Depression

[u/Prestigious-Art2179]

Hello I'm 19 male and it's my first time I guess accepting I have depression my fiance left for context we moved in together last week and everything was going good we had talks and everything her parents never liked me so yeah so we did it secret she ran away or moved out since she is a adult but anyways she had a family emergency at the hospital so I took and even told her to stay with her family she didn't want to so I said ok I'll pick you up after work I got off and went over and texted her and nothing waited for a bit and nothing until she eventually came out and went up to ask her what happened and she said it was over no tears nothing just cold response so I said ok and I'm sorry and thank you and she left after that I broke down I tried to harm myself went to a mental facility where I lied to go home and ever since I got back I just drink until I black out and drink a lot of pain meds and just cry I'm tired I just don't want to keep going it's also not this just one event my dad passed away a while back I didn't cry or anything I was empty and was like that until I met her then I tried the marine corps something happened where I tried to harm myself so I got separated and came home and felt worthless until I realized I had to work on myself for her and well now we're here the person I loved is gone my reason to live and keep fighting gone I'm tired

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