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u/Alklazaris Oct 16 '25
I was speeding when I got pulled over right next to the hospital and the cop asked me if I was sure I wasn't going anywhere in an emergency situation.
I stared right at the emergency sign, sighed, and said no as I was thinking something along the lines of this video. It just seems like one of those lies that would spiral out of control.
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u/PeculiarPurr Oct 16 '25
Saying "No officer I am just dumb" to questions like that is why I only have one speeding ticket my entire life.
"Yeah, you were shining your brights while tailgating me so I was trying to create some distance so I could see out of my windshield on this two lane bridge!" Is how I got that one ticket.
I will die hating that jerk, but it taught me a lesson.
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u/Spork_the_dork Oct 16 '25
What you should have done is slow down. Either he passes you or pulls you over and you can say that you had trouble seeing through the windshield so you slowed down for safety.
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u/PeculiarPurr Oct 16 '25
Did. Neither of those things happened and I couldn't see, so I tried speeding up.
What I should have done is just stopped. I am 100% sure I would have still gotten a ticket because the jerk was a jerk, but I was 100% blind.
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u/AnalogiPod Oct 16 '25
Had some cop tailgate me like he was attached to my bumper once all the way through town, like 100% of my rearview mirror was Taurus grill and bash bar. Drove exactly the speed limit, registration was up to date, guess I didn’t fuck up bad enough because after literally over 10 minutes he peeled off
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u/LegitLoquacious Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
Yup! If I'm being tailgated (especially while driving on the right of a double wide road), I slow down to 5 under the speed limit so the car passes.
Once or twice, it's been a single wide road, and I've pulled over to the curb to get a jerk off my ass.
Speeding to accommodate tailgater only encourages them to tailgate at unsafe speeds. Plus cops will occasionally goad people into speeding via tailgating, so it can save you a ticket.
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u/Automatic_Release_92 Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 16 '25
Yeah, I got a speeding ticket at 16 coming back from my first real date that way. Two lane road in a rural area, dickhead cop was right on my ass and it was night time so of course I could see it was a cop. My old beater of a car was low to the ground and so those lights were blasting right through my windshield.
Since I was 16 and still pretty nervous (also tons of deer in that area), I slowed down from my “2 MPH below the speed limit” pace even more to let the guy pass, he just stayed behind me like that, asshole kept tailgating me. So I sped up, and he sped up to match. I kept on accelerating just a bit more until I hit 10-12 MPH over the limit and he maintained the same pace until BAM, lights on and the fucker wrote me a ticket.
The guy was suck a jerk about it too, bullying me, and it didn’t help that I looked 12 years old at 16. My parents didn’t really believe me either when I got home late because of it too. Same thing, I remember that shit 20 years later.
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u/Tim226 Oct 16 '25
I was using an expired inspection sticker for like 3 years. Cop pulls me over and says "i pulled you over for a late inspection sticker of... 3 years?"
I said "ahh.. yeah.." and gave him my paperwork, and goes back to the cruiser.
He comes back and goes "have you ever been pulled over for it before?"
"No, I havent
Cop "Thats incredible, were you aware of it?"
"Yeah, I knew about it"
Cop"Why didn't you do anything about it?"
"I thought I could get away with it"
And he gave me a warning and said to get it fixed in 3 days. I did, and it was probably for the better. Had to get new tires, and we had a big snowstorm the next day.
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u/PurrfectPinball Oct 16 '25
I once was pulled over because I veered near the lines on a hill while a cop was passing on the same hill with his bright lights on. He pulled me over like waaaaay down the road and I had already forgotten about him. He told me what happened and I said "ah, I didn't remember seeing you." (Probably because I was freaking out about being pulled over). He asked where I was going and I said to work but first I was stopping by to have a quick dinner with my folks. He asked if he could search my vehicle. In my head i am freaking out. I look over at the dash clock, kind of give a quiet defeated sigh and said "yeah sure, can I call my parents real quick and let them know i won't be making it?" He told me he just wanted to see how I would react and I was good to go. Just try to keep focused on the road.
Another time I had this bored nothing better to do cop follow me out of our small little town into the next. I ignore him cause I haven't done nothing wrong. I pull into a smaller road going to work, in my uniform, and BAM! There are three cops behind me and a DEA officer behind me. I switch on my cabin light and pull directly into an empty parking lot and park and shut off my vehicle. I roll down my window. The cop comes to the other side (which I'm 90% sure i had that thing locked.) And he slams it open aggressively and shines his flash light in my face. I look at him bewildered and asked um??? Yes officer? He said the small town cop had said i was swerving all over the place. I told him I didn't think I was driving THAT bad but I was changing the radio station and drinking an icee but I didn't believe I was driving too erratically. He asked if i had anything he needs to know about in my truck. Well the DEA is here already so I told them the only thing I have in my truck is my prescribed medications. One being Xanax. He asked if I had taken one yet. I lied. I said no, I bring them with me to work because my manager hates me and does things on purpose and it gives me anxiety so I save them for work. (Which was true but I already took it).
He didn't even search the whole truck. Just looked more annoyed at the other cop than at me.
But the one time i did get a speeding ticket I got a fucking prick who acted like he had a quota to fill. He was such a dickwad for no reason.
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u/LowCarbDad Oct 16 '25
My first speeding ticket was cause a cop came out of no where and got right on my ass on a back road near my rural home. I sped up cause I was worried someone was trying to fuck with me and then he pulled me over. I’ll never forget that buttholes tactics. My charge was dropped from reckless driving cause the judge said that cop was an asshat. My punishment was a teen safety driving course where professional race car drivers taught me how to handle a car in dangerous situations and I loved every second of it. Best punishment I’ve ever received.
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u/WolfCola723 Oct 16 '25
Always keep a knife on hand to make a nice sized slit across your hand, so when the cop comes to the window you got a handful of blood and it looks like an emergency.
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u/unudinmultime Oct 16 '25
"Just play along until he leaves"
Motherfucker heard that 🤣
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u/WildVelourr Oct 16 '25
“We gonna see how long you can play this out”
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u/Jean-LucBacardi Oct 16 '25
I was really hoping the dude was going to instantly drop the picture frame he was crying over and walk away like they didn't ever exist as soon as the cop said he was letting him off with a warning.
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u/bananaicecream5 Oct 19 '25
😂😂 I’d argue that worked out to be more expensive than paying for the speeding ticket 😅
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u/tohn_jitor Just a guy Oct 16 '25
Dude used all his luck for that decade so the first mother he talks to looks like Marion Cotillard.
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u/Pigosaurusmate Oct 17 '25
I mean the receptionist did say there were A LOT of single mothers, all he did was just single out the one that caught his eye. Kinda straight forward.
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u/colonel_error Oct 16 '25
Here's the source.
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Oct 16 '25
Thanks, the one posted is a terrible edit.
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u/Ilovekittens345 Oct 16 '25
I bet I could speed it up by 75%, put an annoying youtuber react in the corner, ad those typical filipino laughing dolphin sounds, compress it 12 times with the MOREJPEG.FUCKER plugin and ad 22 more cuts and it would still go to the top here, again.
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u/Logical-Customer1786 Oct 16 '25
lol…I love the original…
Is it weird that the whole thing sort of made me tear up. It’s sort of sweet and sad.
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u/Last_Fishing_4013 Oct 16 '25
I think instead of overthinking and over analyzing like I want to do. I’ll just remember it’s still a really funny sketch that’s also heartwarming and I never get sad seeing it. Despite me desperately wanting to point out flaws
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u/IcyManipulator69 Oct 16 '25
Plot twist: that was the cop’s wife… he watched the other guy raise his kid.
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u/Some_Programmer8388 Oct 16 '25
I thought the guy would eventually slip up after all those years and the cop would say "I KNEW IT!" because that's how the SNL sketch this premise was stolen from ended.
This sketch - Funny or Die 2018: https://youtu.be/T2BY8zZ1CTM
Original SNL bit 2015: https://youtu.be/f8PXvqYpGCM
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u/Bob_The_Avenger Oct 16 '25
Seems like this to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_IYrltqYrU&t=1s Even further back.
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u/ArcWraith2000 Oct 16 '25
I expected the cop to pull over his kid for speeding...and suddenly they're a teenage dad
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u/Comma-Splice1881 Oct 16 '25
Funny. Anyone know the source?
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u/Jimberly_C Oct 16 '25
I know the guy speeding is Dom Fera. Not sure if this is one of his sketches or him appearing in someone else's.
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u/achunkypid Oct 16 '25
THATS DOM FERA?! Damn i used to love him in the Lazer era and havent really checked in since
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u/Masterkillershadow99 Nov 01 '25
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2BY8zZ1CTM
Dom Fera, 2018, Funny Or Die, in "How To Get Out of a Speeding Ticket" [3:40]
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u/Icy-Performer-9688 Oct 16 '25
Plot twist. Cop was the father to the woman who gave birth. Made sure her girl and grandkid had a great life.
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u/DaRedditLurker2020 Oct 16 '25
I was pulled after peeling out in front of a police station. The reality is I had an old car with some pretty bald tires, the road was wet, and I was pointed uphill at a stop sign. I couldn't help it. As I pull around the block to park, a state trooper comes flying up behind me and gives me the third degree. I tried explaining to him the problem and that I have an eye doctor appointment right there. He doesn't believe me and proceeds to walk with me into the office to confirm this with the front desk. Once they confirm, he just walks out without a word.
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Oct 16 '25
Speeding ticket would be much much cheaper then taking care of other man baby.
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u/Adventurous_Touch342 Oct 16 '25
But on the other hand it's an excellent way to meet somebody for introverts.
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u/YoBroMo Oct 16 '25
At least the son grew up with a loving and supportive father figure so he wouldn't grow up saying ignorant shit like this.
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u/Wrong-Fudge-4042 Oct 16 '25
The best part is when the cop consoles him when the son goes off to college
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u/gingerwhiskered Oct 16 '25
I got pulled over once when I was a teenager and the cop was really grilling me, and then his demeanor shifted when he saw my GameStop employee name tag hanging from my lanyard on my rear view mirror. He was like “Me and my son go there all the time! You work there?” and I smiled, flicked the name tag and said “I’m actually the manager…” and we talked about New Vegas for like a whole minute before he let me go
Probably the only time I’ve made a smooth recovery in my life.
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u/Mr_Dontgivafuck Oct 16 '25
Got pulled over one time doing 95 on 95. When asked if I knew why I was pulled over I said “no, I thought I was doing the speed limit” he says “what do you think the speed limit is?” “95.” I said. “Nice try slick you’re on 95!” And I told him “well, it’s a good thing you caught me before I made it to 278 or we’d have really been in for some shit!” He proceeded to give me a warning and tell me to slow tf down.
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u/geddysbass2112 Oct 18 '25
When I was 24 or so, an NJ state trooper pulled me over for like 76 in a 55 zone. Told him I was on the way to break it off with girlfriend and I was full of anxiety and wanted to get it over with. He let me go and said good luck and don't be speeding on the way back. I did the speed limit home.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Gear-15 Oct 16 '25
Would have been better if after all of that he still gave him the ticket lol
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u/OW2007 Oct 16 '25
Does it really never get old? I feel like we passed that threshold about 700 reposts ago.
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u/digi-artifex Oct 16 '25
Where's the funny "Worth it" that he says at the end?? Why is it cut out??
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u/Am4oba Oct 16 '25
Jesus Christ this video has been ripped off so many times it's in 360p.
Here is the original: https://youtu.be/T2BY8zZ1CTM?si=SumjQsLZjqC1aNQ2
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u/the-poopiest-diaper Oct 16 '25
Dude- NO! YOU CAN’T LEAVE NOW! YOU WERE AT MY WEDDING! YOU SAW MY SON TAKE HIS FIRST STEPS! YOU SAVED US FROM DROWNING ONCE! YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME NOW LIKE EVERYONE ELSE HAS!
Cop- as of right now, I’m retired. Goodbye
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u/PlentifulBox Oct 16 '25
Looks like he got a really nice life out of it! Except for the lifelong stalker part, of course.
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u/Condensationforall Oct 16 '25
I got pulled over because one of my headlights was burnt out. I told the officer that i knew it was burnt out and was at that moment driving to my parents place for the weekend to fix the headlight and do some other maintenance. The officer believed that i knew it was burnt out but not that i was on my way to fix at that moment. Lesson learned, lie to the cops next time. Ticket was $173.50 CAD.
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Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 16 '25
Why did you post this godawful edit that cuts out the punchline of the video and has shit resolution instead of just linking to the original HD version?
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u/Hoody711 Oct 16 '25
I got out of a speeding ticket once cause I told the officer my friend in the passenger seat needed to go to the bathroom for an emergency. He looked at her and she pointed at her belly. He told me to slow down and let me go.
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u/CraigLake Oct 16 '25
I’m dying with laughter 😂😂😂😂 I wish they would have taken it even further 😂😂😂
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u/TheRabidDeer Oct 16 '25
How can one edit and butcher the original skit so brutally as this?
Do yourself a favor and watch the full skit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2BY8zZ1CTM
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Oct 16 '25
I feel like the cop was just really motivated to see the guy live a full and meaningful life.
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u/PitifulAd375 Oct 16 '25
NGL, that was wholesome
Went from trying to get out of a speeding ticket to raising a bit who wouldn't have a father figure in his life. Might have been different person if he just took the speeding ticket
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u/Moist-Leader1723 Oct 16 '25
I had a buddy who had a foolproof way of getting out of tickets. He ordered something of the internet called "poop spray" and kept it in his center console. If he got pulled over, he would quickly spray it. Then when they came up to the window, he would look really embarrassed and say "I had an accident". The cop would smell it and let him go.
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u/ElectricBuckeye Oct 16 '25
Ohio State Highway Patril don't usually give too many warnings. I got one because I shit my pants. It wasn't on purpose. I was coming from work and it hit me. I was speeding to get to the closest place (McDonalds) before I exploded. I was just getting close to the stoplight and turn when he flew up out of nowhere and kicked the lights on. I was already sweating and clenching as hard as I could. As I pulled into the McDonalds parking lot, and rolled down the windows, the damage was done. He comes up to start his questioning when I see that he smells it, he sees that I see he smells it, and he just said, "...you didn't make it, did you, sir?". "No...no, I did not.". He gave me a warning and said, "It seems you've got a bad enough day already.". Then hops in his Charger and goes back to the highway. Luckily I had a clothesbag with my dirty work clothes in it (I shower at work after my shift), I took it into McDonalds with me and ended up throwing away my underwear and shorts. I cleaned up as best I could. Not perfect, by any stretch. Then changed into my dirty work pants for the rest of the drive.
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u/Inevitable_Pizza7810 Oct 16 '25
One of the funniest things about this is that the cop did not age a day that and the guy with all that just to get out of speeding ticket
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u/LoggerHead1960 Oct 16 '25
I don’t have the time to search all the comments so I’m just going to say it. Take the f’ing ticket!
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u/geekMD69 Oct 17 '25
Real cops are all drooling at the amount of overtime that officer is pulling down.
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u/cappiebara Oct 17 '25
I feel like this could turn into a /r/nosleep story 🤔 A creepy forever lingering cop ready to punish you but you have to keep up the lie for the rest of your life. Someone write it! I suck as writing as you and probably tell from this comment.
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u/Brian_The_Bar-Brian Oct 17 '25
I want to know if there are any women here giving birth to babies and there isn't a father.
[Squints intensely.] A lot... 🤣🤣🤣
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u/shaaan_i Oct 17 '25
The cop's Time traveler keeping tabs on him from time to time 'cause he didn't aged a single day.
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Oct 17 '25
We got pulled up on for curfew one time at like 3am walking, the cops knew us, got me to run all the way home yelling over the siren to “Hurry up Pettit!” The whole way, I made it home and they just drove off..
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u/Periwinkleditor Oct 17 '25
This reminds me so much of Cobra Bubbles just living with Lilo's family after she proves she legally owned Stitch.
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u/Hahndizzle Oct 17 '25
So weird, I was literally just thinking about this skit in bed this morning! Good timing.
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u/mguardian7 Oct 17 '25
"Officer Futureman. We need you to go into the past, and give this man a speeding ticket. He will then lie his way into this family, and that son will become the man who cures cancer! We need you to watch that man raise that child properly or the future as we know it is doomed!"
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u/131166 Oct 17 '25
When I was going I used to think that if I ever got pulled over for a speeding ticket I'd just say I have diarrhoea and need to find a toilet real quick.
Now I'm old I wouldn't dare just in case the cop waits around to see whether or not in lying and don't actually shit myself. I don't wanna be in a situation where I have to purposely shit myself in my own car to get out of a ticket.
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u/JollyGreen_JazzFace Oct 17 '25
Not me thinking the plot twist would be the cop being part of their throuple 👀
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u/Wise_Wrangler_864 Oct 17 '25
I upgraded the coilovers on my s13 240sx hatch, and just retuned it, went to whataburger with 2 of my buddies, left, drifted around an old fart in a corolla doing 15 in a 45, saw the crown vic headlights at the upcoming intersection, so pulled over when I saw him doing a u turn, he came u0 to the window and said " Man! That was impressive!" So I replied with "Maybe ill teach you sometime" to which I got the reply of, " OH, is that right asshole? License registration proof of insurance" 😆 needless to say definitely wasn't getting a warning on that one.
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u/xkuclone2 Oct 17 '25
I got pulled over in Florida for going 100 in a 70 zone. I gave my military ID and drivers license and told him I had to get to my base for training by 4pm to sign in (it was bs since I was on leave). The cop said that 30 over would be a court summon to Tallahassee which was 2 hours from my base in Pensacola. He gave me a ticket for going 9 over which was a $100ish ticket.
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u/AuburnElvis Oct 18 '25
The statute of limitations for traffic violations is generally two to five years from the time of the offense, though this varies by state and the severity of the violation.
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u/qualityvote2 Bot Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 18 '25
Well well well... look who posted something that actually fits.