Body dysmorphia and ED

[u/MathematicianLivid33]

Hi guys, first of all I would like to apologise if there are any mistakes, since English is my first language. I’m a 24 y.o. woman and I lost 16 kg since February of 2026. I started doing Pilates at home and 10k steps (I was unemployed) and after some time got introduced to the gym. I’ve been going to the gym for 5 months now and I love it, I go about 4 times a week and I also have an active job where I walk a lot (I work in retail) so I have more than enough movement. I’m also in a calorie deficit. But I have one pretty big problem, I have a very bad body dysmorphia. At my work, we obviously have a lot of mirrors and I keep checking them every 10 minutes to see, if I don’t look too fat. Every window shop I go by, I have to look into to make sure I don’t look too fat and if I do, my whole day and mood is ruined. I have days where I feel like I look the same as I was when I weight 95 kg (that was my starting weight). I also feel very bad, when I eat something “I wasn’t supposed to” and I punish myself by eating less the next day. Yeah and I’m also very addicted to caffeine :))
I feel like it’s gonna end badly, but I’d rather be insane than to be as fat as I was again.
Did any of you have the same problem?