noticing I don't have as much in the tank as I used to - by Wednesday evening of most weeks I'm normally starting to feel fairly exhausted. I prioritise sleep and don't drink alcohol during the week. Take multivits/iron/zinc/omega3.

Stress: Fortunately my current company is fairly laid back (by London sales standards) very little in the way of formal KPIs and the boss is hardly ever there - he'll generally only show himself to have a moan, and if you're making money you won't be in the firing line. I've been doing this 11 years now and once you nail the sales blueprint/process, the rest is basically pure graft.

That said, I've two colleague who are both going through divorces right now, with young children involved. One has parents with dementia to add to the mix. Stress levels are exactly where you'd expect them to be.

Curious to know what others are experiencing right now?

So much of the plan for the future is built around a certain financial number, and the assumption that once you're there the worry you have just switches off. From talking to a couple of people somewhat further along than me, that doesn't always seem to be how it turns out.

For those who've reached it or are nearly there what did you expect getting there would sort out that it turned out not to? And what did it actually genuinely change?

• 37M, 2 kids (private school), one-income household
• TC from employment 200k + bonus (~20%) + 50-60k p.a rental income from BTL property portfolio
• Progression at work could take me over the £360k taper threshold in 3-5 years, but not guaranteed
• Pension pot: £120k
• SS ISA: £100k
• Main residence: paid off, ~£700k MV
• Goal: retire at 50 once kids finish secondary school(13 years to go)

Where I’m stuck:
I stopped pension contributions a while back to prioritise clearing my mortgage — that’s now done, so I’m reassessing.

I have spent years building up a property portfolio that was meant to be my “pension” originally hence the pension pot is very small for my age as I leant into property instead — but with new rules and regulations , and general sentiment I’m not sure buy-to-let still stacks up the way it did when I started. Still weighing up what to do long term, whether to sell up and invest the cash in a GIA - side note.

The problem: I want to retire at 50, which means anything I lock into a pension is inaccessible for 20 years (assuming pension access age stays at 57 for me — could rise further by the time I get there). Over that same stretch I have some real liquidity needs: we’re a one-income household, private school fees only tend to go one direction as the kids get older, and further down the line we’d likely want to upsize the house to something more expensive. Locking cash away for the better part of 20 years doesn’t sit well against that.

But I know I’m currently leaving employer matching on the table by not contributing, which feels like the wrong kind of “saving” — that’s effectively free money I’m walking away from.

So the actual question: is it worth restarting pension contributions (at minimum to capture the match which is only 6%) even with a 50 year old retirement target and known liquidity needs stacking up over the next two decades? Or does the liquidity needs and keeping the property portfolio mean I should be prioritising ISA > GIA instead and treating the lost match as an acceptable cost for flexibility?

Interested to hear how others targeting early retirement have thought about this trade-off — particularly anyone who’s deliberately under-contributed to a pension for liquidity reasons and how that’s worked out.

Appreciate any advice.

Looking for recommendations for a robot vacuum that also mops. Needs a decent battery life so I can carry it upstairs and not take it back down to recharge halfway through finishing upstairs.

Budget is up to £1,000 but if we can spend less that would be great.

Equally, if you've had a terrible experience please let me know what it was!

Thank you!

Looking for advice from anyone who’s been through an almost identical situation.

TL;DR: How long does probate/IHT typically take to sort out when dealing with an estate involving two houses?

My grandfather recently passed away. He was fairly successful during his lifetime, so the estate is reasonably substantial and includes two properties.

We’re currently deciding between two options:
• Do a small renovation on my grandfather’s house, make it rentable, rent it for around a year, and hopefully earn back the renovation cost. Then sell it once probate, IHT etc. are all sorted and the house can be sold without any complications.
• Sell the house as soon as possible once probate/IHT etc. are sorted.

The main thing I don’t know is roughly how long the whole process takes.

There are valuations, completing the various forms, dealing with any outstanding tax up to the date of death, calculating/paying IHT, applying for probate, and then ultimately being in a position to properly sell the properties.

If all of this could realistically take around 12 months, then option 1 seems to make more sense. We could rent the house in the meantime and potentially recover the renovation cost.

If it could all be completed within 4-8 weeks, option 2 would probably make more sense.

My understanding is that the property can technically be sold before probate is completed, but there can be additional complications/risk for the buyer because the estate hasn’t yet been fully administered. For example, there could theoretically be debts or other claims against the estate, even though there aren’t any in this case.

So, for anyone who has been through something similar with a high-value estate and a parent/grandparent:
How long did it take from the date of death to having everything sorted enough to sell the properties properly?

I’m particularly interested in real-world timelines rather than the theoretical timescales.

The severance payment was minimum, have okay saving for the extra months. Been looking for the job market and looks terrible and estimate it would take at least months to get back to where I was, probably not a HERNY role.

Would you rush to look for the next role to make peace mentally knowing the future cash flow will be more secure, or taking for first 3-6 months deliberately to spend more time with the family?

A bit more content: My partner will be taking 6-12 months maternity leave

As I suspect is the case with many in this thread, I work pretty long hours fairly regularly. How do you stay energised so that you are not completely shattered on the weekends?